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wrestling with the word “christian” – a video conversation

February 8, 2010 by kathyescobar

well, i’m going to take a risk here and mix it up a bit.  sometimes i think just-words-week-after-week-after-week get boring so i’d like to try some different textures on the carnival this year.  i’m going to experiment with video here and there, nothing edited or flashy or scripted; i definitely don’t have the time or energy for that.  i’ll admit, it feels kind of risky. video makes me much more vulnerable out here in the scary & often kind of weird world-wide-web.  it could be a disaster, who knows, but i thought i’d be brave and just try it.

i think sometimes it’s nice to listen in some others’  dialogue here and there to spark greater conversation & thought.  my friend john is one of my all-time favorite-people-to-talk-about-all-of-these-kinds-of-faith-things with.  he and his wife are part of our nutty little community & two of jose & i’s dearest friends; we spend a lot of time all over the map in conversations related to faith and life; every time we are together 3 or 4 hours seems like one. he is a good pot-stirrer, not afraid to tell it like he sees it.  depending on how this goes, i’d love to get some more of these conversations with him & others up here now and then.  he says out loud what a lot of people are starting to say in the quiet of their heart or in covert conversations at coffee shops & pubs.  so, here you go, a little unscripted unpredictable convo at my kitchen table.

watch it & share some of your thoughts, perspectives & questions & what it might stir up in you. there are no right or wrong answers here, just opinions & perspectives. only rule is be kind.

Posted in fundamentalism, just because i thought it was fun, video convos | 5 Comments »

the church of the 99 or the 1?

February 4, 2010 by kathyescobar

iwhen i knew that i was going to be speaking/teaching/facilitating/whatever you want to call it in africa (yeah, i am not too into the word “preach”) i spent some time reflecting on what to share, which passage, which direction to go.  i was nervous because as you all know, i’m a little on the not-so-conservative side, ha! our host and friend told me from the very beginning–just bring the message of the refuge here. to me, that is the message of the gospel in action through community.  i knew after meditating on it for a while that regardless of how a lot of other things went, i at least wanted to teach from matthew 18 & the parable of the lost sheep.  it has been on my heart in a very concrete way for the past 6 months.  oh, it was the right one to use, if only for me.  i can say that speaking it out loud & fleshing it out together cemented new truths in my heart about “church”, something i always desperately need to be reminded of when i am often treading water in a pool filled with churches of the 99.

here’s what Jesus says:

“if a man has a hundred sheep and one of them wanders away, what will he do? won’t he leave the ninety-nine others on the hills and go out to search for the one that is lost? and if he finds it, i tell you the truth, he will rejoice over it more than over the ninety-nine that didn’t wander away!  in the same way, it is not my heavenly Father’s will that even one of these little ones should perish” (matthew 18:12-14, NLT).

one of my biggest gripes about bible stuff is that a lot of us have been taught to mainly read it for “personal application” instead of “community application.”  my friend and teammate karl always reminds me that paul’s letters weren’t written to individuals, they were written to bodies of people, to the church as a whole.  when we read the bible from a “we” perspective instead of an “me-me-me” perspective, things shift.   and actually, i think they get a lot harder.  personal holiness doesn’t require the connection & sacrifice & all kinds of things that life-on-life community does.  but that’s another story.  i don’t know exactly what direction Jesus was going with this parable and i’m not one to waste a lot of time picking it apart.  but maybe Jesus was talking about the whole community of believers, the church, as the 100 sheep.  and as i thought about this more, the part that really got stirred up in me is how powerful the model of the “church of the 99″ really is. and what does the church look like from the standpoint of the 99?

we feed it. we tend to it. we worship it. we feel good about it.

from the standpoint of the 1?  maybe it looks like something that has no place for them, that can’t handle their doubts, fears, real life, shame, pain, struggles, questions.

yeah, many of us know that 99 is way more exciting, comfortable, energizing than 1.   we can hide under the cover of the program, the structure, the predictable-ness, the energy of the common & known tasks at hand.

