crazy making
of logs and stones
“let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” john 8:7
“why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?” luke 6:41
“do to others as you would have them do to you.” luke 6:31
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i have been reflecting a lot about these words from Jesus this week in light of our conversation about equality.
i think they are possibly the least-applied-passages-that-could-actually-change-the-church in the Bible.
honestly, it’s a little comical, how much time and energy has been spent picking apart passages about homosexuality, of which there are few, and women in leadership in church, of which they are even fewer. book after book and blog after blog have been written about those ones, that’s for sure.
i wonder how come we prefer those to Jesus’ powerful words in the sermon on the mount? how we’d much rather talk about who’s right & who’s wrong than live out the beatitudes? how we’d much rather spend time & energy defending what’s a sin and what’s not a sin than feeding the hungry or loving the lonely?
umm, i’m pretty sure of that answer (and i’m not certain of much): it’s a helluva lot easier.
laying down stones, worrying about our own logs & treating others how we long to be treated is some seriously heavy lifting. one of the things i love the most about the 12 steps & recovery is that people are focused on our own stuff, not someone else’s. one of the most important rules of the process is to stick with our own struggles, our own hopes, our own work and do what we can to stay on our side of the street as best we can.
it’s really quite beautiful. and freeing.
and really hard to do in human skin that loves to control.
control is a way to protect ourselves, to distract ourselves from the bigger work of looking at our own painful patterns that keep robbing us of life, of love.
but offering ourselves in humility is what Jesus told us we needed to do–to worry about our own logs instead of anyone else’s. to worry about the inside of our cups not the outside. to offer mercy instead of sacrifices to satisfy the law. to love our neighbor instead of judge our neighbor.
my theory is we’d much rather talk theology and ministry theory than be spiritually transformed ourselves. it’s a great distraction.
spiritual and personal transformation is painful. loving our neighbor is easier said than done. loving God & ourselves, sometimes even harder. reading blogs & defending positions is a piece of cake. looking at the logs in our own eyes–pride & control & ego & self-protection & a whole-bunch-of-other-character-defects–isn’t nearly as fun as defending a couple of Bible verses to the bitter end.
i also wonder for all who love using the Bible in every conversation, how come not much time is spent on passages that challenge us on greed? or power and control? or comfort and pride? or sacrifical love? or humility?
those ones aren’t nearly as fun to rattle on about because they are seriously convicting in our own lives, not just the lives of others.
i get the irony here of me being a hypocrite, of pointing the finger, of throwing stones in a blog post but that’s about not doing that. and i guess in this moment i would say “yep, i often am”; but i’m being convicted, too.
i can’t help but think that the world is crying out for hope while we’re talking about theology.
people are starving while we’re feeding on blog debates.
women & children are being violated while we’re haggling over whether a woman should be called “director” or “pastor.”
refrigerators are empty & electricity is getting turned off for people while we’re giving money to pay for flat screen TV’s.
if we layed down our stones and worried about the sin in our own lives, i have a feeling we’d be having radically different conversations out here.
if we tended to the forest in our own eye and didn’t give the speck in our brother’s another glance, i have a feeling we’d be plenty busy.
i think Jesus told us these important words for a reason. he knew we’d much rather throw stones & worry about others’ specks than be radically transformed.
the church has so much it can learn from the 12 steps and the incredible wisdom of the beatitudes. they embody an attitude of humility & mercy & meekness & purity of heart instead of an attitude of pride & judgment & control & division & finger pointing.
they help us lay down our stones.
they help us focus on our own logs.
they help us let go of needing to be in control or be “right.”
they help us be set free.
free to follow Jesus instead of defend Jesus.
free to learn instead of have all the answers.
free to listen instead of talk.
free to love instead of hate.
God, help us lay down our stones & worry about our own big ol’ logs so we–your body here on earth–can be wonderfully transformed.
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unless we’re all free, none of us are free.
“freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor; it must be demanded by the oppressed.“
- martin luther king, jr.
most of you know i’m a nut case for equality. you hear me talking a lot about gender equality but that’s just because it’s a critical starting place. when half of the population of the world is thought of as “less than”, we’re in serious trouble. in a church that is supposed to be the free-est, most liberating place in town, we’re in even deeper trouble. christians should be leading the way on equality in absolutely every area, yet we all know that on the whole, we are lagging behind, stuck in white privilege & imbalanced power & segregation and all kinds of things that are not reflective of the kingdom of God Jesus called us to create.
equality isn’t just about gender. it crosses into race, sexual orientation, socioeconomics, and any other ways we are divided that strip people’s dignity.
it’s not a side issue or a pet project equality is a core issue of an active faith and one that as Christ-followers we are called to participate in creating. here, now.
the fight for equal rights has never been a simple one. all over the world, there are wars & battles & movements calling for change. people are sacrificing all kinds of things on behalf of change, even their lives. i believe passionately that we re called to be dignity restorers and champions of equality in every way, shape and form. toni morrison says “the function of our freedom is to free someone else.”
i am supposed to use any freedom i have to help free my brothers & sisters who aren’t free yet.
yeah, unless we’re all free, none of us are free.
this week was a historic week in our country in the movement toward marriage equality. i always say it’s easy to be against equal rights when we have the ones we want. i love that our president stepped out in a big and bold way to advocate for change that’s been a long-time-coming in this country.
it was brave.
i hope it calls all of us to be brave, too.
the reason it’s so risky to stand on behalf of change in a public way is because we’re scared. we’re scared of what other people might think. we are scared we’ll lose our jobs. we are scared we’ll lose our ministries. we are scared we’ll lose others approval. we are scared we’ll be bullied alongside the outcast.
and the truth is that we might.
but it’s worth it.
because unless we’re all free, none of us are free.
galatians 5:13-15 says: “for you have been called to live in freedom, my brothers and sisters. but don’t use your freedom to satisfy your sinful nature. instead, use your freedom to serve one another in love. for the whole law can be summed up in this one command: “love your neighbor as yourself.” but if you are always biting and devouring one another, watch out! beware of destroying one another.”
i am so tired of all the destruction, all the ways christians have used the Bible & power & control to separate, divide, and strip others’ dignity.
but i firmly believe the solution is not in looking at how jacked up the system is and spending energy there. it’s fun to rant & rave about it, but the truth is that ranting and raving won’t change anything.
what will change things is when we begin to vote with our feet (and in ballot boxes) and refuse to be part of churches & systems & groups that oppress. period. they aren’t going to get our money or our time or absolutely-anything-anymore and i don’t care how good their music, teaching, or kids program is.
when we risk our reputations and speak out for equality and freedom.
when we actively participate in setting others free. that means creating little pockets of love & freedom where equality is practiced & dignity is restored.
our freedom is all tangled up together. our dignity is all tangled up together. our hope is all tangled up together.
Jesus shows us what love looks like–laying down our life for our friends. this means we will pay a cost on behalf of love. i am reminded of what cornell west says: “justice is what love looks like in public”
it’s time for change. so many are starting to rise up from below. there’s a holy stirring. a hunger and thirst for justice and righteousness. we are done sitting passively in our fear & complacency while our brothers & sisters are marginalized, oppressed, and stripped of their dignity.
the cost to us will be great.
we’ll lose our reputations, jobs, respect, friends, appearances of theological credibility, and a whole-bunch-of-other-things-that-are-worth-losing-on-behalf-of-doing-what’s-right.
so that’s why i’m writing this today. to say strongly and clearly that i stand on behalf of my brothers & sisters and their fight for freedom.
because unless we’re all free, none of us are.
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reframing crazy when it comes to church
how many times have you all heard me talk about our “crazy” little church, the refuge? and about how people i know who are doing all kinds of wild & beautiful missional things for the kingdom are a “little crazy but not alone”? or how “crazy” my life in the trenches is?
i use the word “crazy” all the time when i talk about life down here because compared to the big church machine, it is.
people really do think we are crazy (can’t tell you the number of people who say “i could never do what you guys do” like it’s some kind of weird anomaly in the church of Jesus Christ to actively love one another [that's crazy]). but the truth is that we’ve sort of adopted that language, too. that what we’re doing is somehow “crazy”.
i recently had a very short but lovely conversation with two missional church cultivators who are doing what we’d call “crazy” work, too. in the conversation one of them said, “i used to think we were crazy but then i started re-thinking it. i began to say, hey, we’re not the crazy ones here. read the gospels, this is so not crazy. that system is what’s crazy!”
