church stuff
becoming better human beings
in the first few years of the refuge there were days when i really just wanted to throw in the towel. i often wonder why in the $*!^$&!(!)# i care so much about all of this. really. in the big scheme of things we are a little blip in the universe, just a teeny weeny pocket of love that is trying to scrape by and do the best we can. in the life of church-planting cycles, we are survivors. we have survived what many communities haven’t been able to weather. we have grown up over the past 5 years, not in numbers but in depth & width & in all kinds of ways that aren’t really measurable without kingdom-kinds-of-eyes. but we’re still young in all kinds of ways because that’s how faith & life is. if there was one thing i have learned in the past few years when i stopped always coming-to-the-edge-of-just throwing-in-the-towel, it’s that this kind of living requires a long, long view. it means weathering deep bumpy, rocky valleys in the road and having to climb big mountains without the best gear. it means letting go of needing everyone to understand and living in the tension of great disapproval. it means trusting that God is at work even though we may never see it. it means learning how to become less codependent and more free. it means having to chant the serenity prayer every day over and over and over again. it means holding on and hanging in and doing whatever we can do to remember that Jesus told us that this kind of life would be hard. but despite its hazards, it is beautiful.
at the same time, it poses another honest question–why work this hard? seriously. i know i have many friends who look in at what we’re doing and think it’s all a little nutty, how much we pour into this wild little community when we could take such an easier path. why have we chosen a road that’s so freaking messy?
trust me, i ask that question all the time. i imagine a nice office, an administrative assistant, making above the minimum wage, and being able to leave my work there instead of drag it home. but i then i just laugh because that is so not me. it never has been and it never will be. and this is somehow the little blip i’m dedicated to. that’s it. it’s not for everyone, that is for sure. but i am learning here what i don’t think i could learn if it were easier. i am not learning how to be a better speaker, a more efficient leader, a more effective manager, or a stronger fundraiser. those things are not inherently bad, but they are much easier than learning how to be a healthier human being.
i feel like that’s what i’m learning through being part of this community. how to be a healthier human being.
able to love and be loved. able to withstand adversity and still cling to Hope. able to hold on to what needs to be held on to and let of what’s not mine. able to laugh and cry at the same time. able to be mad at myself and kind to myself in the same breath. able to feel & hurt and able to receive healing & help. able to realize God is God and i’m human. able to have limits and also possibilities. able to fall down and slowly get back up. able to survive conflict and not have it kill me. able to be a friend & have friends. able to rely on others & also rely on God. able to trust. able to recognize limitations & able to still dream. able to give & able to receive. able to be vulnerable & allow myself to hurt.
i don’t think many churches teach this stuff. and i know why. it doesn’t sell. it’s not too inviting or comfortable.
but i think that’s what “church” should be about, really.
helping people become better human beings.
people of love, mercy, justice, hope, and healing. people who are willing to learn and fail and try again. people who focus on our own logs instead of others specks. people who lay down stones. people who are brave and scared at the same time. people who don’t give up but rely on God to sustain them through the twists and turns. people who are humble and willing to do the hard stuff and celebrate the good stuff. people willing to learn.
there are lots of different ways to learn it, it just so happens this is the particular Jesus school i happen to be enrolled in.
so that’s where i am at today. grateful for my humanity and God’s divinity. grateful for long-haul community. grateful for the 12 steps. grateful for the beatitudes. grateful for my dear & faithful friends who are helping me become a better human being.
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rising up from below
* this post is part of the november synchroblog, different bloggers writing on the same subject. richard rohr says “the role of the prophets is to call us out of numbness.” right now there’s a strong sense of change brewing in the church, the world; people are rising up and calling individuals, communities, nations, and everything in between out of numbness and toward justice, mercy, equality, and love. bloggers this month are writing on where we are being stirred and challenged by prophetic voices. check out the links at the end of this post.
