crazy making
plant new trees.
“then God said, “let us make human beings in our image, to be like us.” – genesis 1:26, NLT
this past week i saw a flurry of facebook posts about john piper’s latest words about masculine christianity. i am pretty out of the blog-reading circuit because there are only so many hours in the day and mine are jam packed with people & kids & more kids & more people. at the same time, i love that challenging conversations are happening and social media is a powerful tool to raise awareness.
i did not listen to john piper’s presentation or link to the blog post. i don’t have the stomach or time for it, but i got the cliff notes version from rachel’s blog. i like her idea of helping people consider other views of God that aren’t specifically masculine. i have no trouble with God being masculine. the trouble i have is assuming God is primarily masculine because Jesus was a guy and chose 12 male disciples and then building entire systems upon that thought, utterly dismissing a whole other half of God’s image and essence. along with that half, i am certain we’re missing a whole lot of other things about God that we have been afraid to explore because the systems & churches we have been part of have kept God so contained.
john piper makes caricatured roles for men and women, over-simplifying the image of God placed in each of us. this denies not only women of their fullness, but men as well.
whether we want to admit it or not, piper’s theology is deeply embedded into most of standard evangelical christianity. it just is. men do certain things and women do other certain things. if each sex would just step into “God’s intention for them” (“appropriate” social roles), everything will work just fine and everyone will be “free.”
when God created humans, God made us in in the fullness of God’s image. not half, not part. yes, we are unique and different, and that’s why we need each other to more accurately reflect the fullness of God’s image. the body of Christ is a reflection of God. if that’s the case, then why is half missing, devalued, and thought of as less somehow?
change in “the church” is coming. a holy stirring is happening and many people are starting to call it for what it is–oppression, sexism, and a fear-based theology that perpetuates injustice. however, it has become so innate that merely trying to shake it out of our system isn’t going to cut it. we’re not a few awesome blog posts away from changing these deeply grooved systems of injustice.
when we start thinking about change, there are two natural reactions to it that we think of first:
1. prune off what’s not working. if we can prune some of these injustices out of “the church”, we’ll be okay. this is the idea of changing systems by making some adjustments here and there that will shift things. raise awareness, start to think differently about it, help leaders become more sensitive to issues of equality, influence change from within.
2. raze the ground completely. knock it all down. it’s flawed, it doesn’t work, it harms people. the whole thing is so jacked up that we just need to walk away from it entirely.
i feel strongly that alone, #1 just won’t work. i’m not saying that some systems can’t be changed from within but i think it’s a pretty brutal road and will require leaders who are willing to shrink their churches & ministries, pay some serious emotional, spiritual, and financial costs, and lose all kinds of things they are used to gaining. honestly, that’s just not super likely on a wide scale. human nature & self protection will strongly work against such courage. pruning also dismisses the magnitude of the problem. we’re talking about deeply grooved systems of injustice that go back to the beginning. the root system is strong; a little tweaking isn’t going to bring full equality for anyone.
i also believe that blowing the whole thing up isn’t really an option. it works for some people. they believe in certain scriptural interpretations & hold dearly to their tenents. i may disagree, but i don’t think that means there aren’t valuable things that happen for people through their churches and so scrapping the whole thing isn’t really fair or respectful.
i think there’s a much better option:
plant new trees.
trees that have the roots of equality from the very beginning.
trees that gain nourishment from a free-er gospel and soil that is enriched with freedom and hope instead of fear and absolute certainty.
trees that have men and women and rich and poor and educated and undeducated and black and white and gay and straight all tangled up together from the beginning.
trees that are tended to gently and naturally instead of pumped with unnatural growth agents & pesticides that try to advance the progression of development to “catch up faster” to other churches that will always have the advantage of time and power on their side.
trees that get their strength from the beatitudes not their latest and greatest how-to-grow books and conferences.
trees that are well-watered by people who are tired of talk and are ready for action.
trees that over time will flourish and bring shade and fruit and all kinds of other goodness for generations to come in the communities & cultures where they are planted.
a diverse ecosystem of trees that more accurately reflect the fullness of God’s image.
these trees can be all kinds of shapes and sizes–individual relationships, groups, churches, ministries, organizations–little pockets of love & freedom cropping up all over that influence people and model a better way, a free-er way, an equal way, a more “oh, that’s what Jesus looks like” way.
yeah, pruning won’t cut it. razing isn’t an option. let’s get planting. i have a feeling some of you are really good gardeners.
