injustice
love’s the thread & it’s stronger than we think
i love the book of colossians; i’ve shared here before that when my kids were little we had the NIV kids club cassette tapes (yes, we’re old) and i can pretty much sing all of chapter 3. each of these verses is a separate song:
“13 – therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselveswith compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 14 – bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. forgive as the Lord forgave you. 15 - and over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.”
in the wild and crazy conversation last week about equality, the verse 15 song came to mind–“over all these virtues put on love, which binds them together in perfect unity.”
my friend & copastor at the refuge, karl wheeler (who just started a new blog–check it out because it’s going to rock, details below), often says that we mistake unity for uniformity. this is so true! we think that when we are all on the same page, we have unity. but that not true unity; instead, it’s homogeneity that was never the idea. the kingdom of God is about holding our differences in love.
real unity is honoring our differences and being bound together by love.
it’s the virtue that binds us all together.
one of the things i most deeply respect about life in our little wild refuge community is that we do not agree on everything. we don’t have a statement of faith that automatically discerns who believes what (you can read what we do have written down; it’s one of my most favorite things we’ve ever written) and weeds people out. we don’t espouse a “here’s what we are sure God says about this or that” or a membership class that people need to sign in on before they can be part. when it comes to some of these tough issues of our faith, we are all over the map, with far left & far right and everything in between all tangled up together.
it’s honestly one of the prettiest things i’ve ever seen.
rich & poor alongside, even though life is so different from each other. educated & uneducated alongside, because people are people no matter how much schoolin’ we’ve had. liberal & conservative alongside, because love supersedes political viewpoints. gay & straight alongside, even with different views theologically. married & single alongside, because we need each other desperately. men & women alongside, because friendship is a way to practice & learn the ways of love.
we don’t see each other through any of those labels. we see each other as human beings, created in God’s image, all with the most important thing in common–a desire to love & be loved.
when it comes to last week’s conversation, i want to highlight an important point about our life together. our gay friends aren’t here making sure everyone agrees with them & our straight friends with a more scriptural conservative bent aren’t trying to prove anything. the same is true about any of our other differences. the reason this works is because love is the thread that binds us all together. as a leader in this community, that’s what we work our asses off to try to cultivate: a culture of safety (not of comfort but of real safety in a loving, challenging christian community).
and in a true culture of safety, we can disagree.
in fact, disagreeing is good. when we don’t allow room for seeing things differently then we are in danger of creating more pockets of conformity and not living humbly in the tension of being uncomfortable. our discomfort & differences force us to rely on God’s spirit to help us let go & trust & learn & wait and love more freely.
the world doesn’t need more pockets of conformity. there are plenty of those to go around.
what we need are more brave expressions of little pockets of love & freedom, where Christ’s restoration of human dignity and value is at the center despite our differences. where humility is practiced in a very active way. where submission, one to another and not just one-way-that-works-for-those-with-the-most-power, is embedded into the fabric of life together.
but even though i think the refuge is awfully pretty (it’s ugly to the un-Jesus-trained eye, though, i promise), it is also a very tricky space to hold.
some have left over time, frustrated that we hold the tension between differing views on the Bible & theology. they want us to draw lines in the sand and make things clearer. some get annoyed at having to make friends with people who aren’t like them. others really want better music & teaching & comfier chairs & something a little more predictable.
we refuse.
because we think there’s much more to learn about the ways of Love through our differences and discomfort than through our we-all-think-and-believe-the-same-thing and church-is-about-being-comfortable default.
my hope for the movement in the body of Christ and community cultivation is not that we sway everyone over to a new side on any of these issues and then all camp out together. that would be way too easy (and is what i fear these hot topics will tempt people to do). my hope is that we find a way to be together in our differences. to create a culture of true safety that bravely lets go of telling-others-what-to-believe-with-utter-certainty-on-one-biblical-interpretation and instead wrestling with these hard realities of life together. to see God’s image in each other and have that be enough to keep us united even when we might see the scriptures or life or a whole host of things different from each other.
love’s the thread that binds us all together in perfect unity.
it’s stronger than we think.
