bargaining: the what if’s and if only’s

kathyescobar faith shifts, healing, spiritual formation 12 Comments

we’re on day 3 of grief week and i have appreciated the comments & emails & thoughts that this has stirred up in different ways.  if you are just joining us, we started with denial.  then yesterday was a look into anger.  today, we move into the third stage that is part of any grieving process-bargaining. this is the stage–and one we often come back to in our healing (remember grief is not linear)–where we look back with regret and wonder: what if i had… if …

grief week: it starts with denial

kathyescobar faith shifts, healing, spiritual formation 17 Comments

well, exactly a year ago i said i was going to do a one week series called “grief week”, centered on the 5 stages of grief that can be part of church and life losses alike. then a friend from the refuge died suddenly in a tragic accident and i decided to start my summer blog-break early.  it’s been quite a year since then. the refuge moved into our new home (it’s been amazing, exactly what we had hoped and are in the process of raising …

leaving church to save our souls

kathyescobar church stuff, ex good christian women, faith shifts, fundamentalism, healing, incarnational 49 Comments

goodness gracious, people get riled up over conversations about “church.”  i wish we could get as much traction on justice & poverty issues!  it’s fascinating, really, how passionate many are about this topic, especially when someone threatens the church in any way.  i didn’t read all of donald miller’s post last week about why he doesn’t “go to church” much anymore (language that drives me nuts) but it sure did stir up a lot of discussion from all different angles. the one post i did read …

“i just don’t see how he could do that” & some thoughts on abuse

kathyescobar crazy making, healing, identity, incarnational, injustice 21 Comments

**warning: this post is about sexual abuse (and emotional, physical, and spiritual too) and so if you are extra sensitive to this topic, please know there could be possible triggers. abuse is one of the most damaging things that can happen to someone. and there’s never an excuse for it. young or old, male or female, or all of the different circumstances of where, when, and how the abuse happened don’t make a difference in its impact. once it happens, that person’s life is forever changed. i’ll …

5 false things the church often teaches us about healing

kathyescobar church stuff, crazy making, down we go, faith shifts, healing, incarnational 44 Comments

i have a theory about healing:  most of us need it, a lot of us want it, and many of our church experiences have taught us some things that make it harder to get. this makes me sad, mainly because church is supposed to be a place of healing, the safest place on earth to be transformed, a sacred space to experience God’s love & the love of people and be renewed over and over again.  i have come to believe that those of us who …

reality.

kathyescobar down we go, friendship, healing, incarnational, jesus is cool, the refuge 7 Comments

the other night at the refuge a friend slipped me a vodka bottle and said, “here, i really wanted to drink it but i know it’ll just mess things up more.” i was so proud of her and promptly went to the bathroom and dumped it out (i am really good at throwing out all kinds of drugs & alcohol & porn & razor blades & weird-things-people-need-to-get-rid-of-to-stay-safe). i have some really funny stories of things i hope and prayed a policeman would never pull me over …

habits of the heart

kathyescobar church stuff, fundamentalism, healing, incarnational, leadership 5 Comments

through an awesome friend’s connection, i recently became part of an inter-faith group here in denver, faith leaders from many different traditions coming together once a month to share and learn together. i am new to it so just kind of getting the groove and listening as much as i can, but it has been a really interesting experience and something i have been wanting to do for a while.  my favorite part of it is that each person there can speak from their particular tradition …

formation friday: enneagram love (and hate)

kathyescobar formation friday, healing, identity, spiritual formation, the refuge 46 Comments

i know so many people despise personality tools. they hate how they put us in boxes and label us and limit us.  i get that, but i think they can be really helpful tools to better understand ourselves, too. a few years ago i intersected with the enneagram, which in some christian circles is considered somehow taboo because of its jungian roots, but i can honestly say that out of all of the personality tests i have ever taken it has been the most helpful–and the …