my unsolicited advice

kathyescobar church stuff, down we go, dreams, equality, ex good christian women, faith shifts, incarnational, injustice, leadership, women in ministry 2 Comments

For almost 9 years I’ve been writing my guts out about church and faith and life and all my dreams of what could be. Despite the vulnerability and what it’s cost me in certain circles, I’m inspired by the incredible people I’ve met over the years through this blog who are changing systems that need changing, who have moved the needle on equality and justice and greater-emotional-health in the churches and ministries and organizations they are part of. You keep me in! Yet, as much as I’ve …

when our deepest values get violated.

kathyescobar crazy making, down we go, equality, ex good christian women, faith shifts, injustice 1 Comment

Post-election I’ve been thinking a lot about Nonviolent Communication. I’m not the best at it but I try. It’s been incredibly helpful for me as a tool to notice how unhelpful jackal words are in building connection between people (and how much they’ve been used since November 9th and oh, I’ve said my fair share) and also how underneath all of my feelings are needs. For me, another way I describe needs are core values–values that guide and fuel and propel and compel me. That connect me …

“making nice”: the call of the privileged

kathyescobar crazy making, equality, ex good christian women, incarnational, injustice, leadership, rants 7 Comments

“True peace is not merely the absence of tension. It is the presence of justice.” ~ Martin Luther King, Jr. We’re 3 1/2 days out from one of the most traumatic elections in modern US history. It’s been brutal, folks. The pain, the grief, the shock, the reality. I was one of those people who believed it would be kind of close, that Donald Trump had indeed made huge inroads and tapped into the depths of American racism, nationalism, sexism, classism, and pretty much every other …

light, hope, dignity, justice, peace.

kathyescobar down we go, dreams, ex good christian women, faith shifts, healing, incarnational 1 Comment

Love is the whole thing. We are only pieces. ~ Rumi Tomorrow’s Election Day in the USA. Whoa, it’s been a brutal year. The division. The vitriol. The fracturing. The bombardment from every angle on social media. The influx of crazy “news” sources that people think are real. The memes. The comments. The friends and family members we can’t believe are voting this way or that. The fear. The anger. The trauma. The reality of our broken system. But here we are, flawed messy beautiful human …

lifeway, power, and the cost of telling the truth.

kathyescobar church stuff, crazy making, ex good christian women, faith shifts, fundamentalism, injustice, leadership 10 Comments

In 2007, I co-authored a spiritual formation tool for evangelical women called Refresh. It was a pretty cool project for that long ago; the entire book was printed in full color, magazine-style, and centered on 10 stories of real women (most of who were friends) with journaling and reflection questions, small group discussion ideas, and different ways to engage with the topics. The stories weren’t the typical Bible study ones but included abuse, adultery, abortion, eating disorders, perfectionism, fear and anxiety, and more (the cover doesn’t …

liberation.

kathyescobar church stuff, equality, ex good christian women, faith shifts, identity, incarnational 1 Comment

lib·er·ate libəˌrāt/ (verb) set (someone) free from a situation, especially imprisonment or slavery, in which their liberty is severely restricted set free, free, release, let out, let go, set/let loose, save, rescue * * * * * I’ve been in a lot of faith shifting conversations these past few weeks; they happen a lot but sometimes there are just more of them close together and I am reminded how many people are displaced not only from “church” but also from the security and certainty of their …

our codependent relationship with God

kathyescobar church stuff, doesn't really go anywhere else, ex good christian women, healing, identity 10 Comments

Since I entered into recovery a big chunk of years ago, I came face to face with the realities of my co-dependency. As an adult child of an alcoholic, a 2 on the Enneagram, a pastor, and dyed-in-the-wool people pleaser, I pretty much hit codependency on all cylinders! The truth is most of us are codependent in some way, and it’s not just if we’re in relationship with addicts. All our control and addiction issues have their roots in codependency; it’s part of the human condition. Melody …

equality comes before mutuality.

kathyescobar dreams, equality, ex good christian women, incarnational, leadership 0 Comments

A long while back a Christian blogger wrote a thoughtful response to something I had written about women’s equality in church leadership and said he’d like to hear more about “mutuality” and not just “equality. I replied, “Me, too!” I love absolutely everything about mutuality. In fact, it’s one of my highest values and deepest needs. It means mutual dependence, reciprocity. To me, mutuality is the fullest expression of the kingdom of God. No one over or under another but alongside, mutually submitting to one another, …