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ps: karl’s blog is called church dreamer. check out the about page & his first blog post, Jesus hates flatscreens. oh yeah, it’s going to be fun.
unless we’re all free, none of us are free.
“freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor; it must be demanded by the oppressed.“
- martin luther king, jr.
most of you know i’m a nut case for equality. you hear me talking a lot about gender equality but that’s just because it’s a critical starting place. when half of the population of the world is thought of as “less than”, we’re in serious trouble. in a church that is supposed to be the free-est, most liberating place in town, we’re in even deeper trouble. christians should be leading the way on equality in absolutely every area, yet we all know that on the whole, we are lagging behind, stuck in white privilege & imbalanced power & segregation and all kinds of things that are not reflective of the kingdom of God Jesus called us to create.
equality isn’t just about gender. it crosses into race, sexual orientation, socioeconomics, and any other ways we are divided that strip people’s dignity.
it’s not a side issue or a pet project equality is a core issue of an active faith and one that as Christ-followers we are called to participate in creating. here, now.
the fight for equal rights has never been a simple one. all over the world, there are wars & battles & movements calling for change. people are sacrificing all kinds of things on behalf of change, even their lives. i believe passionately that we re called to be dignity restorers and champions of equality in every way, shape and form. toni morrison says “the function of our freedom is to free someone else.”
i am supposed to use any freedom i have to help free my brothers & sisters who aren’t free yet.
yeah, unless we’re all free, none of us are free.
this week was a historic week in our country in the movement toward marriage equality. i always say it’s easy to be against equal rights when we have the ones we want. i love that our president stepped out in a big and bold way to advocate for change that’s been a long-time-coming in this country.
it was brave.
i hope it calls all of us to be brave, too.
the reason it’s so risky to stand on behalf of change in a public way is because we’re scared. we’re scared of what other people might think. we are scared we’ll lose our jobs. we are scared we’ll lose our ministries. we are scared we’ll lose others approval. we are scared we’ll be bullied alongside the outcast.
and the truth is that we might.
but it’s worth it.
because unless we’re all free, none of us are free.
galatians 5:13-15 says: “for you have been called to live in freedom, my brothers and sisters. but don’t use your freedom to satisfy your sinful nature. instead, use your freedom to serve one another in love. for the whole law can be summed up in this one command: “love your neighbor as yourself.” but if you are always biting and devouring one another, watch out! beware of destroying one another.”
i am so tired of all the destruction, all the ways christians have used the Bible & power & control to separate, divide, and strip others’ dignity.
but i firmly believe the solution is not in looking at how jacked up the system is and spending energy there. it’s fun to rant & rave about it, but the truth is that ranting and raving won’t change anything.
what will change things is when we begin to vote with our feet (and in ballot boxes) and refuse to be part of churches & systems & groups that oppress. period. they aren’t going to get our money or our time or absolutely-anything-anymore and i don’t care how good their music, teaching, or kids program is.
when we risk our reputations and speak out for equality and freedom.
when we actively participate in setting others free. that means creating little pockets of love & freedom where equality is practiced & dignity is restored.
our freedom is all tangled up together. our dignity is all tangled up together. our hope is all tangled up together.
Jesus shows us what love looks like–laying down our life for our friends. this means we will pay a cost on behalf of love. i am reminded of what cornell west says: “justice is what love looks like in public”
it’s time for change. so many are starting to rise up from below. there’s a holy stirring. a hunger and thirst for justice and righteousness. we are done sitting passively in our fear & complacency while our brothers & sisters are marginalized, oppressed, and stripped of their dignity.
the cost to us will be great.
we’ll lose our reputations, jobs, respect, friends, appearances of theological credibility, and a whole-bunch-of-other-things-that-are-worth-losing-on-behalf-of-doing-what’s-right.
so that’s why i’m writing this today. to say strongly and clearly that i stand on behalf of my brothers & sisters and their fight for freedom.
because unless we’re all free, none of us are.
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replacing the “f” word with the “d” word (no, not those ones!)
