the fam
my honey, the lawyer
well he did it! after 3 years of juggling law school at denver university, flying for united to pay the bills, 5 kiddos & a crazy busy pastor wife, jose graduated yesterday. yeah! next up: taking the bar exam on july 31st and then it’s really, really over. i have to say, he did it with grace & style. after the ceremony yesterday we had a big celebration with a bunch of friends & family at a cool indoor beach volleyball spot. it was so fun in all kinds of wonderful ways. a highlight: my father-in-law surprised us all with a mariachi band.
a little backstory is that jose’s parents immigrated to the US from el salvador when he was 4 years old. they have a lovely story of starting with barely nothing and working hard over the years to create a life here. they are proud of both countries. jose is an only child and went to the naval academy right after high school to make his mommy happy. he became a pilot & flew for the navy until 1997 when he got hired by united airlines. in 2004 he was preparing for his 20 year high school reunion & looking at our high school yearbook with the kids. in the yearbook was a little blurb “what are some of your dreams for your future?” and he had written “go to UCLA law school and become a lawyer.” the kids were wondering what happened to that dream, and jose realized he had completely forgotten it (sound familiar?). the fun part is that it opened up a crack in his heart and he started to ask “i wonder if i should go for it?” he started walking through the process of seeing what might be possible. nine months & lots of little steps later, he ended up with a full-ride to denver university on a social justice scholarship and basically there was no turning back.
the most beautiful part is that in the past few years he has developed an even bigger heart for advocating for the marginalized. he interned at the equal opportunity employment commission & also milehigh ministries’ justice and mercy legal action center (JAMLAC) and really just loved the people & work. now that he’s done, he’ll keep flying for united to pay the bills and then can offer his time & heart at JAMLAC representing people who normally wouldn’t have access to a lawyer. he is so good at caring and communicating and i am already so relieved to have at least a good first contact for the many people i come across in look of legal help who can’t exactly pay $250 an hour!
ps: if it sounds like i’m bragging, yep, i sure am. sorry i can’t help it! someone’s gotta do it because he won’t.
pps: the pic is of our family, my inlaws & my mom. yes, there’s no doubt in my mind, it really does take a village!
Read Moretoday i thank God for my babies
mother’s day 2008
life out of nothing
chosen, picked, destined
to be part of me.
part of us.
God knew
these would be mine,
ours.
to love, nurture, remind
that life is beautiful,
good
hard
fragile
that they are exactly who they are
supposed to be.
strong.
loved.
meant to dream.
and we will fight for them
always,
fiercely protect
gently love
loudly laugh
gladly sacrifice
constantly apologize.
because time flies
and before i know it
they’ll be gone.
so today i
thank God, for my babies.
Read Morethere was an old lady who lived in a shoe…
there have been 9 kids at the escobar house the past 6 days! we’ve been watching our friends 4 kiddos while they are in central america on a ministry networking trip. it is pretty funny because honestly, once you tip over the edge like we have with 5 of our own, throwing a few more into the mix isn’t that big of a deal. you hardly even notice. my twins are 8, though, so it’s been a while since i’ve had to think about sippy cups and diapers and naps and the ridiculously short hours of preschool where 1/2 of the time is just spent driving back and forth. the whole thing has been pretty fun, actually, really good sitcom material, trust me. i am thankful for flexible kids who are used to fending for themselves, gogurts, burger king drive-thrus, refuge friends who don’t mind meeting at chick-fil-a playplaces, and my fantabulous partner-in-the-craziness husband jose who equally shares the load of running the escobar household no matter how many kids are in it with style & grace.
it was a great week, it’s going to feel pretty quiet around here now, ha!
Read Morea little re-post here, a little link there
instead of re-creating the wheel, i thought i’d just pass on a few other posts from the refuge and the collage workshop i went to this past weekend.
the refuge post is about some of the marks of authentic community & some of the things we are passionate about. you can check it out here.
jenny wrote about the collage workshop that the refuge hosted on saturday. she has some good pictures you can check out here. it was 3 hours of therapy for $5!! so good. great company & worth the energy to get there. my collage is in the picture above but her site you can see it so much better. it is always fun for make space for creative things like this. it’s on my kitchen windowsill so i will see it each day. i really do want to “enjoy the ride” this year instead of clenching my fists all the time, squeezing my eyes shut and hoping the ride gets over quick, missing all the beauty of the moment.