“that system is what’s crazy!”
those words have really lingered and i’ve been thinking about them all week.
what if we reframed crazy when it comes to church?
what if instead of thinking that small-missional-communities-and-people-working-on-the-fringes-of-life-and-faith were crazy, we started thinking that maybe these things were actually crazy instead:
isn’t it a little crazy that in the church supposedly built upon the teachings of Jesus Christ that half of the population is silenced and kept underneath the other half?
isn’t it a little crazy that millions of people go to church each week and never talk to anyone past saying “hello” to a greeter?
isn’t it a little crazy that the same people who are marginalized on the outside of the church are marginalized on the inside, too?
isn’t it a little crazy that there is usually never a really poor person or a hurting person or a single mom on a board of elders?
isn’t it a little crazy that for the most part the pretty and the popular and the outwardly strong are the only ones we ever see or hear from up front?
isn’t it a little crazy that millions of dollars are spent on buildings & staff salaries while people in the congregations are on food stamps & medicaid?
isn’t it a little crazy how much money & energy & time is spent on dynamic teaching, amazing worship, and an awesome kids program that happens for one hour every week?
isn’t it a little crazy that every church has so many people with amazing gifts & passions & talents that not one person in their congregation even knows about?
isn’t it a little crazy that there are so many people who go to church each week but do not personally know one single poor person ?
isn’t it a little crazy that following Jesus has become about going to church & believing certain things & listening to certain radio stations or voting for certain candidates?
isn’t it a little crazy that pastors have to pay exorbitant amounts of money to seminaries to somehow become “qualified”?
isn’t it a little crazy that we don’t think this is crazy?
seriously, we need to reframe crazy when it comes to church!
a place where people can share openly about their addictions & struggles & hopes & doubts & fears. breaking the divide between us & them. women freely leading alongside men as equals. all welcome and not only until they’re actually honest. safe places for gifts to be fanned into flame with no power or control trips. a focus on living out the Bible instead of talking about the Bible. tangible ways to love & care & serve & learn how to be a friend. dialogue instead of passive listening. experiencing instead of watching.
i’m pretty sure when it comes to following Jesus these things aren’t supposed to be “crazy”.
to the world, yes. to the church built on his name, um, i don’t think so.
yeah, we so need to reframe crazy when it comes to church.
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settling for crumbs
* i wrote this last month & never got around to posting it. i’ve recently been thinking about it even more, how awesome it would be if we had more help planting new trees. but it requires people to bravely give up the old and begin actively participating in creating the new.
* * * * *
“one hundred religious persons knit into a unity by careful organization do not constitute a church any more than eleven dead men make a football team. the first requisite is life, always.“
- a.w. tozer
sometimes when i am in conversations with people about church i can go a little nutty. i am learning self-restraint. i am learning to listen and not put in my two cents. i am learning to respect that church stuff is so deeply embedded culturally that often we can’t see the weirdness of what we are even saying.
sometimes i hear accounts or stories about church experiences, and they often include these general strains of thoughts:
i don’t really like that my church is so big and no one knows me and i don’t have any friends there, but there’s nowhere else to go so i guess i just have to live with it.
my church has a policy that the pastors will never email or return any phone calls so i don’t expect a response to my question anyway.
i know that pastor mistreats people right and left but he is a really good speaker.
when i asked for a little extra support during a hard time i couldn’t even get an appointment.
i know women aren’t really valued, but at least they get to do more things than a lot of other churches allow.
my kids need something, so i just go for them.
i am excited about this dream or that idea or to have a place to use my gifts but no one at my church really cares about it.
the saddest part for me is that one of the reasons the wheels keep spinning around on weird and unhealthy systems is that people just keep participating in them, giving their money and time, thinking there aren’t other options. and it’s true–there aren’t a lot of great alternatives when we’ve become so accustomed to certain comforts!