* this post is part of the monthly synchroblog, different bloggers writing on the same topic. this month’s topic is around gender equality, an issue near and dear to my heart. check out the link list at the bottom of this post to read the other posts (i’ll add more as they come in).
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“i have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made straight and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed and all flesh shall see it together.” – martin luther king, jr.
feminist is a dirty word in a lot of Christian circles. it has come to be associated with anger and reverse sexism and all kinds of other things that were never the idea. i personally don’t mind being called a Christian feminist because it goes with the territory; i am a passionate advocate for the liberation of women and am grateful for those who have gone before us and will go after us to pave the way for greater equality. at the same time, i’m not crazy about the word.
like the word “church” and “pastor” and a lot of other loaded words, i think we need to try to reclaim them or at least come up with some better ones that describe what we mean without such negative connotations. for me, i am not a feminist for the sake of women’s power.
rather, i am for dignity-restoring-in-all-the-places-where-it-has-been-lost.
when people are thought of as less-than, no matter what shape, size, color, gender, or experience, their dignity is stripped. period.
when 1/2 the population of the world is generally thought as less-than and inferior somehow, we’re in some pretty big trouble.
i don’t feel a strong call to promote the “f” word of “feminism”.
but i do feel a deep & burning passion to promote the “d” word–”dignity”- for all people.
we are all made in the image of God and have inherent worth because of it. many complementarians will agree, saying that men & women are “equal in value but different in role” but i believe they miss the point and underestimate how powerful the “under another” theology creates a propensity to oppress, silence, limit, and reduce.
it strips us of our dignity.
women are seen as less-than in most cultures. they were in Jesus’ time, too.
but he, God in the flesh, embodied something radically important–restoration of the dignity of not only women but anyone who was thought of as less-than.
still, the church of Jesus Christ, which should be the free-est, most radically inclusive, least-oppressive, safest space in town has tossed out a lot of what he modeled and went on to perpetuate inequality toward women in the same old ways. we’ve used a few scripture verses and an already-deeply-grooved-against-women-cultural-system to perpetuate oppression instead of follow Jesus’ example of restoring dignity & setting people free–like really free.
i do not want to see women empowered so that they can then power up on others & create the same kinds of inequality we already have, only in reverse. that would not be reflective of the kingdom of God, which is what God has called us to participate in creating.
rather, i want to see women set free to step into who they were created to be without man-made limitations that strip their dignity so that the reality of God can be reflected in all God’s children, here & now. when that original image of God is uncovered, unburied, fanned into flame, all kinds of beautiful things emerge.
men’s dignity will be restored, too.
the systems we have perpetuated haven’t only robbed women of their worth. they’ve robbed men of theirs, too. they’ve reduced them to stereotypical roles that they can’t live up to. they’ve put men in a place of wielding power that they didn’t even necessarily want. the systems have limited the possibilities of finding equal, strong partners.
dignity restoration is contagious.
over time, the divides that usually separate us can be crossed.
over time, families, neighborhoods, cities, organizations, nations will be changed.
over time, beside each other together as equals, we can more freely reflect the image of God in every relationship and system we are in.
to me, there’s nothing more beautiful than dignity-restored.
yeah, i don’t think we need more Feminists.
i think we need more Dignity-restorers.
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other bloggers writing on this topic:
- Marta Layton – The War on Terror and the War on Women
- Ellen Haroutunian – All About Eve
- Jeremy Myers – Women Must Lead the Church
- Words Half Heard – Rethinking Hupotasso
- Wendy McCaig – Letting Junia Fly: Releasing the Called
- Jeanette Altes – On Being Female
- Melody Hanson – Call Me Crazy, But I Talk To Jesus Too
- Glenn Hager – Walked Into A Bar
- Steve Hayes – St. Christina of Persi
- Leah Sophia – March Syncroblog-All About Eve
- Michelle Morr Krabill – Why I Love Being a Woman
- Liz Dyer – The Problem Is Not That I See Sexism Everywhere…
- Sonja Andrews – International Women’s Day
- Sonnie Swenston-Forbes – The Women
10 ways churches jack people up
i do not think church systems wake up in the morning and think “i’m going to hurt a lot of people today.” intentions are often good. stirrings from God seem clear. visions and strategies make total sense. the desire to make a difference “for the kingdom” is strong.
