just because i thought it was fun
happy 4th birthday, little blog.
4 years ago today 12.31.07, i was holed up in my house over christmas vacation starting this blog & joining facebook for the first time. wow, did those 4 years go fast. i am so thankful for the relationships i’ve made here, many of you i’ve now had the privilege to meet in real life, too, and i can’t say enough how grateful i am for all i continue to learn out here. when i first started blogging i made a commitment to blog once a week for one year to see what happens. that evolved into two years, then three years, and now it’s time to re-evaluate for a fourth year. every time i wonder–should i keep it going or call it a day?
blogging is an extremely vulnerable exercise. so many things can be misconstrued, used against you, misinterpreted. i can’t tell you the number of times the minute i hit “publish” i have felt panic. but i have also learned something really important through this discipline–it doesn’t really matter. it’s just too much brain damage to think through that all of the time. the much more important thing–and why i started this blog in the first place–was to practice staying current and freely sharing (from my heart not my head) my experience, struggles, passions, what-i-keep-learning, and dreams about life & church & relationships without editing all the time.
i hope to continue in 2012, at least as far as i can tell right now. i do know that i’m pretty buried with day-to-day life at the refuge, which is more important than this blog & pretty hard to juggle along with my pile of kids! but i will just keep doing what i can do and leave it at that. i don’t have any big commitments here other than to actually wrap up some of the things i-had-hoped-to-post-in-2011-but-never-got-around to-because-it’s-always-so-nutty-here, like the 8 ways to shrink a church series, a few more view from the margins interviews, and some stuff that got stirred up at our walking wounded weekend (i would love to have you join us for a 4 week online class starting the first week in february, too, if you are hurting & on the outs and would like to feel less stuck–the date changed because of some scheduling things on our end). i want to keep exploring the ideas in down we go, too, and in the first part of 2012 really would like to hear more what some of it has stirred up in your practices. well, that’s plenty to keep me busy.
if there’s anything specific you’d like to process in this upcoming year, let me know! email me or put it in the comments.
meanwhile, here’s a quick round-up of the top 10 posts of 2011 around here:
#1. why sometimes i get sad – my story of getting dumped as a baccalaureate speaker when some conservative pastors found out a female pastor was speaking. just.plain.weird. yeah, we still have a long way to go on this issue.
#2. yep, i guess i’m a heretic – and yep, none of these things are all that heretical when it comes to being a Jesus follower, in my opinion, but unfortunately a lot of systems have been hijacked by a lot of rules. i guess a lot of you are heretics too!
#3. while the world is crying out for hope, we’re talking about theology – my theory is that we’d much rather talk about theology than actually have to practice it because it’s a lot easier.
#4. cross-gender friendships – men & women can learn to live alongside one another as friends, brothers & sisters. it just takes courage & practice & God’s help. in april i’ll be part of a gathering in chicago exploring this topic hosted by my friend dan brennan.
#5. Jesus school: not the most inspiring in town – this is an old post & i think about it all the time, how hard but good it is to be in Jesus school.
#6. rising up from below – sometimes i go a little prophetess.
#7. white privilege, male privilege, straight privilege, economic privilege – it’s good for us to remember how much it exists. it’s not bad that we have it; the question is how are we going to use it?
#8. pericardiums – love hurts.
#9. loving God in lots of different ways – i am so happy that so many different people in various contexts used this material in groups & churches to explore how we connect with God. i loved this material & glad it made its way into other people’s hands & hearts.
#10. a nifty chart for the journey: stages in the life of faith – this post continues to be one of the most popular & i think it’s because this chart really helps us identify where we are on the spiritual journey, especially when we’re going through a lot of shifts, and what “going through the wall” looks like. it’s in down we go, too, in one of my favorite chapters–welcoming pain.
lots of love and peace to all of you. thanks for reading & have a fun new years eve! be safe.