it is hard to step out of what we know into something new when the experience of church as usual is engrained in us “this is what we do, this is what church is like, this is what i can expect.” or, what we’re getting at church is enough of a benefit to keep going, even when somewhere down deep it doesn’t feel quite right.
i feel clear that these examples are not how Jesus-infused community is supposed to function. if we are going somewhere where no one knows us, we can’t get any help when we are hurting, and there is no space to explore what we might have to offer in terms of giftedness & passion, then something is seriously off.
these simple elements shouldn’t seem like a long-shot when it comes to what we would hope for out of christian community. but alas, there is a difference between cultivating communities & building churches. and there is a difference between going to church & being part of the church. most of all, there’s a difference between settling for crumbs and eating a good meal at the table.
when we think that crumbs is what we deserve, that’s what we’ll eat.
when we think there’s probably no other food available, we’d rather sit & be undernourished than look for something more satisfying.
our stomachs have become accustomed to something far different than the kind of community we read about in the Bible and dream about in our hearts.
church stuff is tricky. every church can’t be all things to all people. churches are made up of human beings and we are far from perfect. and church hopping with a “consumer” mindset doesn’t help, either.
however, the big idea of the gathered body of Christ wasn’t about going through the motions, remaining unnoticed, uncared for, unnurtured, and unempowered.
systems will never change until we stop contributing to the madness.
there are options other than continuing to roll with the way things are. they just might be a little scarier!
but wasn’t that the way living out the ways of Jesus were supposed to be?
i believe the world would be a much better place if those who fundamentally know something is wrong with the systems they are in stopped using that hour and a half every week sitting in a church service and focused their energy in a more productive others-centered direction. we could spend that time hanging out with someone else who’s lonely, inviting a neighbor over for dinner, gathering with friends to share life & laughter together, volunteering at a ministry or organization in desperate need of more hands & help, or checking out some other church expressions that might feel foreign but could open up new possibilities.
there are so many other possibilities for “church”!
also, i respect there are many who are fine in these systems and are thriving & happy there. this isn’t about them. i am talking about those of us who know something’s wrong, that it feels cruddy, that it’s not-right-somehow, but just keep going…and going..and going…anyway.
i love the church. it’s meant for so much more than it often is. it is supposed to bring life, not loneliness, complacency, and disconnectedness.
we can be the change we want to see.
we can stop “spending money on food that does not give us strength and paying for food that does us no good” (isaiah 55:2).
i believe God’s got some really tasty food for us! but first we have to quit settling for crumbs, scoot away from the table, and open ourselves up to new ways to live out our faith.
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plant new trees.
“then God said, “let us make human beings in our image, to be like us.” – genesis 1:26, NLT
this past week i saw a flurry of facebook posts about john piper’s latest words about masculine christianity. i am pretty out of the blog-reading circuit because there are only so many hours in the day and mine are jam packed with people & kids & more kids & more people. at the same time, i love that challenging conversations are happening and social media is a powerful tool to raise awareness.
i did not listen to john piper’s presentation or link to the blog post. i don’t have the stomach or time for it, but i got the cliff notes version from rachel’s blog. i like her idea of helping people consider other views of God that aren’t specifically masculine. i have no trouble with God being masculine. the trouble i have is assuming God is primarily masculine because Jesus was a guy and chose 12 male disciples and then building entire systems upon that thought, utterly dismissing a whole other half of God’s image and essence. along with that half, i am certain we’re missing a whole lot of other things about God that we have been afraid to explore because the systems & churches we have been part of have kept God so contained.
john piper makes caricatured roles for men and women, over-simplifying the image of God placed in each of us. this denies not only women of their fullness, but men as well.
whether we want to admit it or not, piper’s theology is deeply embedded into most of standard evangelical christianity. it just is. men do certain things and women do other certain things. if each sex would just step into “God’s intention for them” (“appropriate” social roles), everything will work just fine and everyone will be “free.”
when God created humans, God made us in in the fullness of God’s image. not half, not part. yes, we are unique and different, and that’s why we need each other to more accurately reflect the fullness of God’s image. the body of Christ is a reflection of God. if that’s the case, then why is half missing, devalued, and thought of as less somehow?
