just because i thought it was funny
what’s your score?
i mentioned this before, but in june of ’07 we hosted a 1/2 day workshop here in denver called the walking wounded, for those who were burned out, beat up by “church” in some way, shape or form. it was actually a really fun morning, lots of laughing & lots of healing in different ways. last week hanging out with my fav friend phyllis i remembered this funny checklist karl & i shared at the beginning of our time together & thought that it might make some of you laugh. it’s not for everyone; if you don’t consider yourself somehow one of the walking wounded, you won’t get it. but if you would have been a participant, you’ll know what we’re talking about. remember, it’s all in good fun. i of course love the church otherwise i wouldn’t be doing what i am doing. but the messed-up systems that have infiltrated it sure give us some amazing fodder!
anyway, what’s your score? 
Read Morei have had a lot to drink immediately after a church meeting (10 points)
i have had a lot to drink immediately before a church meeting. (25 points)
i have been to five or more church growth conferences or seminars. (15 points)
the last time i heard the words “church growth” i threw up a little in my mouth. (BONUS: 50 points)
i have been told by others “you need to just ________” and then you’ll feel better (10 points)
i have imagined a felony act with specifics against a former church or church leader (10 points)
i have committed a felony against a former church or church leader (40 points)
i have imaginary heated arguments with church leaders where i always win. (10 points)
i have imaginary heated arguments with church leaders where i never win. (25 points)
i have had a goodbye luncheon at a mexican restaurant (25 points)
my pharmacist is my spiritual director (30 points)
church shopping with betty butterfield
yes, i am well aware that the carnival can be a little intense at times! so i promise, no bomb dropping today, just a little fun from betty butterfield. we used this clip last year when the refuge facilitated a workshop called the walking wounded for those who were somehow someway hurt by “the church.” (this link is from the 2007 event but gives you an idea of what we did). it was a really cool morning and i think healing & fun for those that were there. we’re thinking about maybe doing it again?
once in a while i watch this clip just to laugh. it’s not for everyone, but betty cracks me up…here’s to reliable casserole delivery!
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me.me.me.me.me.me.itsallabout.me
my friend-i-can-always-count-on-to-make-me-laugh-and-worry-about-me-too phyllis tagged me on this meme. it is always a nice diversion from my constant church ramblings and i’ve been really blue so i thought it might be good to join in the fun and escape real life for a few minutes. it did make me laugh here and there, sort of a reminder how weird my life has been and not to take myself too seriously. thanks, phyllis. for those of you who aren’t sure what a “meme” is (i didn’t until last year, either), it is sort of like blog-tag. it’s a series of questions you answer and then tag someone else’s blog to get to know them better.
here are the rules:
a. post the rules at the beginning.
b. answer the questions about yourself.
c. tag 5 people you know and let them know in their blog comments that you tagged them so they can participate.
here are the questions:
1. what was i doing 10 years ago?
i had been living in colorado for exactly 1 year, after moving from the beach in sunny san diego when jose got out of the navy and became a pilot for united airlines. i had only had 3 kids at the time (a kindergartener, a preschooler, and a baby), we were renting a house in evergreen CO and i was beginning to adjust to my colorado life (it’s a little hard for people who don’t like to wear pants or socks or jackets). i was a true-blue-stay-at-home-mommy and was just starting to lead women’s healing groups after a long season of working my tail off on my own pain & shame & craziness. we were almost exactly one year away from finding out we were having not just baby #4 but also baby #5!
2. snacks i enjoy
boulder salt & malt vinegar chips, hands down is my favorite food. and a diet coke from mcdonald’s (they are the best for some weird reason). oh, and sugar cookies with frosting. those are my total weaknesses, especially those big pink ones at 7-11.
3. five things on my to-do list today
here are a few from the long list: (a); find the tax information jose needs so we can actually get our taxes done; (b) go to the refuge team meeting; (c) take jamison & julia to the orthodontist to see if they need braces; (d) go visit baby hunter in the hospital, a sweet little newborn from the refuge who had heart surgery while i was out of town and has been heavy on the escobars’ hearts. (e) try to get caught up on emails & phone calls since we were gone to san diego for spring break.