but Jesus, in this parable, tells of the shepherd who is willing to leave the 99 to find the 1 (to me, the 1 is the the outcast, the marginalized, the oppressed, the doubter, the misfit, the one-who-doesn’t-cut-it-with-the-99).  that one is worth it.  that one is his.  that one is valuable enough to drop everything and go find it.

i have no idea what these sheep were saying when the shepherd left, but my guess is, when it comes to the church of the 99, it might go something like this:  “what about me? what about us?  we have needs, too!  we want our kids programs.  we want our amazing preaching.  we want to be inspired.  we want rocking music.  we want more of ‘the word’.  we want to be with other young married couples.  with other singles.  with other people who look like us, think like us, act like us.  we want, we want.  feed us, feed us, feed us.  oh, and p.s., don’t forget that we’re the one who pay your bills.”

yeah, 99 are the ones that pay the bills.  they are the ones who give money & time and show up for stuff.  they are the ones whose voices are loudest, who have the most power, the most voice.  so many shepherds say, “hmm, if we leave the 99, what will be left? we better keep them happy.”

oh i understand the dilemma.  the church of the 99 is so freaking powerful, its culture deeply embedded into our models, our practices, our just-about-everything-related-to-contemporary-church.  and as i hear more and more about the desire for communities to be “missional” and focused on the one, i still see lots of folks trying to do both–take care of keeping the 99 happy and also be about the 1.

in this parable, the shepherd leaves the 99 to find the 1.

i don’t think you can have a church of the 99 and a church of the 1.   the 99 won’t be happy and the 1 won’t ever be found.  the clamor of the 99 is just too loud, too strong, too powerful.

in africa, the church of the 99 is the prevailing model.  it’s what our wonderful missionaries from the west have brought & what we continue to perpetuate because it’s mostly all we know.  more people, more money, more salvations, more energy, more “God.”  i never want to dismiss that God does stuff in the church of the 99.  of course, God is alive & well changing lives in all kinds of weird, broken places–including church of the 99.  but i can’t help but think that so often we’ve missed the whole point.  we’ve built structures & systems in Jesus’ name that were quite precisely what he was challenging.

i think it would be good for us to wrestle with what it means to be the church of the one.  what will that really look like, feel like, be?  how much are we really willing to give up to get there?

i don’t want to dismiss that the 99 have needs, too.   the problem is that we have misunderstood “wants” for “needs.”  i often say that as a leader our responsibility is to give people what we know deep in our hearts we all need (strength & courage to live out the gospel & the wacky ways of the kingdom) instead of what we all really want (to have our inspirational appetites filled so we feel better about ourselves & life).

i can say that i believe that as best as we can, the refuge is attempting to live out the church of the one.  we are filled with all kinds of people on the margins who don’t have any other good options.  that’s why it’s small.  that’s why when the 99 drop by for a visit they usually don’t stay more than once because it can feel completely disorienting & weird.  that’s why we can barely pay our small expenses.  that’s why the church of the 99 sends the weird-people-they-don’t-quite-know-what-to-do-with our way.  yep, the church of the one is messy. smelly. ugly.  irritating.  tiring.  and beyond beautiful.

i’ve been around long enough now to that that so many leaders/shepherds/pastors know that the church of the 99 can be a crock, that the systems that they are perpetuating aresomehow not what Jesus set the stage for.  helping the 99 get fat and stay safe in their pen isn’t satisfying but it sure is easier than leaving them all to cultivate the church of the 1.  i get it, they have jobs they need to protect, mouths to feed, seminary student loans to pay off and so often just feel stuck.  my heart hurts for them because the options feel so bleak.

but it’s time to get some of our integrity back.  to quit pandering to the 99 and live out what we were made to do–cultivate the upside-down ways of the kingdom now.  this will mean leaving the safe comforts of all kinds of things and entering into the great unknown. it will mean the 99 will be bleating in the background saying “what about me, what about me, what about me?” and i think we can call back to them and say “you can come, too, there are lots of ones.  but you have to leave the 99 to find them, or maybe to find you are actually a ‘one’, too.”

oh i would love to hear some of your thoughts on this!

ps:  my friend & one of my favorite bloggers pam hodgeweide wrote briefly about this already, after reading asante, africa.  check out her post–the church of one. more’s coming from her after my post & i can’t wait to read it.

