how glorious a human heart

grace jealousy.

kathyescobar church stuff, crazy making, down we go, faith shifts, healing, identity 10 Comments

I started writing this post over three years ago but never got very far. However, this thought has come back to me a lot over the past several weeks I thought I’d finish this half-baked thought. Plus, today’s my birthday and I have been a bit nostalgic, thinking of the things I wish I had learned earlier, the things I’m so grateful I’m learning now, the things I am willing to stand on tables for, and the things that I just don’t have the energy for …

church cannibalism

church cannibalism.

kathyescobar church stuff, crazy making 10 Comments

I’m going to be blogging a little bit more than usual over the next few weeks because this summer I’ll be taking a break here and I want to get out some of the things that have been swirling around in my head before then. If you get sick of hearing from me now, you can always come back in the summer when there’s nothing new here and read some of these posts then, ha ha. This will be short and sweet, well, not so sweet. …

what are you for

what we’re for.

kathyescobar church stuff, down we go, dreams, equality, faith shifts, healing, the refuge 11 Comments

There’s a new church plant in my neighborhood at our local school. They moved here with a whole bunch of people from another state, started two services out of the chute, have mailed us multiple big expensive postcards, put up flags and signs lining the street, and even have parking attendants in bright orange jackets ready to guide you into your parking spot . I have seen them every Sunday morning because that’s a time I usually for sure take a walk. I told Jose the …

a thing or two about narcissism (+ church).

kathyescobar church stuff, crazy making, faith shifts, injustice, rants, relationships 59 Comments

For a lot of years now I have been journeying with a lot of women who have been in marriages or relationships with narcissists. I’m not talking about plain old self-absorbedness, of which we all have a touch of in different ways. I’m talking about something far more insidious and confusing, too–people with true blue Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) or just-plain-real-and-deep narcissism that makes people around them feel crazy, unempowered, abused, and emotionally stripped. Several years ago The Refuge hosted a gathering for women who had …

the same minds that got us into the problem can’t get us out

kathyescobar church stuff, dreams, equality, injustice, women in ministry 7 Comments

One of the hardest things for me is when I see talented, amazing, gifted, educated, passionate, articulate, creative women who over the years have found that they have no place left in the church. They waited. They tried. They gave it their all. They showed up again and again and again and again. And in the end, the system just didn’t value them. Didn’t embrace their gifts. Didn’t ask them to be part of leadership beyond support and helping roles. Didn’t “get them.” Didn’t make room. …

why i still love the church.

kathyescobar church stuff, down we go, faith shifts, incarnational 13 Comments

Yes, I call out unhealthy church systems all the time. Yes, I rant and rave about equality. Yes, I believe sometimes people need to leave church-as-they-knew-it to save their souls. Yes, I am deeply disturbed by how power and control has hurt so many. But I also still do love the “church.” I believe in what it’s supposed to be. I believe in its power. I believe in its possibility. I believe in its purpose. Remember, though, I have a very loose definition of church. I …

10 tangible ways we can work toward equality in the church.

kathyescobar church stuff, equality, friendship, injustice, leadership, women in ministry 18 Comments

my dear friend & ministry partner recently attended a local leaders gathering and messaged me with a text that essentially said this:  “not one woman speaker, presenter, pray-er, anything-at-all-er. see, i am starting to notice it!”  i wrote him back, “yep, it’s real, and it sucks and thanks for noticing.” also this week i heard about this post by ed stetzer about his fear of being alone with a woman who wasn’t his wife;  it made me feel so sick and sad, to think how these commandments …

the difference between “cultivating communities” and “building churches”

kathyescobar church stuff, down we go, dreams, incarnational, leadership, the refuge 15 Comments

i originally wrote this post in 2010, and it’s part of down we go. but in the past couple of weeks i’ve had some interesting conversations that reminded me of it and i thought i’d pare it down and re-post it. it’s funny, still, after these years, my thought is pretty much the same except for adding one more point at the end. there’s a huge difference between cultivating a community & building a church.   like the word “pastor”, the word “church” has become gravely misunderstood. …