* * * * *
here are a few other links i wanted to highlight:
many of you have probably read it, but if you haven’t check out rachel held evans’ post this week: they were right (and wrong) about the slippery slope. i slipped off the slope a long time ago and sometimes tell those that wonder, “yeah, i completely slipped off the slope and somehow found the most solid ground i’ve ever stood on.”
our walking wounded online class starts monday february 6th. registrations are possible until then, so if you or someone you know want to be part, you can sign up at that link. it’s going to be good! i also am not sure when we’re planning on running it again so now’s the right time if you’re on the fence.
i wrote a little post for provoketive magazine last month that i forgot to share called stories that matter.
lastly, i posted this on facebook & it made some pretty good rounds, but if you missed it, here’s the trailer from my awesome friend pam hogeweide’s new book, just released at the end of january–unladylike: resisting the injustice of inequality in the church:
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it’s a helluva lot of people being influenced
when it comes to church, i firmly believe that the “best criticism of the bad is the practice of the better.” at the same time, i think it’s sometimes worth calling out its inconsistencies when it comes to the so-contrary-to-the-non-oppressive-ways-of-Jesus as a reminder and to gain resolve & clarity on why we feel so passionate about change.
yes, i recognize “the church” is a flawed system made up of imperfect human beings.
it also has an incredible ability to influence people. it possesses a wild amount of power to sway us certain directions. many often believe lock, stock & barrel what leaders say from the pulpit, TV screens, books, and most any other medium where someone is “teaching”. we assume the ones talking must know what they are talking about and just go with it.
their charisma is intoxicating. their clarity and certainty is comforting.
when it comes to issues of equality and inequality, this means a helluva lot of people are being influenced to believe in complementarian theology and practice. so many sit in the pews and nod their head when they hear about biblical manhood & womanhood and how men just need to step up and be the head of their households and women just need to support them properly. book after book gets written about this topic; the truth is that on the whole–the ones that sell like hotcakes–are those that adapt this hierarchical theology to contemporary culture in a slick, inviting way. don’t even get me started on mark driscoll’s new book & ed young’s new gimmick (i couldn’t bring myself to include the links).
but like it or not, people are listening. these guys are strong, clear, certain, charismatic communicators. and thousands and thousands and thousands of men & women are following them.
they are influencing a helluva lot of people.
when i was on a megachurch staff years ago we pulled together a really challenging premarital workshop that was egalitarian & honest & real. we tried not just to talk about budgets and the number of kids each person wanted. we shared from ephesians 5:21 (submit to one another out of reverence for Christ), the part of the passage no one ever starts with. i remember all those sweet young couples in there going “huh, i’ve never heard this before.” there were a lot of other things we explored together, but the point is this–the message was new and liberating. i am still proud that even for a short season we offered another angle.
a chunk of months after i left the staff i saw the premarital workshop being advertised again for the next round of soon-to-be-marrieds. the wording, the content, and the leadership had completely changed and the new focus was on exploring “biblical manhood & womanhood” and “God’s given roles for marriage.”
we all know what that means. yeah, it doesn’t go down too good for the women. or the men either, actually.
it broke my heart, but i wasn’t surprised. now, many years later, i feel sad when i think of the thousands of people being influenced by this usually subtle & sometimes direct teaching. not only in premarital workshops but in the daily grind of church culture where men are in charge, women are serving their butts off, and the power differentials Jesus tried to knock down continue to get perpetuated. mega-churches influence thousands of people. add the smaller churches who espouse the same theology and all of the books & seminars & bible studies being written and sold by people with power, and it multiplies exponentially.
it’s a helluva lot of people being influenced.
i’m sad for all the awesome women who are sincere and want to do the right thing before God and will read all kinds of books & go to all kinds of groups to learn to be a good christian women and always come up short. i know the feeling.