for all kinds of reasons, though, many church systems are really unhealthy. often our basic insecurity as christians is a flaw that crops up all over the place in the way we interact with the world. our blindedness to our own dysfunctions and the fear of counseling & recovery (for ourselves & within the church) makes us even more unsafe. sprinkle in power and a structure that has thrived with one charismatic leader on top, and it’s a recipe for disaster.
churches hurt people when they:
1. abuse power
2. put programs over people
3. perpetuate inequality
4. demand certainty
5. expect conformity
6. dismiss pain
7. ignore giftedness
8. pull the God/here’s-what-the-Bible says trump card
9. create scapegoats
10. shame, and then shame some more
i’m sure there are many more. these are just a few off the top of my head. what would you add?
i often wonder what Jesus would think of today’s contemporary church. what we’ve created seems so similar to what he was railing against during his time on earth. his call to a life centered on the beatitudes has been hijacked by many systems built on his name, and something far different has been promoted & modeled. there’s a lot of carnage out here because of it. beautiful, sincere, dear people who really believed in “church” and ended up on the outs for all kinds of reasons.
some days it just makes me cry.
i have a deep passion for those that we call “the walking wounded”–followers of Jesus hurt by the systems they have given their life, heart, time, passions to in all kinds of ways. i know if i hadn’t had a safe place to process after my painful church experience a chunk of years ago, i am not sure where my faith would have ended up. we crawled our way to healing together.
i don’t think the church is aware of how much hurt it has inflicted. the wheels keep spinning. self-preservation continues to be top priority. very little confession & change appears to be happening. and those who are still “in” get mad at the people who are “out” and think they should just get over it, quit being so angry & hurt, and start playing again.
this ignoring of the reality of wounding is even more painful for those already hurt.
almost every day i hear new stories of people who have lost what they most held dear and now don’t know where to turn. our brothers & sisters are on the side of the road, bleeding, bruised, and with no ability to find safe shelter since the one place they should be able to find comfort & spiritual care is the very place that jacked them up in the first place.
i wish there were safer spaces for healing from church woundedness, other than expensive therapy and blogs and people-left-to-figure-it-out-all-on-their-own. but the truth is there aren’t a bunch of them. i think these wounds scare people. i understand why. it’s tricky stuff because it’s often the deepest pain–damage to our souls.
but we’re trying to be brave and play our small part in creating one, a safe pocket of love and healing for those who have been hurt by church.
a place to tell stories & garner strength & find hope.
we hosted a live event in denver in october & just wrapped up our first online class–walking wounded: hope for those hurt by the church. it was really healing for those who participated, so we decided to offer it again, starting april 9th (registration details here). online isn’t our first choice; we wish we could all be together in the same room, but this is the next best thing. it’s our little contribution to the underground railroad.
meanwhile, my deepest desire is to not need a place for wounds to be healed because we’d begin to shift what’s creating the wounding in the first place.
that people who plant new trees would take a good, hard look at these 10 things and do everything possible to not re-create them.
that current systems would repent & change & embody a better way.
that the beatitudes would be infused in our hearts & our practices and we’d find ways to be people who heal & restore instead of jack up & hurt.
it’s so possible, it’s just a lot harder to do.
God, help us participate in healing & change in the church; we’re tired of seeing so many people hurt.