Posted in church stuff, jesus is cool, leadership | 20 Comments »

asante, africa

February 1, 2010 by kathyescobar

we’re back!  any of you reading who have been to africa before know that words on paper can’t accurately describe the experience of being there.  we were gone for 12 days with one week in kenya (the uganda piece of our trip didn’t work out because all of the standby flights were full).  when we got on our plane in nairobi to come back to the US i knew that our experience will be close in our hearts forever.  over the years both jose and i have traveled a lot of places, but neither of us have ever seen up-close-and-personal what we experienced in africa.  the poverty. the lack of infrastructure.  the corruption nuttiness.  the joy of Jesus.  the laughter.  the hope.  the beauty.  all mixed into one. we were blessed beyond measure by our amazing hosts and their love for God, our family.  they took awesome care of us; i think we were able to experience an even deeper connection beyond just working on a mission project together because we also just spent a lot of time hanging out, eating, sharing, laughing, listening, traveling, learning.

i am too fried in this moment to even consider all the different parts of our trip that i’d love to flesh out here at the carnival. i am just planning on letting what-may-come emerge over the upcoming months.  but as i sit here on the plane on the long flight home writing with pen and paper (i’ve been 2 weeks without a cell phone or my laptop, an excellent spiritual discipline for me, ha!) i do want to share what’s on the top of my head before it slips away.  these are fairly random thoughts, some related to “church” and community, other just general reflections of our experience.  i know one thing:  i will not be able to give our experience justice.  too much needs to be felt, experienced, touched and tasted. but i will do what i can to capture what i can.

Jesus is alive and well in africa.  whoa!  what an experience to be part of worship in a radically different culture.  that is some serious joy and passion-filled worship!  we were all a little lost as all the music was in swahili, but just listening & soaking & clapping was enough for me.  God’s spirit wasn’t just reflected in the worship, either; all over the place, in most all of the people we met, we experienced an overflowing of God’s love and light.  it just oozed out of them. they are poor in every sense of the material world, but so rich in joy, love, laughter, and hope.  it’s seriously contagious.

africa time is s-l-o-w. this is the perfect culture for me on one level because being fashionably late is completely normal.  however, my friends here who get tired of waiting for me when i’m late will be glad to know that even i was irritated!  and when you’re trying to feed your hungry and tired kids, speed is helpful!

the fund-y missionaries have greatly influenced christian culture there. that part was the hardest for me, because the “word of God” is elevated to a scary high place, so much like it can be in the super-conservative streams in the US where any thought or doubt or weakness or struggle must be combatted with scripture and robotic sayings about God’s faithfulness.  we drove a lot through many villages and towns, and the presence of extreme pentecostal & conservative mission there is so obvious in all of the wording. taglines like “dedicated to preserving holiness and the fear of God in all people” are really common.  and while i of course know that the messages that have been carried to africa have done great good in so many ways, i couldn’t help but wonder just a little bit how much damage has been done in the name of Christ with the focus on eternal salvation and personal holiness and scripture quoting shaping “what being a christian means.”

we had fun bringing a little “refuge-style” teaching with us. jose and i didn’t really know what we were getting into when it came to communicating.  we knew we were teaching at a pastor’s/leader’s conference and probably at the church that is part of the mission center.  in praying and preparing to go, the only thing i knew was that the one passage i wanted to flesh out was the parable of the lost sheep in matthew 18 & the contrast between the church of the 99 and the church of the 1 (this will be my next blog post for sure).  i had no idea it would strike such a chord, but it definitely became a fun theme for the week.  at the pastors conference it was obvious that they were just planning on us “preaching” but jose and i decided to give refuge-style facilitation a try instead since we believe passionately in dialogue and challenging conversation instead of just talking.  it took a while to break the ice but after a bit we got there.  we were totally unprepared but it didn’t really matter; we focused on 3 movements through micah 6:8 of doing justice, loving mercy & walking humbly & it was really fun.  we did some interactive stuff & broke into small discussion groups, and jose did an amazing job of really challenging them on oh-so-typical-christian responses related to issues of God’s justice in the bible.  i admit, i got a little panicked when he opened up a theological can of worms that they are not used to considering (i confess, i even poked him in the arm and shot him a few “what the $*!&!^@(  are you doing?” looks that we’ve been laughing about ever since) but he is the master at pulling it all together in the end!  we had some great swahili interpreters, too, and i think their presence forced us to slow down our pace & not ramble on like we are used to. i am glad we tried some new stuff, and i have a feeling when we go back next january (yes, we are hoping to take a refuge team there mid january 2011, let me know if you want to join us!) the interaction and dialogue-y format will be easier for everyone.

