more than the mess

kathyescobar ex good christian women, healing, spiritual formation 9 Comments

  the picture on the left are cups are on my bathroom counter.  and no, they’re not for some science experiment i’m doing with my kids.  they’ve been there for over a week. jose has been seeing how many days it will take before i actually do something about them and the funny thing is that i just keep adding to them.  the dirty coffee cups & empty water glasses are multiplying right before our very eyes. and the fuzz, well, it’s starting to grow.   i don’t know …

praying when you can’t find your prayer beads or have taken the word “quiet time” out of your vocabulary

kathyescobar spiritual formation, the refuge 10 Comments

i am not a big pray-er in the traditional sense.   i don’t spend specific time every day dedicated to prayer. i don’t call on God on behalf of people in a specific way using certain words.  i don’t have a “quiet time” at the same time, in the same way, in the same place like i used to years ago when i was a good Christian rule-follower.    i don’t look very faithful in my “prayer life” according to a lot of standards.  but i think that is because the religiosity of …

how one parenthetical phrase could change so much

kathyescobar crazy making, fundamentalism 14 Comments

certainty.  i miss the days where i was certain, where things were black and white, where i knew the answer “because the Bible says so” and that felt like enough.  i can’t tell you the number of times i pulled the card “this is what the Bible says about x, y, or z and so that’s that.”  (it has been an awfully long time since i’ve done that so i hope i get some extra credit for increasing the “number of years i have been a …

the beauty and pain of pot-making

kathyescobar healing, spiritual formation, the refuge 9 Comments

and for all you naughties out there who only saw the title & not the picture,  i’m talking about pots that potters make out of clay!   yesterday i went to the spiritual direction  3 hour retreat that the refuge hosted at jenny’s house.   my friend debbie swanson, who is a spiritual director, facilitated.   i loved the time and space to just chill, be quiet, listen, receive.  it was good for my weary soul after a rough couple of days (the aches and pains of developing a new …

the flogging machine

kathyescobar crazy making, healing, just because i thought it was funny, the carnival in my head, the refuge 15 Comments

a friend emailed me yesterday and told me she had been hanging out in the flogging machine.  in my earlier post i referred to it, but  i realized that my friends from the refuge and some others may know what i am talking about but others might not have any idea what it means.  i did recently have someone ask “do you mean a fogging machine?”  and i’m like, “no, those are in concerts (and sometimes churches).” here’s the definition of flogging:  to beat with a whip, …

a cup of cold water

kathyescobar church stuff, dreams, the refuge, women in ministry 9 Comments

jose and i just got back from portland.  we went to hang out for the weekend with our friends deborah & ken loyd.  oh, it was good for my soul.  i was encouraged.  reminded that this is work worth doing.  challenged.  humbled.  these guys are the real deal and we left feeling more loved, less lonely, which always happens when we hang around other crazy people doing wacky ministry things that don’t make “sense.”  deborah co-pastors the bridge, which feels beautifully chaotic like the refuge (only with more tattoos and louder …

moving mountains

kathyescobar dreams, equality, injustice Leave a Comment

wednesday night at our house of refuge sage facilitated a really cool thing on prayer beads (more on that next week with some pictures, too!).  he ended our conversation with an excerpt from one of martin luther king’s sermons.  man it was good!  so inspiring and so interesting that 40 years later (this speech was delivered in 1965) it still applies just as clearly.  you see, oppression is still rampant.  poverty keeps increasing, not decreasing.  hate is on the rise.  exclusivity is still tolerated.   i do …

MOMFB – making other mommies feel better

kathyescobar ex good christian women, mommydom 15 Comments

 ah, in this picture we look so neat and tidy.  all my little j’s–jared, jamison, josh, jose (who helped create these beautiful babes), julia, and jonas.  so squared away.  so on top of life.  looks can be deceiving.  don’t for a minute think that a 10 second snapshot captures reality.  just take one step into  my house unannounced.  ask my kids.  ask jose. ask my friends from the refuge. pictures lie.  i love our life. i am happy.  yes, i wish i had someone who could help …