equality & friendship changes everything.

kathyescobar dreams, equality, friendship, incarnational, leadership 18 Comments

last week i was at an evening centered on rape & the old testament, and it was really powerful to look at the texts through a new lens.  the most interesting part to me was that in the conversation afterward somehow, some way, we ended up in the same place i always do when talking about almost any hard and systemic issue in the church–how friendship and equality between men & women changes everything. everything. and it’s one of those things that’s probably taught the least …

the road to equality is paved with friendship.

kathyescobar co-pastoring, equality, friendship, leadership 21 Comments

* this post is part of the february synchroblog.  this month’s topic is centered around cross-gender friendships, a topic i have written a lot about over the years. the link list for other bloggers writing on this topic this month are below so check them out. also, i am excited to be part of this year’s sacred friendship gathering at the end of april in chicago called bold boundaries: exploring friendship between men & women. my dear & fun friend and refuge partner karl wheeler and i …

friendship: men & women can be friends, here’s a place to start

kathyescobar friendship, relationships, the refuge 4 Comments

* this is the final post in this series related to cultivating healthy friendship. the other posts are: mind-reading, assumptions, and saying our crazy stuff out loud, safety & boundaries aren’t dumb psychology words, conflict is good (even though most of us hate it), and learning to let go.  it’s been fun for me to re-cap some of what we practiced together and remember how worth it is to keep growing in loving friendship with others.   * * * * * i am so thankful to …

alongside

kathyescobar dreams, equality, friendship, healing, incarnational, leadership, relationships, the refuge 17 Comments

the refuge turns 6 years old this month!  it’s so hard to believe.  some days it seems like yesterday and other days it feels like decades ago. there are many things to celebrate about the past 6 years. i continue to learn more than i ever bargained for about God, life, love, friendship, and leadership. some days i still want to run for the hills, but i’m learning something here that i’m not sure i’d ever learn somewhere else. for me, one of the most important …

practicing friendship

kathyescobar friendship, healing, incarnational, relationships, spiritual formation 20 Comments

* this is part 2 to the last post:  let’s be friends.  oh wait, we don’t know how to! i wish learning new things were as easy as taking a class, watching a youtube instructional video, or reading the perfect how-to book that provides all of the answers.  for fixing kitchen sinks, it probably works.  for cultivating long lasting intimate friendships with others, not so much. there’s no clear instructional manual for these kinds of relationships because they are complex.  at the same time, the Bible …

let’s be friends. oh wait, we don’t know how to!

kathyescobar equality, ex good christian women, friendship, healing, incarnational, leadership, relationships, spiritual formation 18 Comments

“there is nothing on this earth to be more prized than true friendship.” – st. thomas aquinas remember that book, “all i ever needed i learned in kindergarten”? sure, some of what we learned when we were five would be helpful to us as grownups.  but i’m also going to make a supposition that even by age five, weird friendship stuff may have already seeped in.  some boys stop playing so freely with girls. the power dynamics of who rules the playground kick into full swing.  …

friendship, freedom & a lot less fear

kathyescobar church stuff, equality, ex good christian women, healing, incarnational, relationships, spiritual formation, the refuge 12 Comments

“there is nothing on this earth more to be prized than true friendship.”   st. thomas aquinas uh oh, i’m on my “men and women need to learn how to be friends” kick right now.  I think it’s appropriate in light of the shared leadership conversations, too, because it gets to the center of so much of what’s broken in our systems—both in and outside of “church.”  we know how to be over others or under others, but rarely do we learn how to be alongside …

over, under, beside

kathyescobar equality, ex good christian women, friendship, healing, incarnational, leadership, spiritual formation 6 Comments

“there is always warfare in our hearts; there is always the struggle between pride and humility, hatred and love, forgiveness and the refusal to forgive, truth and the concealment of truth, openness and closedness.  each one of us is walking in that passage towards liberation, growing on the journey towards wholeness and healing…” – jean vanier thanks for the great comments on dan brennan’s interview about cross-gender friendships.  one reader commented on facebook “i have no idea why this is still so controversial”.  i think that …