life without power and water is brutal. the mission center we stayed at is on a great piece of property, but it is outside a small village that just recently got power.  there is still has no running water or electricity.  about 100 kids live there, with double that coming to primary school there each day. it is clearly a hub for many in the surrounding areas, a true gathering spot & place of refuge (and one my dreams for some dark places in our community, too).  oh, but life without power and water is hard.  they walk 1/2 a mile down a steep hill to bathe once a week (all the little ones, too) & pay some village women a small amount to sherpa water from the source at the bottom.  the bathrooms are 2 huts with holes in the ground.  at night, it is dark, with only a few small lanterns available.  we visited another orphanage closer to nairobi on our last day that has some seriously solid financial support & it was utterly unbelievable to see the contrast between the two and what power, water, and a steady stream of support from america could actually do in a tangible way. the difference between these 2 orphanages kind of felt like the difference between the refuge & a megachurch!

“reality is that the poor are the ones who really actually help the poor.” oh this is so true!  we also had the privilege of going to one of the pastors’ homes outside of nairobi & i can say that is the one moment i will never forget.  they have rolling blackouts where sometimes the power will be off for up to 6 hours.  he led us in the dark up a crazy amount of stairs to enter his small apartment where he lives with his wife, 3 sons, and the 3 adopted sons that he has taken in because their parents are dead.  yeah, they don’t have any money themselves but they are the first to help.  i will always remember what my kenyan friend said on this trip:  “reality is that the poor are the ones who really actually help the poor” i can attest to that here in the US as well. power begets power.  money begets money.  no one likes to give to the losing team. and those in the trenches, leaving the 99 to find the 1, are usually the ones with no money or power.  that’s a whole other story, but i will say that being in that sweet family’s home, one teeny weeny candle lighting the room, and being greeted with such love & light got under my skin like none other.

“people come but no one wants to live like us.” we had no idea going in, but it turns out we were the only american mission team who has ever stayed at the orphanage.  typically those that come stay in a nice hotel about an hour from the village and drive in each day.  one of the teachers told me how much our stay meant to them.  she said “people come to help, but they don’t really want to be with us and live our life with us.” oh, there so many applications to this thought for us as “the church” and the whole to, for, and with thought i’ve often shared at the carnival comes to mind.   the scarcity of food & water, the heat, no beds, and the lack of running water and power is so taxing.  and even though we had our “experience” let’s face it, we were there for 3 days, big whoop.  these lovely and dear people live with this every day of their lives.  we all slept on mats that we bought at the market in one room at the orphanage with mosquito nets rigged with jumpropes that we brought & our sweatshirts as pillows.  and while it would be easy to say how cool we were for staying, the truth is that we still had the luxury of our handy dandy headlamps & bottled water & access to cold sodas now & then & the ability to leave in a car with a driver to go into town if we wanted.  yes, this is a powerful metaphor to continue to meditate on.  my kids were completely blown away by the whole thing, promising to “never complain about anything ever again, mommy.” over and over again i think we were all struck by the incredible privilege we have living in this country.  the most pervasive thought for all of us was “what can we really do to love our friends well from afar beyond this moment?“  seeing the contrast in the orphanages really helped them capture the vision of what is possible with a lot of love and specific intentional support, yet we were also painfully aware of our knee-jerk tendency to want to use our power in a way that ultimately diminishes theirs.  since that is everything i am against i know that won’t work. my kids also each said, “everybody should come here at least once in their lifetime.” my head is spinning with what could be, and i am also painfully aware of my/our limitations and my potential to want-to-save-the-world. i know everyone who goes on these kinds of trips get their world rocked.  for now, i just want to hold onto this dear teacher’s words & really reflect on what that means on all kinds of levels:  “everyone likes to come help us but no one wants to live like and with us.” yeah, leaving the 99 to find the 1 is easier said than done.

