this past week i saw a flurry of facebook posts about john piper’s latest words about  masculine christianity.  i am pretty out of the blog-reading circuit because there are only so many hours in the day and mine are jam packed with people & kids & more kids & more people.  at the same time, i love that challenging conversations are happening and social media is a powerful tool to raise awareness.

i did not listen to john piper’s presentation or link to the blog post.   i don’t have the stomach or time for it, but i got the cliff notes version from rachel’s blog.  i like her idea of helping people consider other views of God that aren’t specifically masculine.  i have no trouble with God being masculine.  the trouble i have is assuming God is primarily masculine because Jesus was a guy and chose 12 male disciples and then building entire systems upon that thought, utterly dismissing a whole other half of God’s image and essence.  along with that half, i am certain we’re missing a whole lot of other things about God that we have been afraid to explore because the systems & churches we have been part of have kept God so contained.

john piper makes caricatured roles for men and women, over-simplifying the image of God placed in each of us.  this denies not only women of their fullness, but men as well.

whether we want to admit it or not, piper’s theology is deeply embedded into most of standard evangelical christianity.  it just is. men do certain things and women do other certain things.  if each sex would just step into “God’s intention for them” (“appropriate” social roles), everything will work just fine and everyone will be “free.”

when God created humans, God made us in in the fullness of God’s image.  not half, not part.  yes, we are unique and different, and that’s why we need each other to more accurately reflect the fullness of God’s image.  the body of Christ is a reflection of God. if that’s the case, then why is half missing, devalued, and thought of as less somehow?

change in “the church” is coming.  a holy stirring is happening and many people are starting to call it for what it is–oppression, sexism, and a fear-based theology that perpetuates injustice.   however, it has become so innate that merely trying to shake it out of our system isn’t going to cut it.  we’re not a few awesome blog posts away from changing these deeply grooved systems of injustice.

when we start thinking about change, there are two natural reactions to it that we think of first:

1.  prune off what’s not working.  if we can prune some of these injustices out of “the church”, we’ll be okay.  this is the idea of changing systems by making some adjustments here and there that will shift things.  raise awareness, start to think differently about it, help leaders become more sensitive to issues of equality, influence change from within.

2. raze the ground completely.  knock it all down.  it’s flawed, it doesn’t work, it harms people.  the whole thing is so jacked up that we just need to walk away from it entirely.

i feel strongly that alone, #1  just won’t work. i’m not saying that some systems can’t be changed from within but i think it’s a pretty brutal road and will require leaders who are willing to shrink their churches & ministries, pay some serious emotional, spiritual, and financial costs, and lose all kinds of things they are used to gaining.  honestly, that’s just not super likely on a wide scale.  human nature & self protection will strongly work against such courage.  pruning also dismisses the magnitude of the problem.  we’re talking about deeply grooved systems of injustice that go back to the beginning.  the root system is strong;  a little tweaking isn’t going to bring full equality for anyone. 

i also believe that blowing the whole thing up isn’t really an option.  it works for some people.  they believe in certain scriptural interpretations & hold dearly to their tenents. i may disagree, but i don’t think that means there aren’t valuable things that happen for people through their churches and so scrapping the whole thing isn’t really fair or respectful.

i think there’s a much better option:

plant new trees. 

trees that have the roots of equality from the very beginning.

trees that gain nourishment from a free-er gospel and soil that is enriched with freedom and hope instead of fear and absolute certainty.

trees that have men and women and rich and poor and educated and undeducated and black and white and gay and straight all tangled up together from the beginning.

trees that are tended to gently and naturally instead of pumped with unnatural growth agents & pesticides that try to advance the progression of development to “catch up faster” to other churches that will always have the advantage of time and power on their side.

trees that get their strength from the beatitudes not their latest and greatest how-to-grow books and conferences.

trees that are well-watered by people who are tired of talk and are ready for action.

trees that over time will flourish and bring shade and fruit and all kinds of other goodness for generations to come in the communities & cultures where they are planted.

a diverse ecosystem of trees that more accurately reflect the fullness of God’s image. 

these trees can be all kinds of shapes and sizes–individual relationships, groups, churches, ministries, organizations–little pockets of love & freedom cropping up all over that influence people and model a better way, a free-er way, an equal way, a more “oh, that’s what Jesus looks like” way.

yeah, pruning won’t cut it.  razing isn’t an option.  let’s get planting. i have a feeling some of you are really good gardeners.