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“wake up, wake up, o zion!
clothe yourself with strength.
put on your beautiful clothes, o holy city of jerusalem..
rise from the dust…
sit in a place of honor.
remove the chains of slavery from your neck, o captive daughter of zion.”
isaiah 52:1-2
this scripture came to mind two weekends ago during our walking wounded gathering as i listened to two amazing women briefly sharing their painful church story of being silenced and unvalued in the church because they are female. honestly, in those moments, my heart physically hurts. i see their beauty, their power, their wisdom and wonder how in the $*!^$&^#%$ the church, the place that’s supposed to be Christ’s bride and a reflection of his image, could silence half its members so overtly (and somehow get away with it!).
the reality is that many other voices have been silenced by the church, far beyond only women. and because of this lack of voices, we have all suffered. we have missed the voices of the poor, the oppressed, the brown, the gay, the divorced, the orphaned, the young, the uneducated, the theologically incorrect, the tromped on, the forgotten. we have given our microphones and our pulpits and our programs over to the strong and the powerful and created a system where those on the margins are ignored and dismissed.
but something’s breaking out right now that can’t be squelched. we see it in the town squares that are filled with average people who are protesting wall street & starting to say “we’re tired of the powerful and greedy controlling our world, something’s got to change.” we see it in the mass exodus young people are making out of the church because it refuses to focus on issues they care about related to justice & mercy & equality. we see it in the long line of former-church-people who have deconstructed their faith & are finding something more real because they could no longer tolerate the deep inconsistencies between faith & practice. we see it in the groundswell of advocacy & support for equality and dignity for all regardless of sexual orientation.
in all kinds of places we are seeing it–a movement from below. a groundswell from the bottom. an uprising where little pockets of people are saying “we’re not going to do this anymore…..we’re tired of people’s dignity being stripped…it’s time for change.”
on the whole, the tops of systems aren’t changing. the hierarchy remains. the powerful and strong keep making rules & laws & policies & money. many are hunkering down, hoping they can weather this storm and eventually the unruly sheep will get back in line and start towing the line once again.
but it’s not going to happen. the sheep are getting tired of being jacked around by oppressive shepherds who don’t care about their well-being. who put their own self-interest above the common good. who allow others to be mistreated. who put chains around others necks instead of setting people free.
the sheep are rising up.
yeah, we’re rising up. not to rise up and away from problems and pain, but rather to have courage and strength to enter into it. all over the place, God is calling people to freedom, to living out the gospel instead of talking about it, to practice instead of theory. i call it a “holy stirring” and i think we will see it get stronger & wider & deeper over the upcoming years.
so many people i know are refusing to be part of oppressive systems anymore. they are finding their way outside of the traditional confines of religion & meeting God in unlikely places. they are renewing their passions and serving in all kinds of wild and beautiful ways that is viewed by the establishment as subversive even though it’s the closest thing to the gospel i’ve ever seen. artists are creating. silenced voices are speaking. young people are voting with their feet. chains are breaking. dignity is being slowly & painfully being restored in little pockets of love & freedom that are often unseen & unnoticed by the masses.
but it’s happening.
the prophets are emerging from below, from underneath, from unlikely places.
God is calling people out of numbness and complacency. and just like our hands feel when we warm them up after they freeze in the snow, it’s going to hurt. like really hurt. unfreezing our hearts, hands, feet, mouths, and brains is going to hurt as we thaw out and find our true identity created in the image of God. parts of us are going to come alive that were once left for dead. we’re going to have to use muscles that have atrophied. we’re going to feel things we haven’t felt before. we’re going to be more vulnerable and unprotected. we’re going to doubt our voices. we’re going to hear the critics tell us that we’re stupid & disgruntled & should quit complaining. we’re going to doubt ourselves and wonder if maybe “going back to egypt” will make it feel better.
some will go back to their “proper place” and feel safe again.
but far more others are going to keep waking up, rising up, and breaking free from the chains that once kept us captive. we are going to keep being set free and help others be set free, too. we are going to care about the things that Jesus cares about like justice & mercy & compassion & peace & hope & restoration. we are going to band together with others from below & form little armies of change that will shift laws & topple kingdoms & break down all kinds of walls that keep people stuck.
there’s a rising up from below, calling us out of numbness. calling us to freedom. calling us to justice. calling us to mercy. calling us to love.
God, keep thawing us out. we know it’s time.
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ps: i have a post up today at shelovesmagazine as part of a monthly column called sheloves God. this one is called leaving the ninety-nine for the one & is adapted from the chapter in down we go called extending love, mercy and compassion. sheloves is a prophetic voice calling us out of numbness in all kinds of ways.