we did all kinds of off-the-beaten-tourist-path things that we love to do. sure, we did the 1 day safari and got to see all kinds of animals (a lion, literally, 3 feet from our van, hard to top that).  other than the safari we only saw a handful of white people on our entire trip.  but we always like to go where tourists don’t go.  we ate all kinds of authentic african food with our friends, no utensils & thankfully no tummy issues either.  we went to the grocery store. we even went to the movies at one of the megamalls in kisumu & saw sherlock holmes.   it was really a blast, but i will be the first to say that i love toilet seats, running water, paved roads, and good brewed coffee in the morning.  those are the things i missed the most.

thanks for being part from afar.  we also extend a big asante (thank you in swahili, my kids had that one down) to everyone who prayed for us & sent love.   we are working on a fun video that captures some of our experiences and if we can get it together i will post it here, too. most of all,  asante, africa, for opening up our eyes to your love & beauty. it was a lovely gift.

here are just a few pix:

Posted in just because i thought it was fun, the fam | 14 Comments »

dreams re-dux

January 17, 2010 by kathyescobar

“almost always, the creative dedicated minority has made the world better.”

“when our days become dreary with low-hovering clouds of despair, and when our nights become darker than a thousand midnights, let us remember that there is a creative force in this universe, working to pull down the gigantic mountains of evil, a power that is able to make a way out of no way and transform dark yesterdays into bright tomorrows. let us realize the arc of the moral universe is long but it bends toward justice.”

“i refuse to accept the view that mankind is so tragically bound to the starless midnight of racism and war that the bright daybreak of peace and brotherhood can never become a reality… i believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word.”

- martin luther king, jr.

* * * * *

one of my all-time favorite refuge blog posts was from over 2 years ago called “dreams.” in re-reading them (it’s good to do that now and then) i have to say they all still really resonate.  we leave today for africa–back on january 30th–and i am so excited for this family adventure.  tomorrow, january 18th, is martin luther king day.  he is one of my all time favorite quotable quoters, in line with rumi, mother teresa, anne lamott, and gandhi–what an interesting combination, it could definitely get me in trouble in some circles (way back when i had a critic about refresh who wrote to ask why we quoted oprah and gandhi since they were definitely not christians and unworthy of passing on wisdom.  yeah, sometimes christians are so nutty).

one of my favorite parts of the civil rights movement is that it originated in the church.  they knew that was a powerful place to start (if you haven’t watched a time for burning yet, it’s so worth it).  as christ-followers we are called to something more.  we are called to be powerful catalysts for social change and action on behalf of anyone without a voice, discriminated against, poor, oppressed, or marginalized.  it should be our clarion call.

unfortunately, we are known for just the opposite, and the recent robertson response-that-gets-the-most-press to the tragedy in haiti is a glaring example of a seriously messed-up interpretation of christianity.

i am a dreamer.  every time i hear martin luther king, jrs’s powerful speech i get chills (2 of my kids won speech meets with it years ago in elementary school & i will never forget the power of the words as they practiced over and over again.  i could never tire of hearing them).  when we celebrate his birthday, his legacy, the part we are celebrating goes far behind him.  we are celebrating change, healing, reconciliation, hope.  and although we have come along way on black and white relations, we all know we have an awful long way to go to really live out this dream for the full equality and transforming community that martin luther king calls us to.

we have a tradition in our family that we started a few years ago where on MLK day we write our dreams down–each one of us.  they are so fun & beautiful to read and tomorrow when we are traveling we’re going to work on our 2010 ones.