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movies + books = summer fun
i really am going to get back to the series on co-pastoring that i started a few weeks ago. the last post on friendship was related but today’s has absolutely nothing to do with it because it’s part the august synchroblog. this month’s topic is light & fun, no theology or politics or deep intention, yay! just “what’s your best summer movie or book?” honestly, sometimes i get tired of my own intensity on this blog (i swear i’m fun in real life), so it’s nice to have a break. plus, i’m hoping to get a few good movie & book recommendations out of the other bloggers (links at the bottom & i’ll add more as they come in through tonight).
some of you who know me well or have read this blog for a long time know i love the movies. three summers ago i wrote about watching a lot of them. i haven’t watched TV regularly for over many years now and am always so busy with people & kids & work & life that there’s something really awesome for me about escaping to the movies. it’s my therapy. and way cheaper by the hour. with the kids home & a bunch of movie tickets from my birthday (plus my mom spoiling us) we saw a bunch together.
here are a few summer movie highlights:
loved kung fu panda 2, just no way not to adore the sweetness of it all, especially that beautiful adoption story.
we are all super-hero fans & with 4 boys, that’s always the top choice. i loved x-men: first class & captain america the best. the kids mocked me for liking the green lantern as much as i did but i am corny & liked the whole fear metaphor.
best laughs were in horrible bosses, which is naughty and definitely not for everybody but i was in the mood for it. if you haven’t seen it yet, don’t go see it on account of this review because you will lose respect for me.
i loved midnight in paris for all kinds of reasons–for pulling off a wild concept and making it work & for the challenge to enjoy the now instead of always looking back or forward.
super 8 made me the happiest because i went with the kids & we all loved it together.
at home i watched a few way-too-intense ones with my oldest son–restrepo, a documentary about an army unit in afghanistan that just about did me in, and then the departed. i had seen it before but couldn’t remember it all until the end. yikes! we watched whale rider for refuge outdoor movie night, too, and that is just a beautiful film.
i also made a pledge this summer to not read any non-fiction & just get lost in a few summer novels. my husband got me a kindle for my birthday in may & i’m totally digging the large print (true sign of getting older, when you get giddy over large print!).
good summer books:
the book thief – intense story set during the holocaust. i think hans huberman will be etched into my mind forever as one of my favorite characters of all time.
a visit from the goon squad – amazing character development & the wild ways she pulled it all together. so fun.
the hunger games – yes, i got sucked in..to all 3. then i sucked my kids in & bought them a copy of the trilogy that they all shared. i felt like i definitely got my money’s worth because it kept them busy.
same kind of different as me - i am reading it right now, about a third of the way done & enjoying it so far it is extra interesting on the heels of finishing down we go.
so there you go, more than you probably wanted to know about what i saw & read this summer! if you have any awesome recommendations, send them my way.
* * * * *
check out these posts by other synchrobloggers so far:
- K.W. Leslie at The Evening of Kent – My Summer Reading List, Thus Far
- Liz Dyer at Grace Rules – 12 Movies and a Novel
- Maria Kettleson Anderson at The Real Journey – Fiction, Movies and TV
- Steve Knight at Knightopia – Down We Go
- Jeremy Myers at Till He Comes - A Book That Invades Your Dreams
- Andrea at Andrea’s Balancing Act – What Do My Favorite Books Say About Me?
- Tammy Carter at Blessing the Beloved – Loyalty and Valor
- Steve Hayes at Khanya – Summer Reading
- Peter Walker at Emerging Christian – This is for All the Lonely People
- Carie at Carie’s Garden – Thar Be Dragons
- Sonnie at A Piece of My Mind – How to Train Your Dragon
- Amber at Growing Pains – Summer Readings
- Ant Writes – Books I Read and Movies I Don’t
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a time to…
this past weekend i facilitated a reflection exercise for my ex-good-christian-women’s group & i thought it’d share it here just in case any of you want to give it a try. it was our semester wrap & i wanted to do something that gave us some room to reflect & consider this season in our journey. the ecclesiastes 3 passage came to mind, so i used it as a template. so many beautiful things emerged!
anyway, i thought i’d share it here in case any of you wanted to use it either personally or with groups you are in.
here’s the template if you want to download & use it.
here was mine:
for everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven.
a time for quiet strength to be born, and a time for insecurity & self doubt to die.
a time to plant courage, and a time to harvest peace.
a time to kill self-hatred, and a time to heal from fear of abandonment.
a time to tear down walls that protect me, and a time to build up hearts that love me.