4. things i would do if i became a billionaire
that is so simple. i’d set up a foundation that would fund all kinds of amazing projects to empower women, men & children who are marginalized, oppressed, beat-up, tired, dream-less. i’d also help out all my favorite ministries & organizations & amazingly dedicated servants who are right on the edge of never being able to pay their bills, either. the one big splurge i think i’d do is to take the kids out of school for a couple of semesters and do a true-blue around the world trip, experiencing all the different cultures we possibly could.
5. three bad habits
just three?
- letting piles and piles of clothes pile up before i will actually put them away.
- waiting until the very very last minute before i will put gas in the car
- talking on the phone while i am driving with no headset because mine stinks and i can’t hear out of it.
- one more: reading people’s minds, being sure i know exactly what other people are thinking even though i have absolutely no idea!
5. five places i have lived
walnut creek, CA until i was in the 4th grade….sparks, NV until i graduated from high school….malibu, CA for college….corte madera & rohnert park, CA when i worked for pacific bell & was in grad school…kingsville, TX for 3 months when we were first married…coronado, CA for 6 lovely years when jose was a navy pilot….evergreen, CO for 4 years….arvada, CO for 7 years and counting
6. jobs i have had:
high school – cashier at jimboy’s tacos, bus-girl at flakey jakes, chuck-e-cheese party coordinator, toll-free operator at spiegel catalog
college – typing business owner (how i put myself through college, this was before computers were popular and i worked on a cool brother memory typewriter for 2 bucks a page), career center peer-counselor as part of my work-study money in college (i am the best resume-formatter!)
right out of college – outside plant & design engineer (and i never had a math class beyond algebra 1-2 & geometry in high school, yeah, a little out of my league), supervisor, and communications/speech writer at the phone company as part of the accelerated management program (that’s why they put me in so many weird jobs)
before kids were born – admissions advisor at national university in san diego, owner of small stationery business that actually made a little money here and there
past few years – care pastor, adult ministry pastor, co-pastor
7. things people don’t know about me (well, some people do):
okay i am going to tag a few blogfriends: erin, che, pam, beth, and amy c. no pressure & some of you have probably done many times before but if you need a little diversion like me, go for it.
ps: plus, you don’t have to get tagged to play so if you’re bored and can’t think of anything else to write on your blog, try this.
Read Morethe flogging machine
a friend emailed me yesterday and told me she had been hanging out in the flogging machine. in my earlier post i referred to it, but i realized that my friends from the refuge and some others may know what i am talking about but others might not have any idea what it means. i did recently have someone ask “do you mean a fogging machine?” and i’m like, “no, those are in concerts (and sometimes churches).”
here’s the definition of flogging: to beat with a whip, stick, etc. especially as a punishment.
a flogging machine is the place i go in my head to beat myself up after i do or say something that makes me feel uncomfortable, when i make a mistake (for me, mistake-size doesn’t necessarily matter), when someone gives me negative feedback, when i have a conflict, or sense disapproval. whenever these things happen, my first inclination is to go into the flogging machine and waste some time in there for a little while. here’s what my flogging machine consists of:
a bat – to beat myself up with. i always say my right arm has a huge Popeye muscle.
a megaphone – it’s loud in there, the voices aren’t quiet, more like blasting.
all of the people who have said negative things about me in the past (or at least i think they have)–it’s kind of a combobulation (not sure if that’s a word?) of voices i’ve heard–past relationships, condemning people, people who have been mad at me or didn’t like me.
a tape recorder – the conversation, the voices in my head, keep getting played over and over again, kind of like torture. rewind. play. rewind. play. rewind. play.
special earplugs – these earplugs tune out anything good. in these moments, no positive voices come to mind. i can only hear the bad.
i think we can all agree, the flogging machine is a nasty place to stay. it certainly isn’t God’s heart for us, and it’s not good for our souls, our minds. it is an energy drainer.
