“who does she think she is?”

kathyescobar dreams, equality, ex good christian women, healing, identity, jesus is cool, the carnival in my head, women in ministry 17 Comments

heard that one before?  we start to step out, to put our toe in the water, to pursue a bit of our dreams, use our voice, our leadership, lean into a passion, and the voice comes rushing in:  “just who do you think you are?”   sometimes it’s subtle, sometimes it’s blaring, but i think for so many it’s so real & it paralyzes us, robs us, ruins us from trusting what’s deep inside us, a draw to create, to move, to go somewhere God is asking …

kids & faith: what are we creating?

kathyescobar church stuff, ex good christian women, mommydom, relationships, the carnival in my head, the fam 24 Comments

my kids went back to school last week.  all five of them, out the door by 7:30 am.  ah, a little bit of quiet & freedom back in my day,  although i always hate to say goodbye to summer & oh, yeah, i always forget my refuge life is far from quiet. my oldest is a junior this year. my daughter starts high school as a freshman and my next son is starting middle school.  the twins are now in 3rd grade & every day i am more and …

the crazy tension between “too much” and “not enough”

kathyescobar ex good christian women, healing, relationships, spiritual formation, the carnival in my head 14 Comments

this past weekend i was in a conversation with some of my dear friends that i consider kindred spirits because we are all, in some shape or form, “ex-good-christian-women.”  for all kinds of reasons, we no longer fit the mold we used to try so hard to conform to.  these are courageous beautiful women who don’t just long for greater freedom but are actually moving toward it intentionally.  one of the thoughts that came up around the table was the paradox, the crazy tension between being feeling we are “too much” and “not enough.”   living this …

“auntie kathy, are you sure it’s not wrong for you to be a pastor?”

kathyescobar church stuff, crazy making, dreams, ex good christian women, fundamentalism, healing, women in ministry 61 Comments

well here’s a sincere email i received last week from my 14 year old niece.  i got permission from her to share it on this blog so don’t feel like i’m violating some private conversation.   i thought it was too important, telling, to just keep between her and i and if it helps challenge us a little, well, it’s worth it.   i know you will all honor and respect her for her question.  she goes to a conservative christian school: hey auntie kathy. i was just wondering what your input …

unbind her

kathyescobar church stuff, ex good christian women, healing, the refuge 16 Comments

i spent the past couple of days in downtown denver at a women’s event that some dear women i know put together called woman come forth. i run in weird diverse circles. i have my wild and crazy emerging friends, my conservative evangelical friends, my don’t-go-to-church-and-don’t-plan-to-anymore friends, my recovery friends, my eclecic refuge friends, my i-have-had-bad-experiences-with-christians-but-i-kind-of-like-you friends, and a hodge-podge of other lovely people God has brought across my path.   i am very thankful for the richness it all brings.  but sometimes it’s all kind of comical! this event …

the tortoise and the hare

kathyescobar ex good christian women, healing, spiritual formation, the carnival in my head, the refuge 8 Comments

remember this aesop’s fable?  with five kids i have read my share over the years…the stories are really timeless and profound in more ways than one.   a few weeks ago the story of the tortoise and the hare came back onto my scan, and i have been thinking about it a lot.   at our house of refuge jose asked us to look through magazines and pull out pictures that represented some form of a check in, something about where we were spiritually, emotionally, whatever.   the picture i was most …

faith & politics: my journey

kathyescobar crazy making, doesn't really go anywhere else, ex good christian women, fundamentalism 8 Comments

imagine that?   for years, honestly, i acted like i was 100% sure that God was a republican (a great quote i was reminded of this week by anne lamott:   “we can be pretty certain we’ve created God in our own image if he hates all the same people we do.” thanks, jonathan)  oh, how that was me!  please, anyone i have harmed or offended with my one-mindedness in years-past, forgive me.  trust me, i have already made my share of amends. i confess, for a pretty long season i was weirdly entrenched …

igniting the ember: emerging women finding their voice

kathyescobar church stuff, dreams, equality, ex good christian women, women in ministry 11 Comments

“women have been taught that for us, the earth is flat, and that if we venture out, we will fall off the edge”  – author unknown i’ve discovered the world is round. i have survived my venture out (so far) and although it feels like i have fallen off the cliff, i have found there really is solid ground beneath me.  it was fun facilitating the workshop “emerging women finding their voice” at the new conspirators conference in seattle last weekend.  as i mentioned before, julie clawson, who moderates the …