a time to cry about how hard it’s been, and a time to laugh about how hard it’s been.
a time to grieve over the loss-of-my-back-as-i-once-knew-it, and a time to dance because i still can.
a time to scatter people who don’t give a rip about me, and a time to gather people who do.
a time to embrace my voice, and a time to turn away from worrying about what other people think.
a time to search for balance, and a time to quit searching for the finish line.
a time to keep what’s important, and a time to throw away all the rest.
a time to tear apart “right doctrine”, and a time to mend what i deeply believe.
a time to be quiet about what isn’t, and a time to speak about what is.
a time to love slow & steady transformation in myself & others, and a time to hate impatience.
a time for war against resistance, and a time for peace in the chaos.
amen.
also, some of you saw this on my facebook, but i thought i’d share it here, too. this was my favorite song at the u2 concert on saturday night (it was truly an amazing show) & definitely fit into the conversation on “a time to….” enjoy.
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oh happy day!
well, i made it over to a new blog platform, hooray!
all of my posts & comments got here safely and i am relieved. one thing is very clear: i am a people person, not a computer person. it has been a huge, annoying project, and there are still some loose ends to tie up on links, etc., but at least the hard part is done.
i hope to get back in the groove with some new posts & interviews that have been swirling around in my head soon. if you haven’t already, i’d love it if you’d go over to the facebook page, too, and “like” it.
also, in the process of re-organizing things here i found a list of a bunch of posts that i wrote for communitas collective that aren’t on this blog but were only posted over there. i’m not sure what i’ll do with them, but if you’re bored this weekend and want to read instead of kill time on facebook or clean your house, i thought i’d post them here:
- we have a dream
- dreams are a lot prettier when they’re just dreams
- the beginning of flesh and bones
- wait, or jump…or jump, or wait
- letting go is hard to do
- “well, i’m here”
- just good people living out what they love
- forging ahead doesn’t mean forgetting what’s behind
- smashing down high places
- a doubter’s prayer
- to for and with
- let love be born in this place again
- an advent confession
- a field trip suggestion
- a journey toward an undivided life
- it’s about the people, people
- questions for the now
- a place to practice
- romance vs. reality
- i love people
- creating messes
have a great weekend. (jose & i are going to see u2 & the fray, yeah!)
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looking back, looking forward
oh i am glad 2010 is over. it’s been the weirdest year. unexpected health issues, woes of parenting teenagers, and just the regular ups and downs of real life have really taken their toll. i am continuing to heal from back surgery but it is very slow going & frustrating. i have moments where the reality of it all sets in and i just start to cry. overall, though, there were so many lovely, fun things that happened in 2010. we went to africa as a family, my oldest son graduated from high school and went to the naval academy, the refuge continued to deepen its roots & spread its wings, and i have been supported & surrounded by the most incredible people who love me so well.
at the end of every year i like to always take just a little bit of time to reflect on the past year & look forward to the year ahead. if you want to spend a little time on your own thinking through these questions, here’s the pdf to download
2010:
3-5 words that describe 2010: brutal, broken, freeing, tiring, $&@!!*^?
if 2010 was a book, i’d title it… “what i would give to be able to sit“
i am really glad i… 1. was able to be part of transFORM network’s east coast gathering. such good people, so many lovely dreams being cultivated. 2. took my family to africa, 3. practiced receiving.
something that really surprised me was… how much i love walking. i was always someone who liked to run because it was fast & i thought “why waste time walking?” the truth is i’d always run for a few weeks and then not go again for 6 months. i have walked pretty much every single day since mid-august & it has kept me sane. there’s an annoying but lovely metaphor in there for me.
the most brave thing i did this year was… listen to my doctors and do what they told me to do. i didn’t drive or sit for over 2 months. it doesn’t seem very brave but the truth is it takes a lot for me to humble myself and follow all the instructions without trying to find loopholes.
an image or icon that describes this year…. a burning house with me on the outside trying to put the fire out
i tried to let go of…. my teenagers. living in the tension of staying in & letting go has kicked my butt but been really good, too. i’m really thankful for them; they are amazing & teach me a lot.
i tried to hold on to… the hem of Jesus’ robe. that was the image that stuck with me the most this year, me on my hands and knees, reaching out for some relief.
i felt more hopeful about… simple-faith-and-love-in-action. that’s plenty. and doesn’t need to be defended.
i felt less anxious about… the refuge. it’s the ugliest duckling, the most beautiful swan, and the place i keep learning the most about what it means to love.
a relationship i feel extra grateful for this year…. jose. we had our 20 year anniversary in september & despite our sucky year we keep getting better and better together.