on a much bigger scale, i am also reminded that just saying these things out loud as opposed to actually doing them and living them out are two different things.  for example, most people would say that they believe in equality for women, yet they continue to give their money and resources to systems that will continue to hold back their voices and leadership.  most people would say that they love people of all colors, shapes, and sizes, but in reality their lives never intersect with others who don’t think and act and live like them.  most would say that they believe strongly in “helping” the poor, but don’t realize that part of helping to create shifts on behalf of the poor requires some heavy-hitting justice-in-action-on-their-behalf to change the systems and get to the root of the problem. i could go on and on, but i think you get the point.  i am reminded of it more and more as i continue to gain passion to “be the change i want to see” (gandhi) and how systemic and deeply rooted so many of these tightly held prejudices and oppressive systems really are.

as i re-visit reverend king’s words and consider this new year, i’d say that those dreams i wrote a few years ago are still in place.  and because i shift and change and re-work words here and there, i wanted to share some of my new-and-not-so-new dreams for “the church”:

i have a dream that we will learn what it means to eliminate the “us” and “them” mentality that keeps those in power safe and protected and those without power oppressed and marginalized. it’s stronger than anyone wants to think and is perpetuated in churches everywhere–the missional movement is wonderful but my hope is that more and more people talk not about “helping those poor people” but becoming radically in touch with the powerful reality that “we are those poor people.”

i have a dream that men and women & white and brown & rich and poor will work equally and fully alongside together as brothers and sisters and leaders and friends. when we do, i believe that so many other shifts will follow.  we are currently seeing church after church getting involved in the “social justice” movement now that it’s kind of cool and exciting in the church, talking about oppression of women in other countries when right in their own pews they are oppressing their sisters, applying a few verses to serve themselves.   when it comes to those of color, the way we segregate and have a few token hispanics or african americans or asians here and there in predominantly white systems is appalling and so not a reflection of the kingdom of God.  and almost never do we see folks without resources or education or margin as part of church leadership.

i have a dream that each of us would dedicate ourselves to at least one other person-who-needs-someone-to-believe-in-them on the journey. we can never underestimate what it means to those crippled with self-contempt and a lack of margin, support and encouragement to have someone who says “i am with you, not just for a while but for the long freaking haul.”  to call out goodness, God’s image in another human being, is one of the most powerfully transforming things we can offer each other; we must stop leaving it to the professionals and enter into deep, transforming, pain-in-the-ass-a-lot-of-the-time-but-oh-so-worth-it relationship with the lonely, the forgotten, the ignored, the unloved and unvalued.

i have a dream that we would powerfully and intentionally call out people’s creativity and gifts. everyone’s an artist, but most people don’t know it; that got quenched a long time ago by people, systems, and often “the church”.  it’s time to set people free to live out their passions–in small ways and big ways–and quit editing people out or using people for what we want instead of finding out what they are meant to do.  my hope is that we will be bold catalysts, to call out what is within people and help them find their voice & heart.

i have a dream that we would be known by the world as “those crazy people who never give up on the hurting, the lost, the oppressed, the outcast.” oh, this is going to take a lot of work!  this will mean that we will have to get out of our seats, get sober from our self-serving inspiration addiction, put down our bible-verse-applying-to-keep-us-safe and enter into wild and unpredictable relationships with people not like us.  we need to quit spending our time and energy feeding the 99 because it feeds our ego and leave them to go find and feed the 1.

oh i could go on and on.  i’ll stop here because i need to finish packing for our trip, ha!   i think these dreams are possible.  i think they are happening in small pockets here and there, but we are a long way from changing laws and changing perspectives and changing the-course-of-history-forever.  that’s what i hope happens in the years to come.  some days i’m optimistic and other days i think it’s utterly impossible because mainstream christianity has forgotten the beatitudes and subtly–and unknowingly–glommed on to a joel-osteen-alligator-shoe-like theology instead.   but i am sure of one thing–you, my dear friends who read the carnival, give me faith for what could be.  you bring me hope.  you help me keep dreaming.

thanks for your prayers & support for our africa adventure ahead; i’ll have some fun stories to share when i get back.  i won’t be able to respond to any comments until i get back from africa, but my friend will moderate any new commenters while i am gone, but i’d love to hear from you.  what are some of your dreams?