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the underground railroad
“if i could have convinced more slaves they were slaves, i could have freed thousands more”
- harriet tubman
this past weekend i was in portland for a women’s gathering called convergence. it is not a typical conference; there are no speakers, no people getting paid, no flash. just a sacred safe space for a bunch of women leaders to share & learn & soak & be challenged & encourage & grieve & grow. i went to see dear & inspiring friends and get a little soul care; it was also an honor to get to process some of the material from down we go with women interested in cultivating intentional little pockets of love & freedom and planting new trees.
one thing that i am always struck with in these moments is just how many incredible women there are whose gifts haven’t been fully valued. how many have been slaves to systems that mistreated them. and how even though they have been used and mistreated and undervalued in all kinds of ways, they still have hope & passion & dreams for the kingdom and are finding ways to live it out despite the obstacles. seriously, it’s amazing.
i know so many women–and men, too–who are being set free.
free from the bondage of religion.
free from the shackles of the system.
free from the oppression of abusive power structures.
free from being called nasty names & having our dignity stripped.
free from limitations on our faith.
free from a squelching of our gifts.
and freedom is costly.
when we choose the path of leaving systems & structures that continue to keep us in bondage, we choose a lonelier, scarier road.
but nothing tastes better than freedom.
the same day i arrived in portland, my wise & amazing friend phyllis mathis and i finished our first walking wounded online class: hope for those hurt by the church. it was so beautiful, so healing, so inspiring.
i was also reminded, yet again, how tough it is to find our way to freedom without a little help along the way.
my friend mar shared that walking wounded was a little like the underground railroad, a stopping spot on the way to freedom for the slaves. a hidden pocket of love & hope & refuge on the journey toward freedom. manned by others who believed in freedom, the underground railroad was made up of shelters & places of protection, places to be reminded that freedom was possible, places to be nourished, places that pointed others toward hope.
her words took my breath away.
i do not for a minute want to minimize the kind of oppression & human slavery african americans and so many other people experienced or are experiencing today. i respect that as westerners escaping from the grip of the institutional church, our bondage is quite a different kind.
at the same time, the imagery works for so many of our journeys.
the slaves wouldn’t have made it to freedom without the underground railroad.
and i wouldn’t have made it to freedom without other people who first told me i was a slave (i didn’t even know it) and then carried me along this path, gently reminding me that there was, indeed, something better ahead.
6 years ago i didn’t know i was a slave.
i was happy settling for crumbs because i thought that was all i deserved.
i thought the weird power dynamics i was experiencing as part of a church staff were normal.
i thought i should just be thankful i was “allowed” to do anything and knew it could be a lot worse.
i was stuck working for a system that didn’t really want me, just what i had to bring to make their system more successful.
that harriet tubman quote has gotten under my skin:
“if i could have convinced more slaves they were slaves, i could have freed thousands more”
so many men & women don’t know they’re slaves. don’t know they’re being bullied. controlled. used. limited. unvalued. stripped of dignity.
i certainly didn’t. but as i started walking this direction, i started meeting others who had been set free, too. they told their stories. they fed me. they gave me shelter. they pointed me on my way and told me to keep going, to not give up this journey.
years ago i watched a documentary on human slavery and remember clearly the story of an entire village who were slaves for generations upon generations in a free country. they had no idea they were slaves until someone bought one of their people’s freedom. then, one by one, the freed slaves helped the others be set free, too.
i believe in every fiber of my being that Jesus came to set people free, like really free. free-er than we can ever even imagine although i hope we can experience more and more of it this side of heaven.
and my freedom isn’t only about my freedom.
my freedom is about our freedom.
i’m not really free until my brothers & sisters are.
your freedom isn’t only about your freedom, it’s about our freedom.
and we’re not really free until our brothers & sisters are.
God, help us recognize our slavery.
and that there’s a true & beautiful & bumpy path to freedom.
for those of us already on the road there, may we play our part in offering shelter, hope, love, support, food, water, and courage to those walking this direction, too.
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seeds matter.
i have a black thumb. like if anything green enters my house–plants, flowers, yes even cactuses, within a week or two they are completely dead. it is funny to me that i ended up with this imagery from my post 2 weeks ago–plant new trees. i was amazed by how so many resonated with it and now i, the worst-grower-of-anything green, am going in for round 2 on the tree metaphor!
i also wanted to clarify something important about tree planting. trees just aren’t “church plants” in the typical sense, although they can be. i said,
these trees can be all kinds of shapes and sizes–individual relationships, groups, churches, ministries, organizations–little pockets of love & freedom cropping up all over that influence people and model a better way, a free-er way, an equal way, a more “oh, that’s what Jesus looks like” way.