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check out other bloggers writing about the prophets this month (i’ll add more links as they come in tonight):
- Joy Wilson at Solacetree- The Blessing of Losing Your Faith
- Jeremy Myers at Till He Comes – I Have a Dream
- Glenn Hager at Breathe – Uncomfortably Numb
- Linda at Kingdom Grace – On Earth as it is in Heaven
- Sally at Eternal Echoes – Where are the True Prophets?
- Tammy Carter at Blessing the Beloved – No Compromise
- Alan Knox at The Assembling of Church – My Word of Prophecy: Quit Listening to Prophetic Voices
- Liz at Gracerules – Listen
- Christine Sine at Godspace – Surrounded by Prophetic Voices: Clouds of Witnesses That Call Us Out of Numbness
- Amy Martin – The Window of Suffering, the Beginning of Hope
- Kathy Escobar at The Carnival in My Head- Rising Up From Below
- K.W. Leslie at More Christ – What is God Challenging You to Do?
- Katherine Gunn at A Voice in the Desert – Where is Your Heart?
- Steve Hayes at Khanya – Murder of the Cathedral
- Leah Chang at desertsspiritsfire – Wall Street, Our Street
- Bobby Aunder at Deconstructing Neverland – Shift
- Minnow at Minnowspeaks – Day of Dialogue
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never quite right
this weekend’s walking wounded: hope for those hurt by the church was a really sweet & beautiful time for me. it was hard, too, because the reality of so much pain & loss in what’s-supposed-to-be-the-safest-place-on-earth really gets under my skin. i will never be able to recreate what happened there but i will try over time to share some of what it stirred up for me. i’m so behind on this blog, with unfinished posts here & there so i’ve got a feeling they won’t come in order, but they will come!
there were many things that stuck out for me over our friday evening & all day saturday together. however, if i had to choose one overarching thing it would be the deep sadness of realizing how so many dear and dedicated people, with deep passion for Jesus & people & hope & change, could end up on the outs somehow. it just hurts.
and i think the thing that everyone has in common is that somehow they weren’t quite “right” for the systems we were part of.
they were too much or not enough. too messy. to passionate. too caring. too female. not male enough. too gay. not pretty enough. too strong. too weak. too mentally ill. too poor. too loud. too divorced. too single. too wild. too quiet. they asked too many questions or not the right ones. too creative. too boring. they said “no,” said “i can’t anymore,” said “something’s wrong here,” said “i’m not so sure anymore,” said “what about those people?” said “can i take a break?” and “can you please help me, i’m hurting?”
the church should be the safest place on earth. the one place where we are okay just as we are. in all our mess, in all our glory. in all our femaleness in all our maleness. in all our good and all our bad. in all our strengths and all our weaknesses. in all our love for God and in all our doubts & questions.
but the truth is that because of its emphasis on performance, growth, exclusion, and self-interest, the church has become a place that continues to make most people feel somehow never quite right about who we are.
i realized that has been my experience from the beginning, really. when i first became a christian i always felt stupid because i didn’t know important things i guess i was supposed to know magically about the Bible. i remember being chastised by my first real pastor when my oldest son was a baby for asking what-i-think-were-really-fair questions about predestination. he made me feel so dumb, so “not quite right.” i have countless stories of feeling shame in these kinds of church-y moments. then, as i learned more and started to grow up, i ended up feeling completely inadequate as a christian; i wasn’t a good enough christian wife or mom or friend or disciple and somehow needed to pray more, work more, learn more, do more, try more. when i started to break free from that and gain a little more security & healing, i found myself in a system that in subtle & direct ways kept saying to me “um, can you quit talking about deeper relationship? we just want to study our Bibles and go to church and be happy. stop it!” that is on top of being a strong, passionate woman who isn’t interested in either children’s ministry, worship, or only women’s ministry. yeah, until now, i was never quite right. i have always been too much or not enough for the church.
i know so many of you in the same boat.
you’ve just never been “quite right” for the churches you’ve been part of.
i’m so sorry. it’s not the way it should be. i don’t think it was ever the idea.
the church, the wild & beautiful body of Christ, people of all shapes & sizes coming together in some shape or form to learn how to love God, ourselves & others should be the one place where we’re okay. just as we are. today. not tomorrow. not once we do this or do that. not once we know this or know that. not once we heal this or heal that. now. today.