and lastly, i will say i was so proud of the refuge tonight–we did the spiritual discipline of silence & solitude as a community, watched the rob bell nooma noise dvd & created 5 different stations for people to go to in complete silence: fire, prayer, communion, darkness (we had ties for people to blindfold themselves), and praise. we had a few guided questions at each place. we were making apologies to people for pushing them to try something so awkward together and the push back to us was “cut it out, we can hack it”. it was lovely. i come from that darn attractional mindset sometimes and forget that at this point no one is at the refuge because of the feel-good show because there most certainly isn’t one. they are here to dig in, give new things a try, and be part of the conversation instead of sitting passively. i looked up during my time at the prayer station & i got a little teary realizing “damn, we’re really doing this!” i always have this little noogling fear we’re going to systematically drive people away with these crazy experiments but i have to say i think it’s glorious to at least be trying. everyone’s experiences were all over the place.
i did kind of hear from God during my silence. in general, when i am anxious, my foot & leg start shaking, sometimes just subtly, sometimes a little less covert, but it is always just my anxiety popping out and is a way i know i’m stressed and anxious. i’ve been noticing a bit more lately. during the quiet God gave me this repeated image of his strong gentle hand on my leg. “honey, settle down.” the verse that popped into my head was one of my favs. psalm 46:10–be still and know that i am God. i kept writing down: i am God. kathy, you are not. i am God. you are not. be still. i am God. you are not. settle down. be still. i did feel a little less anxious & am always reminded when i make a little intentional space God seems to seep in something i need to hear.
well, it was a good wacky refuge eve and a great example that worship doesn’t have to mean music & church doesn’t have to mean a sermon.
and to top it off afterward we hung out with an old friend who was visiting from arkansas & watched the grammy’s (all the kids were rooting for kanye). it was a little anti-climactical with herbie hancock winning album of the year (????) but always a great show and one of the escobar fam traditions!
Read More5.15.07 from the refuge blog…Downward Mobility
Well it’s official I am over the hill! 40 years old. I know those of you who have already hit this mark don’t have a lick of sympathy for me. My favorite card this year was made by my son Josh, who’s 15. Here’s what he made up:
Roses are red, violets are blue
You might be 40 but you look 22
Yeah, he’s a liar, but he loves me (and if you ever need a self-esteem lift, just talk to Josh, he’s the best at that). But really, I am realizing that this whole turning 40 thing has been harder than I thought it would be. I keep flashing back to the idealistic dreams I had when I was twenty. When I was young and stupid I definitely thought life would be a lot easier when I was forty. In my dream, I wouldn’t have to worry about money, I’d be at the pinnacle of my career, fairly chaos-free, I’d have my two perfectly behaved children and a maid who would clean my house every week. Somehow, someway in the last 20 years, things have gone awry. A lot of my friends from college are rich but I now make less money than I made almost 20 ago when I graduated from college. Chaos is a word many people use when describing my life, somehow two kids became five, and walk into my house and it’s quite clear that there’s not a maid to be seen! My big plans for upward mobility have been thwarted over the years. Things didn’t go quite the way I had hoped. What happened?
Jesus got a hold of me, that’s what happened. And he keeps ruining my plans for upward mobility. Every time I try to get it, it sort of slips away. I think that’s a little bit what happened to me in this past year and a half as I transitioned off the mega-church fast-track and back into real life. Power, status, money, whatever you call it, escaped me once again. Hmm, I am pretty sure those were the exact things Jesus railed against but I am so attracted to. Jesus’ plan seemed to be a lot more about downward mobility than up. That’s kind of the big idea in the Kingdom. Whoever is first shall be last and the last shall be first. The least of these…blessed are the poor in spirit…all of the things the world (and even the “church”) told me I should shoot for, achieve, do, really, in God’s economy, means nothing. God’s economy is about love, tangibly expressed. And boy am I surrounded by a lot of people who know how to do that well. Real, true, authentic people who don’t give a rip about upward mobility and 401k’s and color swatches for their walls. I am in the trenches with people who are fighting for their lives, trying to live it well, and fighting for mine, too. And they’re fighting for the lives of others who can’t fight for themselves, either. Yesterday I watched a video of the poorest of the poor in India, beautiful women and children ravaged by AIDS and living in the slums, sold into prostitution, sifting through garbage to find something to eat. I sat at this table with people who are smart, talented, educated who have sacrificed their careers, money, status and power, to care about the least of these. I was awed. And reminded, for the next 40 years, I will have to fight against my human nature to clamor for “upward mobility”, a bigger paycheck, more status and power and listen to Jesus’ call…go down, Kathy, downward mobility, that’s what I’m all about…