i’m also sad for all those men who will never be able to lead strong enough to be valid christian men and for all the ways they lose out on a strong and equal teammate.
mostly i’m just sad that many people don’t know that there are other options and ways to view the scriptures. i do not know one mega-church that actually teaches egalitarian marriage. i am sure they exist, but i believe they are very rare. many will say “we value women” and “we believe in equality.” but the truth is that deeply embedded in the cultural norms, teaching, and ethos of their bodies is a particular way of interpreting biblical roles for men and women that continually keeps women underneath men instead of in equal, free relationship with each other.
our best hope is to continue to be the change we want to see.
we can create smaller missional communities that teach a better way. we can play our part in restoring sexual brokenness and being people of change and hope. we can encourage women to lead more freely. we can model the beauty of equal marriage. we can blog our hearts out about equality and justice. we can learn how to bravely practice cross-gender friendships and write challenging pot-stirring books. all of these things are helping turn the tide, and that is beautiful. i may be a bit more skeptical than some, but i do believe major shifts are happening, and that’s always how we get to a new place. i think it can happen faster if more brave leaders use their power, influence, and charisma to directly influence change.
there will always be those who hold deeply to their interpretation of the scriptures that support male headship. i respect that. but there is a far wider population who only believe it because that is what their pastors, leaders, books, radio & TV shows, and podcasts tell them to believe. so many have never looked at it from another angle because no one in power has showed them another angle.
God, whether we influence a small amount of people or a lot of people, help us be brave and use our power & voices & lives to show another angle from which we can serve you and others better and actively participate in turning the tide.
Read Morewalking wounded: hope for those hurt by church
have you…
- been asked to leave a church or told you’re not a “good fit”?
- felt forced to conform or remain consistently overlooked?
- been told that you are loved but not your sin?
- questioned leadership or theology and found yourself on the outside?
- felt sad, angry, afraid, lost, or disoriented after painful church experiences?
i’m guessing some of you might have answered yes to one (or all!) of these questions! if you haven’t, you probably know someone who has. unfortunately, there’s a lot of church carnage out there. dear people who with good hearts who somehow ended up in the ranks of what we call “the walking wounded.” for all kinds of reasons, many have found themselves on the outs of the church and are wandering, disillusioned, disoriented, wondering “how in the $*!&$^!& did i end up here?”. i know the feeling. and how important it is to have other people to be able to share with so we feel less alone, less crazy, and can find some hope.
one thing that feels clear to me is that there aren’t very many great places for these kinds of conversations. the churches or systems that hurt us usually hum right along and keep on moving while people are laying on the side of the road. there’s no question that covert conversations at coffee shops, late night crying sessions with faithful safe friends, and online dialogue definitely help. but what seems to be missing, we think, is a really safe, intentional container for healing, hope, laughter & community.
on friday evening, october 21st & all day saturday october 22nd, we are hosting a space for this conversation called walking wounded: hope for those hurt by church. it’s a weekend gathering of fellow wanderers, sinners, rebels, and church refugees who are trying to find their way in the wilderness and long for a safe space for conversation, laughter, hope, and sanity.
you can check out all of the details on the site, but if you have any specific questions, etc. feel free to email me. because of limited space, we do need everyone to register online & the registration deadline is october 1st. if you need help with accommodations in denver, there’s a place on the registration form to let us know & we can work on some possibilities for you.
please consider coming (if you are in this spot in your life right now) or pass it on to others who might need some hope. there’s a small team of us pulling together all of the details & i do feel confident about this–it will be safe, it will be fun, it will be healing.
read the FAQ’s. there’s no catch. no big agenda. no money being made. our only hope is that the people who need to be there come & leave feeling less alone, less crazy, and more hopeful that the wild and scary path they are on can lead to freedom.
i’m really looking forward to it (and of course a little sad that there’s a need for such a thing!)