here’s what i’m finding: i am staying in the flogging machine less and less and less. the time keeps getting shorter that i will waste my time in there and i am finding that very healing. who knows, maybe there will be a time it will be completely destroyed, demolished (i’m not betting on it) but i can cut down its use. i told my friend yesterday: step out of the flogging machine and into the arms of good friends and safe community who love you and will remind you of the real truth about you. romans 8:1 are not trite words. we are screw ups, we make mistakes, we don’t hit it right, we say and do stupid things, and we wish there was a rewind button on a lot of the things in our lives so we could re-do it better. this is why i am still a Christ follower. i need Jesus’ grace, mercy, hope, redemption, healing, love. it’s so hard for me to take it in faster, quicker, but that’s what i long for.
sometimes when i leave the refuge my friend mike texts me “don’t go into the flogging machine tonight” and it always makes me smile and remember…dammit, life’s to short to hang out there for long.
Read Morequirks r fun
okay so maybe i really am in blog-land now, i always used to see these things when i was reading other people’s blogs: people would get tagged by someone else to respond to some specific questions and then tag someone else. i always felt left out (typical me, i hate to not be in on the party). anyway, today i got tagged by glenn and erin to participate (it made me smile and was a good diversion to the crazy & sad week i’ve had (more on that later).
here are the rules:·
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link to the person who tagged you
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post the rules on your blog·
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share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself·
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tag six people and at the end of your post, link to their blogs.·
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let each person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.
so, here goes. ask the people in my community who see my quirkiness all the time. their list would be longer than six! but here are the ones off the top of my head:
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i absolutely positively cannot stand people slurping or dipping or gulping anywhere next to me. jose is a cookie, donut, cake milk dipper and it drives me crazy. when he slurps and gulps sometimes, honestly, it is worse than nails on a chalkboard. (really trite super over-used churchy words have the same effect)
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when i was in high school i worked at chuck e. cheese’s for a year or so and used to dress up in the costume and go out and greet the kids. i was mr. munch, too (the big purple guy). those costumes are hot and stifling. my kids think that is the funniest thing.
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i am an absolutely terrible domestic person. i don’t cook or clean, really. every year it seems i get a little worse. i once went 6 months without vacuuming my house (it actually didn’t look as bad as it sounds but still…). i am famous among my friends for buying amazingly good food at costco but never cooking. a few months ago i baked an apple pie for fun and everyone at our house of refuge stood in front of the oven, in awe.
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i hate wearing socks & long pants and closed toed shoes & i whine and complain about the cold weather all the time(i am a california girl who got stuck in colorado). a few days ago it is 40 degrees here but i wore my capris. i do not own a pair of snowboots.
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i know so much good people magazine-type information about movie stars and hollywood stuff that sometimes i have to hide my “people magazine knowledge” when i am playing certain trivia games because i’m actually embarrassed that i know all the answers.
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i have given birth to 5 children with no drugs. (ps: it’s not like i said i would never get any, it just never quite worked out in the moment!)
okay so now i am going to tag…
jenny (to start off the year with some fun…)
amy (because you always have quirky quizzes on your site)
john (you probably get these all the time but you came to mind because i read your wallpost about juno!)
phyllis (a little diversion might be nice for you too, it was a good mind-time-waster for me, now i need to go to bed)
have fun!
Read More9.3.07 from the refuge blog…fabio jesus
i hate to pick on fabio, but honestly, I do not know what his appeal is. he’s just so….perfect. those abs, the flowing hair, the perfect smile, those penetrating eyes. if you could can the world’s view of “perfect specimen” of course he would be it. (i will admit i do have a weakness for long hair, jose had me under his spell when he grew his hair out last year and had that liberal-lawyer-surfer look! too bad he has to keep his job as mr. conservative united pilot) but, back to fabio. and Jesus.
a few weeks ago, I was watching the trinity broadcasting network, the home of christian-evangelical-name-it-and-claim-it-craziness. we are talking a serious multimillion dollar industry—all in the name of Jesus. it actually is quite nauseating but our friend nadia was asked to write a book about her experience of watching TBN for 24 hours straight. she wanted to add some flavor to each hour, so she invited karl & i over to offer our perspectives since we are now pretty much former good evangelicals who now live in the sh**ty christian camp. well our hour slot included a ½ hour program called God Wants You to be Wealthy where the “speaker” wore a silver trenchcoat mini-mini dress with 4 inch heels and tried to hock her book “God wants you to be a millionaire.” She encouraged us to “sow our best gift now” by donating to her program. don’t even get me going on that one. but my commentary for the moment is that she was perfect in every way, with off the charts confidence, and an absolutely convincing delivery to all of the poor souls who are just hoping for some kind of crumb to make their lives better. her promises were ridiculous and using God that way just really gets to me…the other 1/2 hour program featured the Holy Land Adventure theme park in orlando, with Jesus reenactments throughout the day. guess who Jesus looked like? yeah, fabio.