* * * * *

here are a few other links i wanted to highlight:

many of you have probably read it, but if you haven’t check out rachel held evans’ post this week: they were right (and wrong) about the slippery slope.  i slipped off the slope a long time ago and sometimes tell those that wonder, “yeah, i completely slipped off the slope and somehow found the most solid ground i’ve ever stood on.” 

our walking wounded online class starts monday february 6th.  registrations are possible until then, so if you or someone you know want to be part,  you can sign up at that link.  it’s going to be good! i also am not sure when we’re planning on running it again so now’s the right time if you’re on the fence.

i wrote a little post for provoketive magazine last month that i forgot to share called stories that matter.

lastly, i posted this on facebook & it made some pretty good rounds, but if you missed it, here’s the trailer from my awesome friend pam hogeweide’s new book, just released at the end of january–unladylike: resisting the injustice of inequality in the church:

however, the kingdom isn’t going to just drop out of the sky.  we are going to have to be active participants in creating it.  it is hard.  it is uphill.  it is against the grain. but it’s possible.  and what Jesus challenges us to as his followers.

so here you go, some of my own little church-faith-life dreams, capital letters and all, from pages 85-87:

Making What Could Be, Be.

As a dreamer, I like to imagine what could be. 

Despite some of my cynicism about church systems, I am still an idealist. Change is possible; otherwise I would have given up a long time ago. I am still foolish enough to think that our wild “God dreams” are possible. I think when Jesus said “Your Kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven” (Matthew 6:10), he meant that the Kingdom was possible now.  I also know it’s possible because I see it every day in small and beautiful ways.  I see the marginalized, forgotten, neglected and abused finding love and hope through healing community.

For a lot of us, it’s hard to dream.  Almost every time I challenge people to dream it stirs up fear and trouble.  We’ve hoped before and had many of our dreams dashed, mocked and called unrealistic or impractical. Many have tried to make their dreams a reality in systems that rejected them, and they’ve lost a lot of hope. The thought of opening hearts back up again is too scary. Others are in the midst of living out dreams and are finding how hard they can sometimes be.  Often we can think of all the reasons our dreams won’t work, so why even try? 

But here’s why I think we should try.  These Kingdom ways aren’t supposed to be a pipe dream, or an elusive, unrealistic and unobtainable idea that we know will never happen.  Jesus’ ways of upside down living require imagination and hope. They require crazy people willing to live out what’s embedded deep inside their hearts, regardless of the cost.  They require courageous women and men who risk their money, time and pride to go against the flow of the powerful status quo and create little pockets of love that reflect Jesus, rather than the world.  They require humble disciples, followers of Christ, who try as best they can to heal the sick, feed the hungry, care for the poor, love the unlovely, and pass on hope in places where there is none.  Most of all, these Kingdom ways require people with eyes to see more beauty and hope in the often ugly, messy, downward journey than on the predictable, comfortable upwardly mobile path. 

The other night I was with some Refuge friends at our house talking about dreaming.  Even though I want people to dream big, I also want people to dream small.  To value simple ways we can move toward more of Christ’s love, life and hope in this world.  I shared with my friends how many years ago I dreamed of the kind of community I am now part of—one that was inclusive, authentic and healing, and valued generosity, equality and the practice of love, above all.  In my dreams, it looked completely different.  Trust me, it was a lot prettier, easier, bigger and brighter.  Yet, even though my original picture was different, the flesh and bones of what I had hoped for has come true.  I’m experiencing it in real life.  I am grateful but also not afraid to keep dreaming for more.  I want others to have a chance to taste and see, too. 

So I keep dreaming, trying to play my small part in the bigger story.

When I stop and allow myself to really imagine, I dream that we’d be people who took Jesus’ words seriously.  We can’t just talk about it, but we actually have to be forgiving, loving, sacrificing and humble. I hope we are people willing to give away our stuff, care for the widows and orphans, die to ourselves, hug lepers, love our neighbors, lay down power and make peace with our enemies.

I dream that all people would feel valued, regardless of our differences.  I hope we become people who refuse to let color, socioeconomics, gender, theologies, shapes, sizes, or social abilities get in the way of seeing the image of God and respecting each other’s worth, value and contribution to this world. I hope we will continue to find ways for women, men, white, brown, poor and rich to work equally and fully alongside one other as brothers, sisters, leaders and friends.

I dream that the divide between “us and them” will continue to crumble.