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why sometimes i get sad
last month a mainline pastor from a small town outside of denver got in touch with me to see if i would be willing to come speak to their high school’s baccalaureate service in may. they were looking for a female pastor, someone who would inspire the kids & open up some doors that hadn’t been opened previously by some of the standard baccalaureate sermons/messages.
i really appreciated his enthusiasm & desire to press the envelope a little (and the date worked for jose & i to go together & have a fun night away afterward) so i said yes.
yesterday i got an email from him letting me know that unfortunately when the other pastors and leaders found out that a female pastor was speaking, they banded together to reject the idea. they said they couldn’t listen to someone they didn’t agree with and strong-armed a very conservative evangelical into the spot instead.
his email was so kind, and he was so sad that his hope got hijacked. he tried to fight the good fight and just couldn’t make it happen. i ended up talking to him on the phone just to make sure i was clear what he was really saying and didn’t misunderstand. i asked, “so, is it really just the woman pastor thing or is it about my beliefs or ?“ he said that the woman thing was definitely the main issue, the deal breaker, and anything that remotely is connected to the word “emerging” was just icing on the cake.
we had a nice conversation & i really felt bad for him, really. it’s a drag when you can see a different way & have hope for what could be and tradition & power sucks everyone back under.
for me, it’s now just one less thing to do in a busy month. but, it hurts. it just does. it’s hard to not have it hurt. one of the reason is it’s not one isolated incident. it comes upon a long string of these over the years that get really tiring and discouraging.
the system is broken, my friends. it truly is. it’s so easy for people to think that we’ve come a long way but everyone needs to know how far we still have to go.
the insidious-ness of gender inequality is ugly. and deep. in the big scheme, it has nothing to do with baccalaureate speakers. it has everything to do with power & oppression & stripping women of their dignity & silencing voices that were created by God to speak, to create, to dream, to inspire, to partner, to nurture, to build, to love freely.
so, that’s why i’m a little sad this week. a little beat-up, a little burned out. a little sick to my stomach.
and very grateful that i never, ever feel this in my community or in my marriage or with those on the fringes. i am so thankful. they help me hold on to hope. men & women alongside each other as equals is a beautiful thing.
Read Morecross-gender friendships
if you’ve been reading here for a while you know i am extremely passionate about cross-gender friendships and men and women learning how to be with each other, side by side, as friends– leading, loving, learning, growing, giving, practicing, sharing, connecting as equals. we have terrible models for this, not only “in the church” but also in wider society. sexualization & fear & power issues have really kept men and women from loving each other as friends. we perpetuate the divide by keeping men in men’s groups and women in women’s groups, by assuming that if we’re married, we can never have a close and authentic relationship with a member of the opposite sex, and through buying into the false idea that “men and women just can’t be friends.”
Jesus’ call to love is a radical call. it’s not for the fainthearted. it’s not for those who want the easy road. it’s not for those who are satisfied with the status quo. love hurts. and love heals. we need to figure out ways to cross this great divide between men & women and learn to be true friends.
through these relationships, i believe so much can heal for both sexes. dignity can be restored, deep wounds can be healed, distorted images of God can be replaced with more balanced and whole ones. i truly believe we need mothers & fathers & sisters & brothers & daughters & sons and need to be those for other people as well.
my friend dan brennan has taken the topic of cross-gender friendship seriously. engaged in these relationships on a personal level, he also writes extensively about it in his book, sacred unions, sacred passions, and does whatever he can to advocate for people to consider exploring the idea and hopefully the practice of cross-gender friendships as part of a deepened spiritual journey. i am so thankful for his voice, his passion, his example. he has been a good & faithful friend to me from afar & helps remind me that some of what i long to see infiltrated into the kingdom of God can indeed happen.
if i could interview him at my kitchen table on video, i would, but because he’s in chicago and i’m in denver, this will have to do. enjoy!
- when and how did you first begin exploring the whole idea of cross-gender friendships?
In some sense, I’ve always had cross-gender friendships throughout my adult life. But they were characteristic of typical friendships that were limited to group or couples-only interaction. The ironic turn in my story is when I began to form friendships with women through an online theology discussion group back in 2002. They started out with me praying for them either on the phone or AOL IM chat (remember that?) over some issues they were struggling with. Originally they were prayer appointments, but over time they gradually began to evolve into deeper, mutual relationships. As they continued to deepen, I started to explore the subject with a growing resolve not to settle for simple cookie cutter answers.