we are the church.
wherever we go, wherever we are, wherever we are called to live, wherever we work, whatever relationships we are in, we can play our part in reflecting the fullness of God’s image and infuse the people & systems we are in with equality, dignity, and freedom in small or big ways.
in our families.
in our friendships.
in our neighborhoods.
in the places we work.
in our groups.
in our churches and faith communities.
in our ministries and places of passion.
we don’t have to keep perpetuating systems we fundamentally disagree with. we don’t have to pass on a legacy of inequality and sexism to our children. we don’t have to comprise our integrity to keep fitting in.
change starts with us. in down we go, i wrote “change is possible. otherwise I would have given up a long time ago.” so many of you know this, too. you’ve had every reason to give up after some of what you’ve seen in “the church” and you haven’t. you give me so much hope. but similar to what we are seeing in the farming industry right now, the big guys keep squeezing the little guys out. they control the industry, and use patents to force others to conform. they have money, influence, and power behind them. they control the information in the form of book & media distribution and countless other influential means.
they want us to keep using their seeds.
but when we are planting new trees–seeds matter.
to plant new trees we have to use new seeds.
it’s a little like what Jesus said about putting new wine into old wineskins–it ruins the wine. one of the things i have observed is that many people are interested in new wine, new kinds of trees and new forms of living out our faith in a broken, crazy world. the problem i see, though, is that we keep using the same containers/structures/systems and planting the same old seeds thinking something new will grow.
most of you have heard the definition of insanity–doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. and like addicts in denial about our using, we keep ignoring the bigger problem–us. and our crazy gravitational pull toward what’s familiar and stable, which is sometimes contrary to the kind of “kingdom now” living Jesus was talking about.
our only hope is to stop the insanity, ask for God’s help, and actually begin to do things differently. one day, one relationship, one group, one ministry, one system at a time.
so as we consider planting new trees, let’s keep reflecting on the types of seeds we’re using.
- are they seeds of the kingdom or seeds of the world?
- will they grow stories of change and hope or tales of power & control?
- will they invite everyone to be included or leave a lot of people out?
- will they leave room for doubt & mystery or demand certainty?
- will they create little pockets of love or big vats of competition and performance?
- will they cultivate equality and diversity or perpetuate the same kinds of people sitting around the same kinds of tables?
- will they value people above all things or make programs the priority?
- will our own life well lived be enough or will we always want “more, more, more”?
we have to reckon with this important reality: the cost of following Jesus is incredibly high. if things are only easy and “successful”, then something probably isn’t quite right. what he asked us to do was and will always always be contrary to the ways of the word (a lot of which the church has bought into). seeds of welcoming pain, diffusing power, practicing equality, pursuing justice and other practices based on the beatitudes will always be much trickier to plant.
but we must.
these are the kinds of seeds that will grow trees that reflect the kingdom and not the world.
people will laugh at us. we will feel stupid. we will look like losers sometimes. actually, probably often. we will look weak, we will seem inefficient. we will be called liberals, feminists, backsliders & rebels, as they’re missing the point of what we’re after. we will not have the money and resources we wish we could. we will get tired and want to give up. we will wonder why the leaves aren’t forming fast enough and our trunks aren’t thick yet. we will doubt ourselves. we will probably doubt God and question why those big shade trees keep prospering while we are sputtering to push up out of the ground and just stay alive through winter.
however, the stories of hope & change & healing & transformation will sustain us. those of you who have been planting new trees know that one story will water our soil for months, that one story of hope being fanned into flame or dignity being restored or a silenced voice being heard will sustain us through drought.
God, help us plant seeds that are reflective of you, not the world. we know they matter.
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check out a few other tree planting posts, good stuff: michelle krabill – i’m celebrating arbor day early this year, jessica mccracken – digging deep, planting trees & rachel held evans – let’s plant some seeds together
other kinds of new seeds: alise wright’s interview with dan brennan about cross-gender friendships & the monthly down we go column is up at sheloves magazine, diffusing power.
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