failed relationships

failed relationships.

kathyescobar ex good christian women, healing, relationships 2 Comments

Today’s post is a day late for Failure Week, but no one cares except for me, ha ha. I am trying to wrap up a few things before a blog break but I’ve been in the thick of a lot of hard stuff this week. In the midst of it, I have been thinking so much about failure and how pervasive fear of it can be.  So much has to do with expectations of ourselves, of others, of the forces of the world.  It makes me …

the golden rule

some possibilities for bridge building instead of bombing (even though i’m better at that).

kathyescobar church stuff, crazy making, faith shifts, friendship, leadership, relationships 4 Comments

I know I can be such a hypocrite. I say one thing and do another. I’m human. I’m doing the best I can with what I have but want to keep improving. I also think the how-do-I-stand-for-what-I-believe-or-think-needs-to-be-said-without-being-mean can be a dilemma. Take the Trump conversation, for example. I believe passionately we need to consider our addiction to kings. And this is my blog and a place where I can process out loud. I am sure some would prefer the language was softer or more balanced or …

different not divided practicing a third way image

different not divided.

kathyescobar church stuff, dreams, friendship, healing, incarnational, leadership, relationships, spiritual formation, the refuge, video convos 7 Comments

One of the things I care the most about is creating spaces and places where people can have hard conversations about life and faith. It’s not the easiest task. And to be honest, it’s much simpler to cultivate a safe space for recovery and healing than it is to create a space to hold our different theological differences in tension. Intra-faith dialogue is sometimes far trickier than inter-faith dialogue. Online conversations, while annoying, are often so much easier than face-to-face, in real life, with people that we …

people who fight fire with fire

please dear God, help us find a better way to talk about abortion solutions

kathyescobar crazy making, healing, incarnational, injustice, relationships 6 Comments

I always get nervous when I post about this topic because it brings out the trolls. At the same time, I can barely stand how horrid the conversations about abortion seem to go online. I believe in every part of me that there’s a better way to talk about this and find some better solutions together.   The problem is that the conversation is so charged, polarized, and completely unsafe that no one can say anything about it without things going bonkers. We will never get to …

anger

underneath anger.

kathyescobar ex good christian women, faith shifts, healing, mommydom, relationships, synchroblog 14 Comments

This month’s Synchroblog is centered on Anger. Here’s the description: “Anger sometimes has a bad reputation. Some of us have been taught that anger is a negative emotion, something that should be squeezed out, prayed through, avoided.  Others of us have been raised in families and churches that never allowed for expression of anger so we have no concept of what “healthy anger” even means.  What do we think God thinks of our anger? What do we think of it?  What are you learning about it? …

franciscan blessing

5 popular ways to shut down conversations about power.

kathyescobar crazy making, equality, incarnational, injustice, relationships 20 Comments

Years ago when I started speaking out against the powers-that-be about “church”, I noticed a pattern. Almost the minute something negative was shared, there would be an immediate defensiveness and responses like “be careful about being divisive”, “the church is made up of imperfect people”, “t’s not all bad”, or “I’ll pray for you.” The basic summary of the responses–“quit saying negative things, we don’t like it.” When the events in Ferguson broke out last year, I was appalled at the comments on Facebook when people from …

friends-of-faith-shifters: things that help, things that hurt

kathyescobar faith shifts, healing, relationships 26 Comments

Some things I originally wrote made it into Faith Shift, and some things didn’t.  After multiple conversations in the past several weeks, I thought I’d share some of the on-the-cutting-room-floor pieces of this part of the Appendix to offer some possibilities for those who have friends or family members who are shifting in their faith and you don’t quite know what to do about it.  If your faith is unraveling and you’re getting pushback in all kinds of directions, maybe you can print this out and …

a thing or two about narcissism (+ church).

kathyescobar church stuff, crazy making, faith shifts, injustice, rants, relationships 71 Comments

For a lot of years now I have been journeying with a lot of women who have been in marriages or relationships with narcissists. I’m not talking about plain old self-absorbedness, of which we all have a touch of in different ways. I’m talking about something far more insidious and confusing, too–people with true blue Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) or just-plain-real-and-deep narcissism that makes people around them feel crazy, unempowered, abused, and emotionally stripped. Several years ago The Refuge hosted a gathering for women who had …