- the whole topic of cross-gender friendships is very rarely talked about by many church systems. in fact, there is a great resistance to cross-gender mixing and much more emphasis placed on keeping the sexes segregated. where do you think this resistance comes from?
There is a great sexual fear between men and women. There are two stories about men and women in many church systems: 1) the sexual romantic story, and 2) the danger story for all those who don’t have romantic trajectory possibilities. There is a huge shame-based culture embedded in our sexuality where we segregate men and women into particular roles, relationships, and groups. When only these two stories are told, there is deep fear for men and women to be alone, unless they have a romantic path open. These stories profoundly shape the way communities view men and women. Even as communities recognize women as pastors/leaders, if these two stories are their most prominent communal narratives, men and women will not experience the fullness of what Jesus is calling us to.
I believe a much larger cultural issue shapes these two stories. I call it the romantic myth. This narrative soaked with on-the-street Freudianism weds romantic ideology with sexual compulsiveness. In popular versions of Freud amongst Christians, any desire to be close to someone of the opposite sex always has an unconscious undercurrent capable of springing up at any moment regardless of history. This obviously affects our views of men and women nurturing a growing friendship.
- what are some of the typical push-back you get when you start stirring up the importance of cross-gender friendships?
“There’s no way this can work.”
“There is too much sexual brokenness in the world.”
“Our culture is too sexualized in order for men and women to be friends or get close to each other.”
“Marriages already have too much stress in them.”
“Adultery is a huge problem in the church.”
These are a few of the most typical responses.
- what are you learning personally through the cross-gender friendships you are in?
Wow, much. Good, respectful, deep intimacy is possible with the opposite sex over a course of lengthy time even if one is married. It’s not only possible, it’s beautiful! We’ve nurtured a deep transparency between us. My closest cross-gender friendships have significant insight into my weaknesses, my vulnerabilities, my anxieties, my dreams, and my hopes. Knowing theirs transforms me, too. I’ve also learned the great beauty of resting in my wife’s love and support as well as my CGF’s love and support. They are not rivals but complimentary.
- what are you learning about God through cross-gender friendships?
I’m not in control. I used to have God in a box (I would have never thought that) and I’ve had to give up a lot of culturally shaped spirituality. In so many church systems, friendship is the last place to experience God—especially cross-gender friendship. You are taught to experience God in your isolated “quiet times”, in private, isolated prayer, or in word-centered preaching and teaching with your notebooks in hand.
In the community of friends, God loves me deeply, lavishly, abundantly, and freely. My friends have forgiven me, freely, on more than one occasion when I’ve blown it or said something I shouldn’t have said. As friends of course, especially in our culture of superficiality, they could have walked out on me. But in freedom they have chosen to forgive me when I have needed to ask forgiveness. They have extended it and generously love me. This is what God is like.
I am learning that God is a God of deep beauty. I don’t know how else to describe the ongoing sense of relaxation, shalom, trust, and life-giving in my marriage and my friendships with other women. In Christmas of 2005, my wife joyfully gave me a gift: 2 tickets to see U2 with my single friend, Jennifer. In Christmas of 2009, my adult son joyfully gave me a gift: 2 tickets to see U2 with Jennifer. There is a deep grace and beauty I continue to marvel at.
- what are the most common concerns that get expressed to you about the potential dangers of cross-gender friendships?
When you’re married, concerns are emotional adultery, physical adultery, triangles, and then broader gender themes of dysfunction. Singles have a different challenge of navigating the “sex part,” and saving themselves for their “soul mate”.
- how do you respond to these concerns?
These are all genuine and appropriate concerns. There are potential dangers in all kinds of male-female relationships. Many Christians still encourage marriage even though domestic abuse, incest, emotional abuse, and dysfunctionality continue to occur in marriages and families. The stories are there. But there are also stories of fruitful, flourishing, healthy, enduring marriages.