Posted in church stuff, dreams, equality, injustice | 7 Comments »

the difference between “cultivating communities” and “building churches”

January 14, 2010 by kathyescobar

“christian communities continue the work of Jesus.  they are sent to be a presence to people who are living in darkness and despair.  the people who come into these communities also respond to the call and the cry of the weak and the oppressed.  they enter into the covenant with Jesus and the poor.  they meet Jesus in them”

- jean vanier

like the word “pastor“, i think the word “church” has become gravely misunderstood. i have many a friend ask me why i am still stuck on the word.  i admit that when people say “i want to come to your church“– i always warn them that it doesn’t quite look like what they might associate with the word.  it’s sort of in the same vein of an experiment i heard about years ago where a bunch of people were asked “when you think of the word ‘Christian’ what do you think of?” the answers were “right-winged, judgmental, against homosexuals and abortion, political, and mean.” hmmmm.  then they were asked “when you think of Jesus, what do you think of?” and their answers were “mercy, love, compassion, grace.”

if the average person was asked what they thought of when they heard the word “church”, my guess is that they’d say “sunday morning, music or worship, a sermon, prayer, potlucks, either really boring or really inspiring (depending on which kind of churches they’ve been part of).”  it is very doubtful to me that people would associate the word church with “deep and meaningful connections with people, carrying each other’s burdens, eating with one another, sharing resources, advocating for the marginalized, and bringing the good news to hard places together in practical, tangible ways.” at some point i’ll have to do an experiment and test my theory.

yeah, i think it’s fairly easy to build a “church.”  the typical elements are not that hard to find–a gathering place, music, a good message, and some kind of programmatic glue will usually do the trick.  if the music and the message are good enough, some Christians out there will come.  i’m not saying they’ll come in droves–i think that’s a unique phenomenon these days, but i do believe that if the basic elements are there, some people will come and find what they are looking for.

cultivating real communities is a whole other animal.

i believe that finding ways to knit hearts together, share life and meals, gather around a common purpose but allow for a wide range of diversity and perspectives,  nurture a spirit of justice and action, and somehow create a safe and challenging container to learn to love Jesus, ourselves and others and be loved by Jesus, ourselves, and others requires a whole different way of thinking.

when we started the refuge, we tried to mix these two models.  we wanted people to come so we figured out a way to make sure there was music & teaching & a somewhat good vibe.  but at the same time, we were quite certain that we wanted to make sure that no one ever said “i go to the refuge because ‘i love the teaching/preaching’ or ‘i love the music’ or ‘i love the kids program.’”  we always wanted people to say “i go to the refuge because of the people.” so we intentionally didn’t ramp up our music or teaching and get people addicted to something that ultimately we believe is a “want” not a “need.”  i think people got confused.  they kept waiting for us to find our stride, and after about a year of muddling around trying to find ourselves it became clear that we were mixing models that can’t be mixed. we began to let go of the need to make people happy and lean into what was deep within our hearts–a desire to cultivate a diverse, experiential, advocacy-infused, transformational healing community. we also found that many people aren’t quite as interested in that.  they were looking for inspiring teaching, good music, and something amazing for their kids.  what we had to offer was a place to dialogue and be challenged on our faith & life journey, music once in a while because we think there are all kinds of ways to worship together, and lots of messy, wonderful grownups who will love the kids and know their names.

i don’t think what we are doing is the only way.  the only reason i sometimes sound like i think it’s the “best” way is because it fits with what i have always dreamed about in the deep places of my heart (even when i couldn’t articulate it properly or really even allow myself to believe it might be possible) when it comes to church–a culture of equality, authentic healing community, generosity, and faith-in-action-not-just-words-or-idea.  i respect and recognize there are all kinds of people who value and love different forms of “church’ and i don’t want to dismiss their preferences.

