codependent-with-god

our codependent relationship with God

kathyescobar church stuff, doesn't really go anywhere else, ex good christian women, healing, identity 5 Comments

Since I entered into recovery a big chunk of years ago, I came face to face with the realities of my co-dependency. As an adult child of an alcoholic, a 2 on the Enneagram, a pastor, and dyed-in-the-wool people pleaser, I pretty much hit codependency on all cylinders! The truth is most of us are codependent in some way, and it’s not just if we’re in relationship with addicts. All our control and addiction issues have their roots in codependency; it’s part of the human condition. Melody …

youre-not-alone-in-the-loneliness

the great loneliness.

kathyescobar down we go, faith shifts 35 Comments

Recently I was at a very large gathering of men and women around the US and abroad who deeply care about many similar things I care about. I love much of their work. But as I sat in the opening session and listened to the music and the prayers and the language and the rah-rah I felt this overwhelming sense of deep, weird, in-my-bones loneliness. In the past, the “container” would have really resonated. I would have liked the songs and the wow and the excitement …

faith is not pass fail

failed faith.

kathyescobar ex good christian women, faith shifts, healing 9 Comments

Well it’s Failure Week here on the blog. If you are just joining us, so far we had a short overview and focused on failed parenting. Today I want to talk about a topic near and dear to my heart because so many I know have or are experiencing it–failed faith. Just like there’s no such thing as failed parenting, I truly believe there’s never failed faith, either. However, there are many of us who either have–or are currently– experiencing some of these things when it comes …

the kids are alright

the kids are alright.

kathyescobar church stuff, ex good christian women, faith shifts, mommydom 13 Comments

If you’re friends with me on Facebook, your Newsfeed has been clogged with pictures of my daughter’s college graduation. Oh, what a beautiful weekend we had in New York City celebrating with family and friends. We are so proud of her! After four years in the Bronx, she is now moving on to dental school in the fall. We have now officially graduated two kids from college and have three more to go! Moments like these always cause me to look back and reflect, to consider …

a lot happens in the wilderness

out in the desert.

kathyescobar faith shifts, healing, identity 12 Comments

One of the things I sometimes hear about people who unravel their faith and end up on the outside of all they once knew is that they are being “rebellious, hard-hearted, self-centered, or mislead.” It’s an interesting observation because usually it comes from people who are feeling halfway decent about God, the Bible, and their faith. They are on the inside looking out, assuming far beyond what meets the eye. Unraveling, while messy and painful and confusing, is often one of the most sincere and faithful experiences …

gods got us

God’s got us.

kathyescobar faith shifts, healing, spiritual formation 13 Comments

A chunk of months ago I had the most amazing conversation with a reader of Faith Shift about the fear involved in Unraveling once tightly held beliefs. It’s a long story, but there was a beautiful sincerity in her words that I know she isn’t alone in. What if, at the end of the day, we go too far in this whole faith shifting thing? What if there’s some elusive line that we cross over in our transformation that means that God’s done with us completely? …

the best criticism of the bad is the practice of the better

“um, well, it depends on what you mean by ‘Christian'”

kathyescobar crazy making, faith shifts, fundamentalism, healing, incarnational 9 Comments

In the earlier days of my faith, knowing who was and wasn’t a “Christian” was a big deal to me. There was something attached to it that was comforting, familiar, certain. When I look back on those years, “Is he/she a Christian?” would come up in countless ways–related to teachers, doctors, family members, auto mechanics, friends, you name it. Now, if I hear it, I often feel myself tense up and my skin get a little itchy. I feel weird about my reflexive response because I …

listen love learn

important words from parents of LGBQT kids: what hurts, what helps

kathyescobar equality, faith shifts, healing, incarnational, injustice, what it's like 7 Comments

I had the privilege of spending a few days with an online support group for moms of LGBQT kids of all ages. What a gift! These are amazing women of hope and courage. As we all know, many strains of Christianity have not been kind to these kids and parents. The judgment, the ostracizing, the scripturizing has been extremely painful and has catalyzed many of them to experience painful (and freeing!) faith shifts. I loved listening to how people are finding their way, and a lot …