privilege is not a dirty word

“privilege” doesn’t have to be a dirty word.

kathyescobar equality, healing, incarnational, injustice 1 Comment

“Privilege exists when one group has something of value that is denied to others simply because of the groups they belong to, rather than because of anything they’ve done or failed to do.” ~Peggy McIntosh The word “privilege” is being tossed around a lot these days, for good reason. There is a cry for justice, for equality, for systemic change in big ways right now and there’s no way around talking about privilege as part of the conversation. Some people say it doesn’t exist (don’t get me …

what are you for

what we’re for.

kathyescobar church stuff, down we go, dreams, equality, faith shifts, healing, the refuge 10 Comments

There’s a new church plant in my neighborhood at our local school. They moved here with a whole bunch of people from another state, started two services out of the chute, have mailed us multiple big expensive postcards, put up flags and signs lining the street, and even have parking attendants in bright orange jackets ready to guide you into your parking spot . I have seen them every Sunday morning because that’s a time I usually for sure take a walk. I told Jose the …

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embracing the rhythm of life’s friday-saturday-sundays.

kathyescobar advent & lent, healing 3 Comments

Today is Holy Saturday, the day between the death of Jesus and the resurrection. It’s the day that most of us want to skip over, the part that so rarely gets acknowledged, especially on a day of easter egg hunts and shining blue skies. I originally posted this 7 years ago (crazy how fast time flies honestly, it seems like yesterday and hard to believe we are celebrating The Refuge’s 9th Easter together). Last night after our small-but-so-sacred Good Friday gathering, a friend messaged me and …

friends-of-faith-shifters: things that help, things that hurt

kathyescobar faith shifts, healing, relationships 25 Comments

Some things I originally wrote made it into Faith Shift, and some things didn’t.  After multiple conversations in the past several weeks, I thought I’d share some of the on-the-cutting-room-floor pieces of this part of the Appendix to offer some possibilities for those who have friends or family members who are shifting in their faith and you don’t quite know what to do about it.  If your faith is unraveling and you’re getting pushback in all kinds of directions, maybe you can print this out and …

lifted heads and straightened backs

lifting heads, straightening backs.

kathyescobar equality, ex good christian women, healing, identity, women in ministry 13 Comments

Sometimes I get calls from women asking for help to get out of an abusive relationship. Skittish, scared, and filled with shame, they reach out and share their story. It’s so brave. Some are rich, some are poor. Some are educated, others have never graduated from high school. Some have kids while others don’t. Some have husbands, others never have. Some are leaders, others are followers. Some call Jesus their God, others lost their faith a long time ago. Their circumstances might be different but their …

despite the thorns there's still so much beauty

so much beauty despite the thorns.

kathyescobar church stuff, incarnational, jesus is cool 10 Comments

Well, that was kind of wild. My little post on narcissism and the church was the #2 most-hit blog post in carnival history (#1 is ex-good-christian-women, ha ha).  I am so glad because it means that people’s eyes are being opened to this issue in church culture. Hopefully we will actually let what we see guide us toward different choices about who we give our money, time, and talents to. Meanwhile, I have felt this sense of deep sadness the past few days. So much mis-used power. …

a thing or two about narcissism (+ church).

kathyescobar church stuff, crazy making, faith shifts, injustice, rants, relationships 59 Comments

For a lot of years now I have been journeying with a lot of women who have been in marriages or relationships with narcissists. I’m not talking about plain old self-absorbedness, of which we all have a touch of in different ways. I’m talking about something far more insidious and confusing, too–people with true blue Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) or just-plain-real-and-deep narcissism that makes people around them feel crazy, unempowered, abused, and emotionally stripped. Several years ago The Refuge hosted a gathering for women who had …

in my living room: choices

kathyescobar healing, relationships, spiritual formation, the refuge 6 Comments

One of my favorite times of the week is our Wednesday House of Refuge group that gathers at our house. A fun, open group, it’s been going since the beginning of The Refuge, almost 9 years now, and it’s always one of the most interesting times of my week. We have a potluck, and it’s wild and chaotic, with kids running to and fro and people eating and laughing and catching up. After dinner, the kids go downstairs and the grownups participate in spiritual conversation, which …