God is… off the hook. best shift i keep trying to make is to quit blaming God for everything & accept that the world is broken and God can bring hope & peace & joy & love & redemption in the midst of all the things i wish weren’t so.
a gift i received this year that i want to keep… my back makes life s-l-o-w-e-r
a gift i received this year that i want to give away… my back makes life s-l-o-w-e-r
2011:
words i hope describe this upcoming year… healing, freedom, risky
something new i really want to try… i am excited to take some classes toward getting certified as an addictions counselor, something i’ve wanted to do for a while & have some dreams for. i was supposed to take my first class december 1st but had to postpone it because of surgery. don’t worry, it’s not that complicated & really inexpensive. wish i would have done it years ago and all these hours would have counted! i’m in no hurry, just want to very slowly chip away at getting it done.
this year i hope i let go of … more and more shame & the annoying ways it creeps in
this year i hope i can hold on to… 1. confidence, the real & deep kind. 2. staying in the present instead of looking to the future with fear & the past with regret.
a way i want to take better care of myself is… keep walking & keep my schedule looser
i’d really love to experience more of God’s peace in…. the moment.
a relationship i want to nurture in 2011… my relationship with my body. i’ve been a bad friend and it’s time to make up.
i’m going to need God’s courage to…. try again, there are all kinds of things that would be easy to give up on but i know i need to “stay in, tell the truth, trust God, and let go of the outcome” (best words of wisdom from a friend’s therapist; i use it all the time).
one dream i have for 2011 is… 1. to be able to sit again without it being a big production. 2. that i don’t lose sight of the dream i have for an adult orphanage/place of refuge (aka small apartment complex/hub for intentional healing community). i just want to keep saying it so that someday it happens. for 2011, sitting is enough. i’m dreaming big.
so there you have it, more than you probably want to know about me, my back, and life here. i do want to say thanks for reading & for the connection & hope you bring to me. this blog is almost exactly 3 years old & i have learned more through it than i ever anticipated. peace & hope to you in the new year ahead, too.
because i like to make people feel better about themselves
i am not a very neat and organized person. actually, i am organized (i know some of you are chuckling right now, but i really do know where almost everything is). and if i had more time (and a full-time-personal-assistant) the truth is my life & my stuff really would be more organized because i really do like it that way. the problem is time & people & kids. and over the years i have learned to let go and just lean into the reality that these aren’t going to be my cleanest, neatest, most organized years.
this past friday night we had a voca femina share party at joshua station, which is an incredible place in denver that provides transformational housing for homeless families. it really is my favorite ministry in this city & we try to partner and bring beauty & food & love there whenever we can. we have had several voca femina share parties at different venues around the denver area in the past year or so, but this one made me extra happy because it was bringing beauty to a place where sometimes it can be covered up and lost. some of the residents (and kids, too) shared art & poetry & other lovely creative works. oh, it was a fun one.
at some of the previous parties i have shared some spoken word pieces. this time i was in the mood for something different; i got inspired on my way home from the gym when i looked down and saw 5 coffee cups on the floor of my suburban. trust me, no one can trash a car like i can. i started thinking “i wonder what kind of collage i could build from all the $*(!&!^$( that is in my car?” so i pulled into my driveway and found a lot–and i do mean a lot–of possibilities. even the easel that i built it on just happened to be in my car. anyway, i thought i’d share it with you; it was so much fun to make. you can’t see everything on it in the picture, but a few standouts are: money from bahrain, the little paper thingy that helps the christmas eve candles not drip, socks, scissors, a butane lighter, salad tongs, and a “Jesus loves la familia escobar” keychain with a very serious looking Jesus on it.
it’s a little embarrassing, really, but i like to make other people feel better about themselves, especially mommies.
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