have we simply made God in our own image? we want Jesus to be hip, cool, appealing. that’s what we are drawn to—images in people magazine & cosmo. christianity (mostly the american version) have become the root of a money making machine, a business that is fine-tuned and finessed to perfection. we like to watch and listen to people who are good looking, smart & make life look simple. this flawless, easy, and comfortable appearance has become a staple of church programming. we want to make the gospel easy for people to get. we want to make their church experience comfortable, distraction-free. we don’t want anyone to be offended. we want Jesus to be attractive. what Bible are we reading for goodness sake? Jesus was ugly. not cool. not worldly. not slick. not hot. the old testament prophet isaiah describes him this way:
he had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him,
nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.
he was despised and rejected by men,
a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering.
like one from whom men hide their faces
he was despised, and we esteemed him not. (isaiah 53:2-3)
does this look like the Jesus most churches are trying to sell? does this look to you like any of the pretty, neat, and tidy intact families you see on most church programs & websites? I don’t want to dismiss all those pearly white teeth and smiling faces, but come on, people that look like that, really only “look” like that. and here’s the rub–these are the people most churches are trying to attract. pretty, happy, smiling, successful, confident, married with 2.5 kids. they look great—on the outside.
well, Jesus surely wouldn’t have made the photo shoot cut. there’s no glamour in who He was, what He did, and what He has called us all to. in fact, not only is it not glamorous, but it’s downright stinky, dirty, and as ugly as you can get. feed the poor, hug the lepers, give away all of your money, care for the prostitutes, share your stuff, sacrifice your pride & comfort & family’s name, lay down power, hang out in the slums, be honest about all the daily struggles in your imperfect life. that, my friends, is the gospel. you see, it can’t be cleaned up. because real humanity, people trying to live this difficult Genesis 3 life, isn’t pretty. it’s full of pain and insecurity and shame and sin and craziness and desperation. i don’t care how pretty you try to dress it up on the outside, it just isn’t all that attractive. now I personally find it beautiful beyond words—all that rawness, dirt & sweat rubbed up against honesty, unconditional love, grace, healing, and hope. to me, it’s glory. i believe wholeheartedly that Jesus came to dwell with us in the stench and offer beauty and redemption in the midst. He sits in the muck and isn’t afraid of it because it’s real.
so why are we so afraid of it? i am. i admit it regularly. i think it’s because i often make God in my own image. i lump Jesus into all my worldly ideas about success and value and beauty. everything has to be fabio-like, but in reality, life gets ugly. yeah, i can clean up the outside pretty nicely, but it’s just christian window dressing. my faith isn’t strong enough to heal me, victory is not my middle name, shame is. i can never really measure up. i keep screwing up the same things over and over again. i know that’s the big idea of the gospel—we can’t. i can’t. it’s why i so desperately need the real Jesus and His grace, His hope, His help. the whole big idea here was always our heart, the stuff on the inside, but that is always the most dangerous place to go. my hour of TBN tv-watching just reminded me how often the current contemporary “church” (and me, when i’m making God in my own image) isn’t into the real Jesus. and i think that there’s a simple reason—the real Jesus is unpredictable, wild, crazy, and asks us to do hard things in our life that require us to get up off our comfy seats, peel our eyes off the video screen, and engage in the ugliness & beauty of other human beings. to bring what’s underneath our veneer and coverups to the table and look beyond what we see on the surface in others, too. money, power, comfort. strength, worldy beauty. none of it means a damn thing in God’s economy but it sure gets some serious airtime in the american church, and not just the ones on TV. Jesus, forgive us, for making you in our image. we admit, it’s a really bad (albeit easier) idea.
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