so that’s my prayer for those of you who are on the outs and are hurting. who were never quite right for the places you tried to be. i am so sorry for your pain. but you are not alone. oh, you are so not alone.
my hope is that we can gain the courage & healing to redeem what was lost. i have a feeling it will look totally different than anything we’ve ever seen or experienced before. for me, it looks like the refuge, but for you it might just look like a few close friends dedicated to hanging out with each other just because. it might look like being part of a ministry or organization or group that you’re really passionate about. it might look like planting a new safe community. it might look like finding one that is safe enough for the real you. it might look like going to therapy or spiritual direction to rebuild strength that was stripped or gain it for the first time.
it looks so different for each of us. but i can strongly say that i think we all need to try to find some little pocket of love & little pocket of freedom where we (and the people who are part) can feel welcomed, valued, loved, honored, restored, and okay-just-how-we-are.
that’s not too much to ask.
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little pockets of freedom.
we’ve been talking a lot about wounds from the church at the refuge in preparation for our walking wounded gathering, which is this upcoming weekend in denver. i am really looking forward to it & oh do we have some fun stuff planned! we still have a little bit of room if you want to come & haven’t registered yet, do it today.
as we’ve been preparing for it, it is has been interesting how much has been stirred up for me about church.
as you all know, i love the church. it would have been so easy for me to throw in the towel a long time ago if i had only based things on my experience with “the system.” but the truth is that God’s people–together in some way, shape or form, living out the ways of Jesus in real & tangible ways–is sewn into my skin in ways that i don’t think i will ever be able to shake.
at the same time, as much as i love the church, i also hate what it has done–and continues to do–to so many people. i can’t stand the way it limits people. i can’t stand the way it serves itself. i can’t stand the way it excludes. i can’t stand the way it reflects the powers of the world instead of the beatitudes-infused-kingdom-of-God. i can’t stand the way it puts programs over people.
my dear friend barb murphy is the founder and director of cans for hope, a grassroots ministry dedicated to raising money to help women heal from sexual abuse & sex trafficking. i heard her speak this past weekend at a ministry event & she shared something very powerful. she said “the things we can’t stand, we are called to fix.”
the things we can’t stand, we are called to fix.
out of almost everything related to “church” the one thing i can’t stand the most is how it limits freedom. i always say that the church of Jesus Christ should be the free-est, least oppressed, most inclusive, most grace-filled place on earth. yet, as we all know, it has the reputation for being the opposite. instead of being a pocket of freedom, many churches are pockets of oppression. limiting half of the population from leading freely. keeping God safely tucked into a man-shaped box. keeping gifts squelched and in the hands of the clergy. spending resources on perpetuating a system that has nothing to do with community & changed lives & healing & transformation and everything to do with mortgages & strategic growth. constantly giving into the gravitational pull toward comfort and making sure the powerful-people-who-give stay happy. assuming people only love God “their” way instead of lots of other wild & beautiful & untraditional ways.
this past saturday evening we talked about gender inequality and the church, and i left so sad (not because of the conversation, my daughter being on the panel sharing freely about this issue will inspire me for a long time!). my sadness came when i intersected yet again with the reality that on the whole “the church” is a terrible reflection of freedom when it comes to this huge issue of gender injustice. the world, with all of its cultural bias against the dignity of women, is actually much further along when it comes to embracing and valuing women than the followers of Jesus Christ are.
in the same way i think churches should just be little pockets of love, i think that pockets of love aren’t really possible without first being a pocket of freedom.
where all people have dignity & incredible value.
where no one is oppressed or silenced or considered less-than because of their gender or race or economic status or educational status or theology or any other things that usually keep people over or under another.
where questions are valued & doubt is honored because we trust in a God who can handle it.
where God is not contained by the limits of man’s teaching.
where each person’s gifts, no matter how big or small, have a chance to be expressed.
where men & women are seen as equals and sit next to each other as brothers & sisters & friends.
so that’s why i’m still in “church.” because the thing i can’t stand, i’m called to fix.
i can’t fix the whole big system. i know i can’t.
but i can refuse to participate in systems that knowingly perpetuate oppression. that’s a small & important place to start. it’s lonely at first, when we make a stand toward freedom, but it’s so worth it later.
and most importantly i can play my small part in fixing the little systems i am part of.
i can help create little pockets of freedom. for me, these are my family, the refuge & the different groups i am part of & the relationships that i am in. none of these are perfect; they are each made up of imperfect human beings, young & old ones, and i know everyone in them doesn’t feel fully free or fully loved all of the time. i don’t, either. we live this side of heaven so i don’t expect that. but regardless of our shortcomings, it’s still possible to play our small part in participating in creating the kingdom of God now by making spaces for freedom. real Jesus-infused freedom.