I need to be reminded that Jesus’ words of blessing to the poor, marginalized, the downwardly mobile was not a threat, a coercion technique to force me into a miserable life. His call to me to go downward is His methodology for the abundant life, the easy yoke He places. If I crave His peace and presence, then I guess I have to trust His methods. Funny, isn’t it, that I think more money, power, status will give me security and a strong sense of self? Yet Jesus says it will be exactly the opposite…if I find my life, I will lose it…
Read More4.3.07 from the refuge blog…Reflex
“Where’s Jared? You brought him home, right?” We had been home about 20 minutes from a team basketball party at a restaurant and were mindlessly sitting in the living room watching the end of American Idol when Jose looks up from his computer and asks again, “You brought him home, right?” I immediately leaped out of my seat in a complete and utter panic. No, I don’t remember bringing him home! Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, I have got to go get him right this minute. My 7 year old is stranded alone in the parking lot! It’s dark. It’s cold. Somebody call the restaurant! Where are my keys? Who cares about shoes or coats or absolutely anything else in this moment. The only thing I can think about is getting to Jared as fast I can. My response is purely visceral. No words can describe my thoughts and emotions. My baby needs me. I am in a panic while I hear Jose calling the restaurant and I am almost out the door when one of our other kids says “Jared’s here. He’s asleep in Sadie’s (our dog’s) bed.” I start to cry. I am overwhelmed with relief. The fog slowly lifts, and I begin to remember he was in the car when we left the restaurant!
I know you are thinking, so how could you not remember that??? But when you have five kids running to and fro and five voices all blending together, let me tell you, it’s easy to forget. It takes hours for the adrenaline to wear off and of course we have a story to laugh about and yet another reminder that mommy needs to keep a little bit better track of who she’s in charge of.
I would sacrifice almost anything for my kids. In that moment, my reflex was go. I didn’t think “oh, what an inconvenience” or “he can figure it out on his own and doesn’t need me” or “I would rather be watching American Idol right now.” The absolute only thing I could think about was getting to him. Me, my, mine was out of the equation.
And I was reminded how little I really live in that selfless place. The place I live most is in a world of me’s. What works for me, what I like, what I don’t like. What I’m willing to do. What I’m not willing to do. My self-centeredness is more evident to me probably than anyone else but it’s there, it’s my natural bent. Sacrificing my time, dropping everything for another human being, being willing to lay aside my life, my ways, my desires to “be Jesus for someone else” doesn’t come naturally. In fact, everything inside of me screams against it. But in that moment, when I thought Jared was alone in the cold, it was a no-brainer. Sacrifice didn’t feel like a sacrifice.
In John 15, Jesus says “there’s no greater love than he who would lay down his life for a friend.” And what does it mean, to lay down my life? I think laying down my life means I’d be willing to run out the door when someone is in need, willing to give up American Idol and spend time with someone who is lonely, desperate, hurting. That I’d get beyond my to-do list and show up at my kids school unexpectedly to show them how much I love them. That I’d give up needing to win an argument or be right or be noticed or praised. That I’d get beyond just my desire to serve others and actually spend time feeding the hungry, offering water to the thirsty, giving my stuff away instead of hoarding it. That I’d spend less of my thoughts thinking about what other people think of me and pray for others instead. It’s giving up some of the me’s, my, and mine’s for my friends.
Okay, sounds good, but why is it so hard? It’s just unnatural. What comes naturally for me is to live in my own little Kathy world. And in my little Kathy world I value status, I treasure my to-do lists, I like to be in control, I like things to basically go the way I thought they’d be. Remember, I have a carnival in my head where I am the main attraction (see previous blog). Laying down my life for my friends means I have to give up these things and rely on God, to trust mystery, to do things that never get noticed, to be flexible, to give up my self-centered way for His others-centered way. Thinking about Easter this week, Jesus gave it all up for us. All of it. But what I love about Jesus is that He didn’t like every aspect of His sacrifice. He didn’t say “hey, this is the greatest thing ever, it’s a piece of cake.” He wrestled in the Garden of Gethsemene with God, crying out “do I really have to die?” knowing His sacrifice was going to mean pain and suffering.
We’re not Jesus, and in our case, the honest answer is we don’t really have to. I can live in my own little Kathy world all I want and God will keep loving me. But I’ll miss out. I won’t get to experience the joy, the hope, the freedom, the peace, the purpose, the passion that comes from laying down my life for my friends.
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