friendship: safety & boundaries aren’t dumb psychology words

kathyescobar friendship, relationships, the refuge 16 Comments

* this is the next post from friendship summer camp.  it’s interesting that even as i share these here i can hear a voice that says “where’s the scripture in here? are we really going to talk about psychology stuff? come on, let’s talk about theology and church instead!” (hmm, mind-reading?).  but i will hold to what i keep learning–this stuff doesn’t drop out of the sky.  these skills help us become more loving human beings and i think that was always the idea! * * …

friendship: mind-reading, assumptions & saying-our-crazy-stuff-out-loud

kathyescobar friendship, relationships, the refuge 6 Comments

* thanks for bearing with me while i archived a bunch of guest posts last week.  i’m still waiting to hear back about my laptop and whether they could retrieve my data so here’s to hope.  this week i’m going to be sharing 5 simple posts from the refuge’s sacred friendship summer camp that we hosted on wednesday nights all summer. we had an awesome group of men & women participate and it was so fun!   i won’t be able to recapture the conversations but …

friendship heals.

kathyescobar friendship, healing, incarnational, relationships, spiritual formation 46 Comments

“i no longer call you my servants, i call you my friends” – Jesus in april i was honored to be part of the first sacred friendship gathering in chicago, coordinated by my friend dan brennan, who is a brave & amazing advocate for cross-gender friendships.  when i got home from the gathering, i entered into the beyond-crazy month of may and am just now getting around to posting some of what i shared. for me, i don’t wake up in the morning thinking about cross-gender friendships. …

practicing friendship

kathyescobar friendship, healing, incarnational, relationships, spiritual formation 20 Comments

* this is part 2 to the last post:  let’s be friends.  oh wait, we don’t know how to! i wish learning new things were as easy as taking a class, watching a youtube instructional video, or reading the perfect how-to book that provides all of the answers.  for fixing kitchen sinks, it probably works.  for cultivating long lasting intimate friendships with others, not so much. there’s no clear instructional manual for these kinds of relationships because they are complex.  at the same time, the Bible …

let’s be friends. oh wait, we don’t know how to!

kathyescobar equality, ex good christian women, friendship, healing, incarnational, leadership, relationships, spiritual formation 18 Comments

“there is nothing on this earth to be more prized than true friendship.” – st. thomas aquinas remember that book, “all i ever needed i learned in kindergarten”? sure, some of what we learned when we were five would be helpful to us as grownups.  but i’m also going to make a supposition that even by age five, weird friendship stuff may have already seeped in.  some boys stop playing so freely with girls. the power dynamics of who rules the playground kick into full swing.  …

over, under, beside

kathyescobar equality, ex good christian women, friendship, healing, incarnational, leadership, spiritual formation 6 Comments

“there is always warfare in our hearts; there is always the struggle between pride and humility, hatred and love, forgiveness and the refusal to forgive, truth and the concealment of truth, openness and closedness.  each one of us is walking in that passage towards liberation, growing on the journey towards wholeness and healing…” – jean vanier thanks for the great comments on dan brennan’s interview about cross-gender friendships.  one reader commented on facebook “i have no idea why this is still so controversial”.  i think that …

cross-gender friendships

kathyescobar crazy making, dreams, equality, friendship, healing, incarnational, relationships, spiritual formation 37 Comments

if you’ve been reading here for a while you know i am extremely passionate about cross-gender friendships and men and women learning how to be with each other, side by side, as friends– leading, loving, learning, growing, giving, practicing, sharing, connecting as equals.  we have terrible models for this, not only “in the church” but also in wider society.  sexualization & fear & power issues have really kept men and women from loving each other as friends.  we perpetuate the divide by keeping men in men’s …