people who fight fire with fire

please dear God, help us find a better way to talk about abortion solutions

kathyescobar crazy making, healing, incarnational, injustice, relationships 2 Comments

I always get nervous when I post about this topic because it brings out the trolls. At the same time, I can barely stand how horrid the conversations about abortion seem to go online. I believe in every part of me that there’s a better way to talk about this and find some better solutions together.   The problem is that the conversation is so charged, polarized, and completely unsafe that no one can say anything about it without things going bonkers. We will never get to …

henri nouwen show not tell

Christian show or tell?

kathyescobar church stuff, down we go, equality, faith shifts, healing, incarnational 15 Comments

I recently had a brief and good but challenging conversation with a friend about Christian belief. It wasn’t a long drawn out one, but as they were explaining the ins and outs of why a particular belief was important, I could feel my body tense up and my heart shut down. The only thing I could think of was “I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t want to talk about this. I don’t want to talk about this. I don’t want to …

fusing - test copy

fusing: the 10 commandments.

kathyescobar church stuff, faith shifts, healing 20 Comments

Well, like so many other areas of my life, sometimes when I make plans, they fall apart. I had wanted to work on this series a few weeks ago as I prepare to take a summer blog break, but just never got to it in the hubbub of May, all 5 of my kids being home for a few days (so grateful and rare these days as they grow up), and wrapping up the Refuge semester. However, I am ready to go for it! 6 posts …


underneath anger.

kathyescobar ex good christian women, faith shifts, healing, mommydom, relationships, synchroblog 14 Comments

This month’s Synchroblog is centered on Anger. Here’s the description: “Anger sometimes has a bad reputation. Some of us have been taught that anger is a negative emotion, something that should be squeezed out, prayed through, avoided.  Others of us have been raised in families and churches that never allowed for expression of anger so we have no concept of what “healthy anger” even means.  What do we think God thinks of our anger? What do we think of it?  What are you learning about it? …

how glorious a human heart

grace jealousy.

kathyescobar church stuff, crazy making, down we go, faith shifts, healing, identity 19 Comments

I started writing this post over three years ago but never got very far. However, this thought has come back to me a lot over the past several weeks I thought I’d finish this half-baked thought. Plus, today’s my birthday and I have been a bit nostalgic, thinking of the things I wish I had learned earlier, the things I’m so grateful I’m learning now, the things I am willing to stand on tables for, and the things that I just don’t have the energy for …



kathyescobar church stuff, faith shifts, fundamentalism, healing, identity, incarnational 13 Comments

The other day I made up a new word without even knowing it. I was hanging out with some of my favorite people in Denver at our spiritual formation-support-group-hanging-with-people-who-understand-how-hard-this-work-in-the-trenches-is, casually talking about the fall-out of controlling ministry practices. In response to one of the comments, I said, “The truth is that just perpetuates God damage.” I guess I said it kind of quickly and so it came out “Goddamage.” Goddamage. Say it fast. Dammit it, I am so sick of Goddamage! Seriously. There are many people …

privilege is not a dirty word

“privilege” doesn’t have to be a dirty word.

kathyescobar equality, healing, incarnational, injustice 7 Comments

“Privilege exists when one group has something of value that is denied to others simply because of the groups they belong to, rather than because of anything they’ve done or failed to do.” ~Peggy McIntosh The word “privilege” is being tossed around a lot these days, for good reason. There is a cry for justice, for equality, for systemic change in big ways right now and there’s no way around talking about privilege as part of the conversation. Some people say it doesn’t exist (don’t get me …


unloading church baggage & moving forward.

kathyescobar ex good christian women, faith shifts, healing 9 Comments

In 2011, we hosted a live event at The Refuge called Walking Wounded: Hope for Those Hurt By Church. It was a great gathering of about 50 people, some from Denver, some from out of state–a place to laugh and grieve and gather some hope for the fallout of church and ministry pain. The next year, my friend Phyllis Mathis and I created a four week online course for people to access a more intentional space to walk through some of the big stuff that keeps …