Jesus has called us to love one another as He has loved us…not just love our spouses and then segregate deep love into male groups and female groups. Jesus doesn’t love anyone with a detached, platonic, kind of niceness that keeps us at an arm’s length distance.
This may sound counterintuitive to some in our romanticized culture, but it seems to me that nurturing and cultivating friendship with one’s spouse creates a healthy home (metaphorically and literally) to welcome cross-gender friends in a flourishing community of respect, reverence, and love for each other and their respective vocations (i.e. marriage or singleness). Marital friendship is a special, unique friendship. A healthy friendship between spouses avoids clinging (possessiveness) and an unhealthy, romanticized absorption which undermines so many contemporary marriages. As long as churches only offer to men and women sex-segregated paths of intimacy apart from marriage, we will reinforce stereotypes and avoidant, unhealthy attachments.
- in your experience, what are the greatest fallacies about CGF’s that perpetuate the great divide between men and women?
First, deep reconciliation between sexes is not possible this side of heaven. Clearly, you cannot have reconciliation between sexes without cultivating and nurturing friendships between the sexes. You can’t have one without the other. As long as churches hold to this eschatological fallacy, churches will only go so far. Churches may embrace women leaders but they won’t allow them to nurture deep friendships with the opposite sex when they embrace that fallacy.
Second, that men and women don’t need each other in friendship for advancing equality, justice, and freedom for women. The radical feminist form of this is that women don’t need men and need to bond together in political friendship alliances. In the popular media, there is this same message out there. In churches of course, this fallacy is advanced where supposedly women only need friendships with women but not with men, and the whole sex-segregated message is perpetuated. But, justice, freedom, and equality will flourish when friendship-love replaces abstract political agendas (even good ones). I think this is at the heart of the message of Jesus for men and women who long for shalom in their communities, cities, and nation.
- what has surprised you the most about your cross-gender friendships?
They challenged me to change my views about women in ministry. This wasn’t a direct challenge from my friends. It came when I was learning to see them for who they are, their gifts, and possibilities for them. It challenged me to re-read Scripture and think more deeply about hermeneutics. I began these friendships as a complementarian and emerged into an egalitarian. Friendship summons us in marriage and community to an authentic process of a mutual give and take that recognizes the dignity, beauty, and freedom of one another.
Another huge surprise was that my cross-gender friendships made me a better husband—they helped deepen my love and friendship with Sheila. By learning to listen to my friends and seeing their unique beauty, I learned to listen to Sheila better and see her distinctive beauty. At the same time, my cross gender friends love me, my marriage, and Sheila. They’ve given me great support for my marriage.
- one of the things i’ve experienced is that many people have a deep longing for these kinds of friendships but because don’t have very good models for them and because we only hear about the dangers, we don’t even know where to start. where and how do you start?
In faith communities, perhaps start with some authentic group conversation about where men and women are in their views of sexuality, marriage, and friendship. If you are able to nurture the conversation rather than yield to the urge to fix it, this could open to some deep healing conversations of authenticity, fears, concerns, hopes, etc. Perhaps use my book as a starting point. I’ve heard from couples (unmarried and married) who have read my book together and it really opened up deep conversations. From there, men and women should explore more possibilities of social connecting with others who share the same likes, interests, etc. or possibly, yes, even pairs when there is freedom and understanding.
I think it’s important to keep aware of the pace at the start in paired relationships. There is no formula for friendship. Allow it to develop naturally. If the pacing develops rapidly, it is vulnerable to misunderstanding or a premature intensity that could destroy the relationship. That’s not to say healthy intensity can’t arise, it is just wise to be aware of the pace. Because of possible misunderstandings, it may be fruitful and wise to have a nonromantic “define the relationship” talk about the way the friendship is shaping and going and even step back if need be.
- you are involved in a new project called “the sacred friendship project” in 2011. what is this exactly and how can those who want to participate?
I am so excited about this! We’re taking a posture of listening and learning. Jim Henderson, John Armstrong, Elaine Jones Hansen, Jennifer Roach, Susan Matheson and I have come together to create what we are calling the “sacred friendship project.” We want to create a space for stories of friendship, especially deep friendships. We think many church systems have virtually ignored friendships in their vision of spirituality and community. The romantic myth discourages deep friendship unions between genders or same gender.