at the same time, though, i still do think there are a lot more “churches” being built than “communities” being cultivated.  and despite all of the new and beautiful ideas being experimented out there in the big, wild kingdom of God, there is still a long way to go in shifting some of these strongly held notions of “church.”  preaching, music, meeting place, and programs–even if they are packaged in a cooler way–still seem to be the primary things that people associate with “church.”  it’s just knit into the fabric of our christian culture, and while i believe many strides are being made to turn the tide, i still think the notion of “cultivating communities” is under-rated and under-valued.

i think it’s in many people’s hearts to do and try.  it’s almost like we know somewhere deep that that is where it’s at but the culture is so strong toward the old, typical models that it pulls the other direction.  i was talking to some friends who are looking for a new church in the city they moved to and what they have encountered is a wide range of diverse churches that seem to all be replicating the same old same old–with different twists.  i always call it putting new wine in old wine skins.

i really think we have to become less afraid to make new wine skins–radically different models of living in community together in a wide variety of contexts.

anyway, here are a few of my thoughts about the difference between “cultivating communities” and “building churches”

  • cultivating a community requires an extremely high level of relationship that many of us haven’t learned to really do. this is where i think “church” has done a disservice to many; we have focused on bible teaching but not bible applying.  even though we know it doesn’t work that way, we keep thinking “teaching about love” will equal love.  the way to learn how to love is to love.  and the only way we can learn how to love is to practice in close relationship and have our lives rub up against each other.  Jesus’ call to us love, really love, can’t be ignored, and like so many other ways of the kingdom it requires a level of commitment that most of us aren’t really excited to make.  being devoted to sacrifical love for one another can’t happen when we sit in the pews and listen to a message and go home or hanging out in a small group that talks about the bible but never what’s going on in the deep places of their heart and experience.
  • cultivating a community isn’t very sexy & requires a long view. i think that’s because of the first one.  real relationship with messy people is hard.  life change never happens in a snap.  slogging it out over the long haul with people is brutal and tries our patience. the fruit is harder to see, sometimes completely imperceptible to the un-Jesus-trained eye.  the “results” our human nature always tends to look for is sometimes elusive. church building looks for quicker fixes, success stories, things to capitalize on to take it to the next level.
  • cultivating a community requires breaking down power differentials.  that’s what i love about true community, brothers and sisters of all walks of life really in the trenches together.  real community crosses gender, socioeconomics, education, and all kinds of other great divides that tend to typically separate us.  i think that’s because in community, the relationships aren’t “to” or “for” but they are truly “with.” this takes out hierarchy and power and opens up the door for transformation in really powerful ways.
  • cultivating a community usually doesn’t make money. even though i  whine about money all the time, the truth is that i’m so glad it’s not a big issue for us as a community.  we don’t try to “get people” to get their money.  we don’t try to grow to pay our bills.  we don’t compromise our values and our core DNA to attract a certain type of people who would help us not have to struggle so much. though some who have means to help with $ do come and stay, it’s not because they are being wooed for their $ but because they have found a place to love and be loved, like everyone else. we are all basically here because we want to be together. that’s enough.

the best book i have read in a long time on cultivating community comes from jean vanier, who wrote community and growth.  i am making my way through it very slowly because it’s packed with so much wisdom.  he is the founder of the l’arche community in canada where henri nouwen lived and was deeply inspired.   it captures the spirit of so many things i am passionate about and reminds me that there is, indeed, a radical difference between cultivating true community and building churches.

what are some of your thoughts & experiences on the difference between cultivating communities & building churches?

* * * * *

ps:  i hope those of you on the east coast who are passionate about cultivating communities consider coming to the east coast gathering hosted by transform network at wesley theological seminary in washington DC april 30th-may 2nd.  i think a lot of practical, encouraging ideas will be shared.

ppss:  i have a post up at communitas this week–a field trip suggestion. if you go, let me know what it’s like for you.

and lastly–most importantly–may we lift up our prayers and our hands and our feet and our money and our hearts to come alongside our brothers & sisters devastated by the horrible tragedy in haiti.  these moments often feel overwhelming.   one tangible and practical way we can be part is to contribute to one days wages who are partnering with people on the ground to provide support.

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