I dream that Christ-followers will form into an underground army of advocates, that we will stand with the marginalized, oppressed, poor and unlovely, and will risk our pride, position and power so that someone with none could get a little.

I dream that damage from the past and present will not paralyze us from living out who God made us to be; instead, we’d use our story to help another person.

I dream a whole bunch of us will find ways to create little pockets of love in places that desperately need them so that we will be known by the world as “those crazy people who never give up on the hurting, the lost, the oppressed and the outcasts.”

Never be afraid to dream.

these are some of mine.  what are some of your dreams, no matter how big or small?

]]> http://kathyescobar.com/2012/01/16/dreaming-making-what-could-be-be/feed/ 11 http://kathyescobar.com/2012/01/13/its-a-helluva-lot-of-people-being-influenced/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=its-a-helluva-lot-of-people-being-influenced http://kathyescobar.com/2012/01/13/its-a-helluva-lot-of-people-being-influenced/#comments Fri, 13 Jan 2012 22:22:56 +0000 kathyescobar http://kathyescobar.com/?p=5403 when it comes to church, i firmly believe that the “best criticism of the bad is the practice of the better.”  at the same time, i think it’s sometimes worth calling out its inconsistencies when it comes to the so-contrary-to-the-non-oppressive-ways-of-Jesus as a reminder and to gain resolve & clarity on why we feel so passionate about change.

yes, i recognize “the church” is a flawed system made up of imperfect human beings.

it also has an incredible ability to influence people.  it possesses a wild amount of power to sway us certain directions.  many often believe lock, stock & barrel what leaders say from the pulpit, TV screens, books, and most any other medium where someone is “teaching”.  we assume the ones talking must know what they are talking about and just go with it.

their charisma is intoxicating.  their clarity and certainty is comforting.

when it comes to issues of equality and inequality, this means a helluva lot of people are being influenced to believe in complementarian theology and practice.  so many sit in the pews and nod their head when they hear about biblical manhood & womanhood and how men just need to step up and be the head of their households and women just need to support them properly. book after book gets written about this topic; the truth is that on the whole–the ones that sell like hotcakes–are those that adapt this hierarchical theology to contemporary culture in a slick, inviting way.  don’t even get me started on mark driscoll’s new book & ed young’s new gimmick (i couldn’t bring myself to include the links).

but like it or not, people are listening. these guys are strong, clear, certain, charismatic communicators.  and thousands and thousands and thousands of men & women are following them.

they are influencing a helluva lot of people.

when i was on a megachurch staff years ago we pulled together a really challenging premarital workshop that was egalitarian & honest & real.  we tried not just to talk about budgets and the number of kids each person wanted.  we shared from ephesians 5:21 (submit to one another out of reverence for Christ), the part of the passage no one ever starts with. i remember all those sweet young couples in there going “huh, i’ve never heard this before.” there were a lot of other things we explored together, but the point is this–the message was new and liberating.  i am still proud that even for a short season we offered another angle.

a chunk of months after i left the staff i saw the premarital workshop being advertised again for the next round of soon-to-be-marrieds.  the wording, the content, and the leadership had completely changed and the new focus was on exploring “biblical manhood & womanhood” and “God’s given roles for marriage.”

we all know what that means.  yeah, it doesn’t go down too good for the women. or the men either, actually.

it broke my heart, but i wasn’t surprised. now, many years later, i feel sad when i think of the thousands of people being influenced by this usually subtle & sometimes direct teaching.  not only in premarital workshops but in the daily grind of church culture where men are in charge, women are serving their butts off, and the power differentials Jesus tried to knock down continue to get perpetuated.   mega-churches influence thousands of people.  add the smaller churches who espouse the same theology and all of the books & seminars & bible studies being written and sold by people with power, and it multiplies exponentially.

it’s a helluva lot of people being influenced.

i’m sad for all the awesome women who are sincere and want to do the right thing before God and will read all kinds of books & go to all kinds of groups to learn to be a good christian women and always come up short.  i know the feeling.

i’m also sad for all those men who will never be able to lead strong enough to be valid christian men and for all the ways they lose out on a strong and equal teammate.

mostly i’m just sad that many people don’t know that there are other options and ways to view the scriptures.  i do not know one mega-church that actually teaches egalitarian marriage. i am sure they exist, but i believe they are very rare.  many will say “we value women” and “we believe in equality.”  but the truth is that deeply embedded in the cultural norms, teaching, and ethos of their bodies is a particular way of interpreting biblical roles for men and women that continually keeps women underneath men instead of in equal, free relationship with each other.