change in “the church” is coming. a holy stirring is happening and many people are starting to call it for what it is–oppression, sexism, and a fear-based theology that perpetuates injustice. however, it has become so innate that merely trying to shake it out of our system isn’t going to cut it. we’re not a few awesome blog posts away from changing these deeply grooved systems of injustice.
when considering change, there are two natural reactions to it that we think of first:
1. prune off what’s not working. if we can prune some of these injustices out of “the church”, we’ll be okay. this is the idea of changing systems by making some adjustments here and there that will shift things. raise awareness, start to think differently about it, help leaders become more sensitive to issues of equality, influence change from within.
2. raze the ground completely. knock it all down. it’s flawed, it doesn’t work, it harms people. the whole thing is so jacked up that we just need to walk away from it entirely.
i feel strongly that alone, #1 just won’t work. i’m not saying that some systems can’t be changed from within but i think it’s a pretty brutal road and will require leaders who are willing to shrink their churches & ministries, pay some serious emotional, spiritual, and financial costs, and lose all kinds of things they are used to gaining. honestly, that’s not super likely on a wide scale. human nature & self protection will strongly work against such courage. pruning also dismisses the magnitude of the problem. we’re talking about deeply grooved systems of injustice that go back to the beginning. the root system is strong; a little tweaking isn’t going to bring full equality for anyone.
i also believe that blowing the whole thing up isn’t really an option. it works for some people. they believe in certain scriptural interpretations & hold dearly to their tenets. i may disagree, but i don’t think that means there aren’t valuable things that happen for people through their churches and so scrapping the whole thing isn’t really fair or respectful.
i think there’s a much better option:
plant new trees.
trees that have the roots of equality from the very beginning.
trees that gain nourishment from a free-er gospel and soil that is enriched with freedom and hope instead of fear and absolute certainty.
trees that have men and women and rich and poor and educated and uneducated and black and white and gay and straight all tangled up together from the beginning.
trees that are tended to gently and naturally instead of pumped with unnatural growth agents & pesticides that try to advance the progression of development to “catch up faster” to other churches that will always have the advantage of time and power on their side.
trees that get their strength from the beatitudes not the latest and greatest how-to-grow books and conferences.
trees that are well-watered by people who are tired of talk and are ready for action.
trees that over time will flourish and bring shade and fruit and all kinds of other goodness for generations to come in the communities & cultures where they are planted.
a diverse ecosystem of trees that more accurately reflect the fullness of God’s image.
these trees can be all kinds of shapes and sizes–individual relationships, groups, churches, ministries, organizations–little pockets of love & freedom cropping up all over that influence people and model a better way, a free-er way, an equal way, a more “oh, that’s what Jesus looks like” way.
yeah, pruning won’t cut it. razing isn’t an option. let’s get planting. i have a feeling some of you are really good gardeners.
* * * * *
here are a few other links i wanted to highlight:
many of you have probably read it, but if you haven’t check out rachel held evans’ post this week: they were right (and wrong) about the slippery slope. i slipped off the slope a long time ago and sometimes tell those that wonder, “yeah, i completely slipped off the slope and somehow found the most solid ground i’ve ever stood on.”
our walking wounded online class starts monday february 6th. registrations are possible until then, so if you or someone you know want to be part, you can sign up at that link. it’s going to be good! i also am not sure when we’re planning on running it again so now’s the right time if you’re on the fence.
i wrote a little post for provoketive magazine last month that i forgot to share called stories that matter.
lastly, i posted this on facebook & it made some pretty good rounds, but if you missed it, here’s the trailer from my awesome friend pam hogeweide’s new book, just released at the end of january–unladylike: resisting the injustice of inequality in the church:
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it’s a helluva lot of people being influenced
when it comes to church, i firmly believe that the “best criticism of the bad is the practice of the better.” at the same time, i think it’s sometimes worth calling out its inconsistencies when it comes to the so-contrary-to-the-non-oppressive-ways-of-Jesus as a reminder and to gain resolve & clarity on why we feel so passionate about change.
yes, i recognize “the church” is a flawed system made up of imperfect human beings.