We are launching a sacred friendship project blog at the beginning of March. We would love to hear stories of friendships. We would like to hear about cross-gender friendships, same gender friendships, friendships in the gay community, friendships among Catholics, Orthodox, friendships among minority groups, etc. There is a sense in which the contemporary church has blown it when it comes to friendship-love and we want to say, “Yes, we have blown it, but we want to see friendships flourish in communities.” We want to begin developing a culture of friendship. Interested people can participate by sharing their own stories on the blog and participating. We hope the interest goes beyond the blog but it will start there.
- what’s your hope for “the church” as in the wider body of Christ when it comes to cross-gender friendships?
My hope is Jesus’ prayer for all men and women (not just those who are married to each other): “That they may be one”.
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thank you, dan, for your heart and time. we look forward to hearing more about the sacred friendship project as it unfolds & i hope some readers here will submit some of their stories. i am personally so grateful for all i continue to learn through my friendships with men. it has strengthened my faith, my sense-of-self, my marriage, and brought a healing and balance to my life that was long lacking and so desperately needed.
i do hope this discussion will linger. that those who are afraid will consider what a step toward this might look like. for those of you who want to talk more about it, you will gather a few people and take the time to listen to each other. for those of you who are learning a lot through your relationships with the opposite sex, that you’d share your stories out loud and remind others it’s possible. may God give us continued courage in this important aspect of life together.
i’d love to hear some of your thoughts…
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ps: a great organization dedicated to biblical equality worth checking out if you haven’t already is christians for biblical equality.
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these things shouldn’t be all that crazy…
sometimes i have fun conversations with other people who have crazy ideas about “church”, too. whenever i do, i always say “well, it’s great to know we’re not crazy. or maybe if we are, at least we’re not alone.”
when i said it this past week i added–it’s really crazy that these ideas are often seen as crazy! somehow the wild & wacky ways of Jesus in the gospels has gotten so decked-out-with-bells-and-whistles, sanitized, professionalized, leadership-ized and institutionalized that really actually doing what he challenged us to do is seen as somehow radical.
i don’t really think these ideas should be all that radical for Christ-followers, but they often are:
1. putting in-the-flesh relationships first. above programming, gatherings, websites, practicalities, budgets, strategies, and everything else for that matter. Jesus didn’t speak into any of the things we often spend so much energy on. instead, his focus was on people–unplugged, raw, in-the-trenches relationships where we can practice love, grace, kindness, compassion, forgiveness and experience healing and freedom together.
2. a culture of inclusivity & equality. all invited & welcome at the table. all voices heard. all voices matter. men, women, black, white, rich, poor, educated, uneducated, gay, straight, married, single, liberal, conservative, healthy, sick–seeking freedom & hope, together.
3. deferring toward the margins instead of toward resource. over and over Jesus warned us that we couldn’t serve both God & money, yet corporately & individually we constantly make decisions that defer toward resource & power to keep things predictable & comfortable. i do not think deferring toward the marginalized, the oppressed, the fringes, the ones without the resource & power should be a crazy thought for Christians!
4. shared leadership & diffused power over 1-person-at-the-top. it just feels odd to me that as supposed cultivators of the practice of authentic, loving community we’d continue to build structures that put all the power in 1 person.
5. the practice of love valued over knowledge or belief. throughout the gospels Jesus honors people’s active faith over doctrine or dogma. he doesn’t say “before you do this you have to believe x, y, and z or it doesn’t count.” he instead calls us to tangibly love, to sacrifice, to spend our energies on love & not laws.
i am sure there are many more. these are just the 5 that popped into my mind in the moment. what would you add?
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ps: i am also very excited about a new book project i’ve been working on called “down we go–living into the wild ways of Jesus” by civitas press, releasing june 1st. this opportunity dropped in my lap late last fall, and i decided to be brave & work at integrating some of what i’ve written here over the past few years into a more comprehensive & practical resource. i’ll keep you posted…meanwhile, thanks for reading & your encouragement & for reminding me i’m not crazy.
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