Jesus “sets the oppressed free” (luke 4:18) & i’m pretty sure this isn’t what he had in mind:
i’m also reminded again of what toni morrison says: “the function of our freedom is to free someone else.”
i hope that we can all bravely step into our freedom & quit letting man-made systems limit us. then, i hope we can use this God-given freedom to free someone else.
and someone else. and someone else.
yeah, a lot of little pockets of freedom, over time, can actually create big ones.
God help us play our small part in creating little pockets of freedom, a reflection of your kingdom in the here & now.
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a few other things:
- thanks david hayward at nakedpastor.com for the awesome cartoon.
- i think this is an awesome addition to the list of questions from the downward mobility synchroblog post last week. thanks jeff! // read it here: being loved or being used.
- i’m doing a down we go workshop this afternoon at soularize. if you’re there, come say hi!
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there’s a difference between believing & “right belief”
one of the things i love the most about our little wild & crazy refuge community is we can hold the space for a lot of divergent views about the Bible & life & faith. it’s not an easy task, i must say, and sometimes i get asked “so, just what does the refuge believe about _______.” (it’s usually not issues that are on this list, though, they are usually questions far, far more specific.)
this is a typical question of most every church. and usually churches can answer it because there are a lot of clear-cut statements of faith or a creed or something floating around that somehow helps people “know” more clearly where everyone who identify themselves as part of it stands on particular beliefs.
i respect that these kinds of statements can be helpful to people. oh, they do make things easier! but i have trouble with them, too. people in our community have the freedom to believe lots of different things about God/Jesus/faith, and so i often respond “well, i am glad to tell you what i believe but i can’t speak for everyone else.”
you might be cringing when you hear that. what kind of leader are you, some might say? and i’d say “i’m a leader who’s trying to trust God with the technicalities & do my best to lead people to consider & wrestle with & tangibly live out what i believe are the fundamentals.”
Jesus didn’t seem too concerned with these kinds of “here’s exactly what you need to believe to follow me.” rather, he was calling people into a way of participating in the kingdom of God in the here and now, challenging us to embrace humility & spiritual poverty in a world bent on knowledge & pride, encouraging us to follow his way of sacrifice and lay down our lives for others, feed the hungry, visit the sick, love the unlovely, and take the much harder path of practicing love instead of theologizing about love. he also said this kind of faith was going to be much more difficult than knowledge.
we can passionately be believers, without getting caught up in the human-made trap of “right belief”. they are different things.
i believe wholeheartedly in the power & beauty & wisdom of the Bible and that there are many different interpretations of it that matter deeply.
one thing that has helped me immensely on my faith journey over the past chunk of years is discovering how many incredible, diverse, smart, and amazing people see the Bible very differently from each other but somehow are heading toward the same God. it’s been a mind & heart bender for sure, especially when i came from a pretty conservative faith persuasion for many years that seemed to throw “this is what the Bible for sure says” around a lot.
at this stage of my faith journey, i might not agree with some people’s interpretations of the Bible, but i deeply respect why and how they might see it a certain way. i also remain deeply committed to not trying to convince someone to believe “my way” and like to hold the tension of disagreement on the technicalities.
the need to convince each other to see it the way we see it is what divides and separates us, splits churches, and creates all sorts of pain & hurt in the world. as far as i can tell, Jesus never called us to do that. believing in him must look like something else. maybe it looks like trusting the first & greatest commandment and keeping it in our hearts and bringing it everywhere we go–to love God & others.
one of the things we are trying to hold on to in the refuge community is that we can disagree on Bible verses but that we must, at all costs, respect our differences and treat each other with love and kindness. to me, it’s a willingness to lay down “our way” and trust God to be God since we’re not. it’s a gorgeous but challenging thing to witness because somehow it forces us all to look beyond our interpretation of particular passages and center in on the most important thing–love. i can love my sisters and brothers who see the Bible differently, and i am so grateful that they love me even when they disagree with me, too.