it also has an incredible ability to influence people. it possesses a wild amount of power to sway us certain directions. many often believe lock, stock & barrel what leaders say from the pulpit, TV screens, books, and most any other medium where someone is “teaching”. we assume the ones talking must know what they are talking about and just go with it.
their charisma is intoxicating. their clarity and certainty is comforting.
when it comes to issues of equality and inequality, this means a helluva lot of people are being influenced to believe in complementarian theology and practice. so many sit in the pews and nod their head when they hear about biblical manhood & womanhood and how men just need to step up and be the head of their households and women just need to support them properly. book after book gets written about this topic; the truth is that on the whole–the ones that sell like hotcakes–are those that adapt this hierarchical theology to contemporary culture in a slick, inviting way. don’t even get me started on mark driscoll’s new book & ed young’s new gimmick (i couldn’t bring myself to include the links).
but like it or not, people are listening. these guys are strong, clear, certain, charismatic communicators. and thousands and thousands and thousands of men & women are following them.
they are influencing a helluva lot of people.
when i was on a megachurch staff years ago we pulled together a really challenging premarital workshop that was egalitarian & honest & real. we tried not just to talk about budgets and the number of kids each person wanted. we shared from ephesians 5:21 (submit to one another out of reverence for Christ), the part of the passage no one ever starts with. i remember all those sweet young couples in there going “huh, i’ve never heard this before.” there were a lot of other things we explored together, but the point is this–the message was new and liberating. i am still proud that even for a short season we offered another angle.
a chunk of months after i left the staff i saw the premarital workshop being advertised again for the next round of soon-to-be-marrieds. the wording, the content, and the leadership had completely changed and the new focus was on exploring “biblical manhood & womanhood” and “God’s given roles for marriage.”
we all know what that means. yeah, it doesn’t go down too good for the women. or the men either, actually.
it broke my heart, but i wasn’t surprised. now, many years later, i feel sad when i think of the thousands of people being influenced by this usually subtle & sometimes direct teaching. not only in premarital workshops but in the daily grind of church culture where men are in charge, women are serving their butts off, and the power differentials Jesus tried to knock down continue to get perpetuated. mega-churches influence thousands of people. add the smaller churches who espouse the same theology and all of the books & seminars & bible studies being written and sold by people with power, and it multiplies exponentially.
it’s a helluva lot of people being influenced.
i’m sad for all the awesome women who are sincere and want to do the right thing before God and will read all kinds of books & go to all kinds of groups to learn to be a good christian women and always come up short. i know the feeling.
i’m also sad for all those men who will never be able to lead strong enough to be valid christian men and for all the ways they lose out on a strong and equal teammate.
mostly i’m just sad that many people don’t know that there are other options and ways to view the scriptures. i do not know one mega-church that actually teaches egalitarian marriage. i am sure they exist, but i believe they are very rare. many will say “we value women” and “we believe in equality.” but the truth is that deeply embedded in the cultural norms, teaching, and ethos of their bodies is a particular way of interpreting biblical roles for men and women that continually keeps women underneath men instead of in equal, free relationship with each other.
our best hope is to continue to be the change we want to see.
we can create smaller missional communities that teach a better way. we can play our part in restoring sexual brokenness and being people of change and hope. we can encourage women to lead more freely. we can model the beauty of equal marriage. we can blog our hearts out about equality and justice. we can learn how to bravely practice cross-gender friendships and write challenging pot-stirring books. all of these things are helping turn the tide, and that is beautiful. i may be a bit more skeptical than some, but i do believe major shifts are happening, and that’s always how we get to a new place. i think it can happen faster if more brave leaders use their power, influence, and charisma to directly influence change.
there will always be those who hold deeply to their interpretation of the scriptures that support male headship. i respect that. but there is a far wider population who only believe it because that is what their pastors, leaders, books, radio & TV shows, and podcasts tell them to believe. so many have never looked at it from another angle because no one in power has showed them another angle.
God, whether we influence a small amount of people or a lot of people, help us be brave and use our power & voices & lives to show another angle from which we can serve you and others better and actively participate in turning the tide.
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