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Posted on Nov 14, 2012 in healing, spiritual formation, synchroblog | 4 comments

turning our ingrown eyeballs up & out

blog turning our eyeballs up and out* it’s really hard to put into words my gratitude for the many responses i received on monday’s post.  so much honesty and i appreciate each of you for taking time to share.  oh, how i wish we could all be together in my living room for a deeper conversation about this! online space has its limitations, but it does open up the door for tricky topics.  we need to learn to live in the tension of disagreement without being mean.  for now, i will say that i am very glad that somehow this struck a chord and gave language for some who are wrestling with living in these kinds of painful paradoxes.  i knew i wasn’t alone but it helps to know there are many who resonate.  i have three follow-up posts to this that are swirling around in my head and will go up over the next couple of weeks–dignified dialogue, why people are afraid to be honest, and ways we can actively participate in preventing abortions.  i hope you can come back and respond.  sometimes when there are controversial posts there’s a lot of action in the initial conversation or idea and all kinds of passion about it.  i’d really love to see as much passion on practical, tangible solutions, what we can do to better listen to each other, and how to become safer people who can intersect with these issues so that more people could feel free to process not only their own pain but also what they are wrestling with theologically without feeling like they are going to get totally jumped on. the only way  to get there is to keep practicing.  

* * * * *

meanwhile, today is the november synchroblog, a small group of bloggers blogging about the same topic. this month’s theme is the spiritual practice of gratitude.  we’re centering on gratitude at the refuge’s saturday gatherings & this past week some of the stories reminded me of how complicated it can sometimes be to be grateful, especially for the hard & painful parts of our lives.

and at the same time, gratitude heals.

years ago i read something about depression and ingrown eyeballs.

it has always stuck with me–ingrown eyeballs.

it is so easy to have them, especially when life is hard or not going the way we had hoped, to turn inward and only see what’s hard, bad, icky, ugly, you-name-it-that’s-not-helpful. i’m not talking about healthy introspection here; i’m talking about self-centered-joy-robbing-all’s-i-can-see-is-bad-stuff eyeballs. it is my natural tendency to focus on what isn’t instead of what is.  to see the bad instead of the good.  to remember the negative instead of the positive.

i don’t mean to.  i don’t want to.  but without some intention and help, it’s where i often end up.

i like gratitude because it helps turn our ingrown eyeballs up & out.

for me, up & out seem to always go together.

up toward God, to remembering there’s something bigger than us, that God is with us in the midst of whatever we are dealing with, that there’s a wide world out there beyond only what we can see.  sometimes, as a spiritual practice, i look up at the sky.  i stand and turn my head up and remember God’s greatness & bigness & goodness & wildness.

“up” helps.  and points me toward God.   

and turning my eyes and heart out toward people helps, too.  to remembering the beautiful friends around me who remind me what really matters. toward the in-the-flesh relationships that continue to heal and transform me. toward gratitude for the love & grace & mercy & presence & laughter & beauty of my family & friends who love me even when i have ingrown eyeballs.  i see their faces, their hearts, and it shifts something inside of me.

“out” reminds me what really matters–people.

every spiritual practice takes intention.  not a grind-down-make-it-happen kind of intention, but an openness and willingness to try some new things.  for me, a slice of the spiritual practice of gratitude is to look up & out.

up toward God, out toward people with simple gratitude.

some days it’s not easy, but it always seems to help.

* * * * *

other bloggers who wrote about gratitude so far today:

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Posted on Jan 20, 2011 in healing, jesus is cool, the refuge | 6 comments

gratitude heals

gratitude heals beach

* i wrote this post in november 2009 for the refuge blog.  last night at our house of refuge, my friend shared how gratitude helps her connect with God.  it made me think of this blog post & how true it is–gratitude does heal. right now, i am in a terribly difficult season physically & emotionally (chronic pain wears you down); i can easily dwell on all the things that “aren’t” and slide down the slippery slope into despair.  last night before i went to bed i tried to remember all the things that “are.”  i slept better (well, flexeril helps, too).

* * * * *

november 2009:  for the past few saturdays we have been focusing on the word “gratitude”.  for some, i have heard that it stirs up bad feelings–“here we go with the guilt–yeah, no doubt i’m probably not thankful enough.” for others, it is a reminder of how easy it is to forget how much we have to be grateful for–that life, circumstances, and all kinds of other things can block us from noticing what is good, what we do have to be thankful for despite what’s hard.

personally, i like the focus on gratitude.  i am not ashamed to say that i like the good ol’ cheesy alcoholics anonymous saying to cultivate “an attitude of gratitude.” i think there’s no downside to this principle.  but i also fully recognize that it’s not always easy to do.  let’s face it, sometimes we just don’t feel it.  we can’t see what is, we can only see what isn’t.  we can’t muster up a feeling that isn’t there.

still, regardless of the obstacles to gratitude, i think it does something powerful inside of us.  gratitude heals.

karl facilitated a couple of saturdays ago & focused on this passage in the gospel of luke 17:11-19:

As Jesus continued on toward Jerusalem, he reached the border between Galilee and Samaria.  As he entered a village there, ten lepers stood at a distance,  crying out, “Jesus, Master, have mercy on us!” He looked at them and said, “Go show yourselves to the priests.” And as they went, they were cleansed of their leprosy.  One of them, when he saw that he was healed, came back to Jesus, shouting, “Praise God!” He fell to the ground at Jesus’ feet, thanking him for what he had done. This man was a Samaritan.  Jesus asked, “Didn’t I heal ten men? Where are the other nine? Has no one returned to give glory to God except this foreigner?” And Jesus said to the man, “Stand up and go. Your faith has healed you.”

what he shared really struck me.  first of all, only one out of ten thanked Jesus for their immediate and powerful healing.  one out of ten. i think that’s telling.  i have no idea what was going through the other leper’s minds, but i find it interesting that the one that went back to offer thanks was the “foreigner”, the “outcast”, the “less-than.”  hmmm.  something to ponder.  i wonder if the others felt entitled to the healing?  or maybe they just got busy and went home and meant to say thanks but forgot?  i have no idea, but i do love that this one leper returned and offered his gratitude.

we will never know the ins and outs of what happened in that moment or what part of the leper’s heart Jesus saw, but karl pointed out an important thought:  maybe, what Jesus meant when he said “your faith has healed you” is “your gratitude has healed you.” he was already healed when he went to Jesus, cleansed of the ravages of leprosy.  but maybe, just maybe, the gratitude he held in his heart provided some healing power, too.

to me, the word “healing” can be interchanged with “transformation” or “change” or “shifts in our hearts.”  i think when we are thankful, when we give thanks–either out loud or in the quiet places of our hearts–that something changes, transforms, shifts inside of us.  it somehow heals.

it is so easy in the midst of dark, dark places to focus on what isn’t instead of what is. of all the things we don’t have instead of the things that we do. of all the things we wish were different.  i am also keenly aware of people in the midst of horrible, ugly, seemingly unredeemable situations who somehow can find light & be thankful for it.  i do think things are better for them.

i believe the scriptures help remind us of God’s heart for us, of a better way than we would conjure up on our own.  i am not so sure that God needs our thanks.  yeah, i am sure he appreciates it but really he’s probably okay without our strokes.  i really think God calls us to thankfulness because somehow he knows it will change us, transform us, heal us.

and that’s God’s heart for us–healing, transformation, change, hope.

yeah, gratitude heals.

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