i think that’s the task at hand for a more inclusive, diverse, and Jesus-centered church.
i don’t think people are supposed to water down their beliefs to adjust to others in either direction. the tricky part is learning to hold a space for all of us, in all our differences.
there’s no question, it takes a lot of grace, courage, steadfastness & finesse to truly put relationship above doctrine and respect the difference between believing & “right belief.”
and honestly, i think that’s what Jesus embodied.
it’s also a brutally difficult task in a world that clamors for uniformity & clarity on who’s in, who’s out, who believes this and who believes that, who thinks this is wrong and who thinks this is right. often, both the left and the right are just as passionate about these dividing lines.
i’ve been thinking about this a lot lately & it reminds me of how much easier it is to build a church than cultivate community. yeah, it’s easier to divide and separate based on Bible beliefs instead of learning to live together in the tension of seeing it differently but remaining united in love.
God, show us how to live in the beautiful, trusting tension of disagreeing on all kinds of things but agreeing on love & respect not just in theory or from afar, but up-close- and-personal in real community together.
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ps: i had already written this post when i saw this recycle your faith video this morning–it’s called the final apologetic. i don’t agree with every point in it but i think it fleshes some of this same thought out, too.
ppss: here’s a post i wrote this week for the refuge blog about walking wounded: hope for those hurt by church, a gathering we’re hosting october 21st & 22nd in denver–it’s called stopping for the wounded.
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a prayer for practice.
“practicing what we preach” is a lot easier said than done! like most everyone, i’d rather preach it than practice it. it’s fun to talk about community, to dream about community, to advocate for community. and to actually live it is a whole different story. i am very grateful to live in a community that challenges me in a place where everything i believe-in-the-depths-of-my-heart-when-it-comes-to-what-Jesus-meant-about-love-and-life-together intersects with my real life. i am always faced with a choice–will i see it through or run from it? trust me, “run, as fast you can!” often rattles through my head and i start fantasizing about ways to escape the messiness of it all. but then i feel this quiet, deep, and powerful pull to stay. to fight. to try. to practice. to show up. to love. to learn. listen. to humble myself. to be willing to let God work in the deeper thing that has nothing to do with what’s going on above the surface.
so that’s where i’m at this friday. thankful for the journey. tired that it is sometimes so hard. challenged to keep growing and learning and play my little part in the bigger story. hopeful that God never leaves me, never leaves us, and is always restoring and redeeming what is broken and showing us a better way.
this past wednesday at our house of refuge we wrapped up our summer journey through down we go: living into the wild ways of Jesus. the last chapter is called “born again and again and again” and it was what i needed to be reminded of this week. i want to be a person who is always being born again. and again. and again. this is the prayer that i read at the end of our group and sits at the end of the book, too. i cried when i read it because i needed the reminder of what i so deeply believe and why this downward journey is really worth it.
i thought i’d share it here, too, especially for any of you who might need a little extra reminder of why you may have chosen this path. have a good weekend!
God, may we continually humble ourselves and acknowledge our weakness, insufficiencies, and spiritual poverty. May our hearts be soft, open, willing to be changed even at great cost to our security and pride.
God, may we radically include the forgotten, the rejected, the marginalized, and the oppressed as a reflection of your love. May our tables be open and welcoming, with Christ’s spirit binding us all together, despite our differences. May men and women, black and white, rich and poor, gay and straight, educated and uneducated, single and married, and everything in between, live side-by-side and be equally loved, respected and included.
God, may we cultivate compassion in our hearts and our actions so that the hurting will feel your healing touch. May we never be too busy to love. May we be the people who stop, who care when no one else does, who listen, bandage wounds, carry folks to the hospital, and ooze mercy.
God, may we boldly enter into deep and challenging incarnational relationship with each other to keep practicing your ways of love. May we get tangled up with other people, sharing the good, bad and ugly. May we be dedicated to people who get on our nerves and drive us crazy. May we share resources, carry each other’s burdens, and pray intensely for each other, remembering that how we love each other is how we love the world.
God, keep showing us the way, guiding us as we stumble, practice and try.
Give us courage to keep following you down.
Amen.
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