our best hope is to continue to be the change we want to see.

we can create smaller missional communities that teach a better way.  we can play our part in restoring sexual brokenness and being people of change and hope.  we can encourage women to lead more freely. we can model the beauty of equal marriage.  we can blog our hearts out about equality and justice.  we can learn how to bravely practice cross-gender friendships and write challenging pot-stirring books.  all of these things are helping turn the tide, and that is beautiful.  i may be a bit more skeptical than some, but i do believe major shifts are happening, and that’s always how we get to a new place. i think it can happen faster if more brave leaders use their power, influence, and charisma to directly influence change.

there will always be those who hold deeply to their interpretation of the scriptures that support male headship.  i respect that.  but there is a far wider population who only believe it because that is what their pastors, leaders, books, radio & TV shows, and podcasts tell them to believe.  so many have never looked at it from another angle because no one in power has showed them another angle.

God, whether we influence a small amount of people or a lot of people, help us be brave and use our power & voices & lives to show another angle from which we can serve you and others better and actively participate in turning the tide.   

• one word – i decided to participate in this for 2012.  in the past i’ve had five and end up never remembering any of them!  here’s a post i wrote for the refuge blog that has some ideas if you haven’t already thought of one yet.  my 2012 word is:  focus.  oh yeah, that’s the right word.

• honoring doubt – my monthly contribution to sheloves magazine is on one of my favorite topics from down we go: honoring doubt. i hope we can keep creating safe spaces to honor doubt.

• when Jesus met mary: a sacred friendship gathering – i am very excited to be part of this gathering–when Jesus met mary: a conference exploring friendship between men & women–in april in chicago centered on sacred cross-gender friendships hosted by my friend dan brennan. all of the details are on the website.  let me know if you can come be part of this brave & much-needed conversation.

• unladylike – my friend pam hogeweide’s book unladylike: resisting the injustice of inequality in the church is being released at the end of the is month by civitas press.  you can preorder a copy now if you want.  it rocks!

• and the resignation of eve – my other northwest friend jim henderson is always stirring up some great stuff for us to consider.  his new book the resignation of eve: what if adam’s rib is no longer willing to be the church’s backbone is coming out soon, too. i’m very glad this critical topic is getting some traction.

• convergence – i couldn’t go last year because of a family trip but am planning on being there this year, march 2-4 in portland. this year’s theme is:  staying power–presence & possibility as leaders.  if you haven’t been before, it’s a really wonderful gathering of strong & passionate women.

• synchroblog – we are starting off 2012 with a new teammate  & a survey to help gather ideas for the upcoming year.  if you are a blogger and want to be challenged to write on a variety of topics at the same time as other bloggers, all are welcome.

• with communities - my awesome friend john martinez created a log-in-so-there’s-greater-safety-and-connection site for incarnational community cultivators who could use some support, input, encouragement, and connection with other people who believe that prepositions matter and are trying crazy stuff, too. check it out here.

• walking wounded: hope for those hurt by the church – my friend phyllis mathis & i are hosting a 4 week online group for those of you out there who are painfully disillusioned by a faith or church experience.  our october 2011 gathering in denver was great for those who could pull it off, but this is a chance for others to participate, too.  because of some schedule conflicts, the date got moved to february 6th 2012.  go to live it to the full to register & for all the details.  if you or someone you know could use some healing, hope, laughter, and intention on getting unstuck, we’d love to have you join us.  this little video is sort of serious (i promise we’ll laugh and have fun, too) but gives an idea of what we are doing.  thanks for passing it on to friends who want to save some money on therapy and get some traction on healing in this new year.
  

i hope your year is getting off to a good start. i am looking forward to what’s ahead! peace, kathy

* * * * *

I had an amazing conversation last week with a non-Christian counseling grad student who had a project in this class to “move toward something in their culture they were uncomfortable with.”  He chose Christianity.  His experience with it wasn’t a positive one so he was trying to bravely explore it.  We had a delightful conversation because he asked the best questions, the kind where trite Christian answers won’t quite do.  He wasn’t talking about atonement theories or biblical interpretation of certain passages (for the most part, I think only Christian insiders give a rip about that kind of stuff).

He asked–Why do Christians never seem to feel very good about themselves?

I laughed that he had hit the nail on the head.  The basic premise of Christianity is that there is nothing good in us.  That original sin has ruined us and we are miserable sinners, unworthy of anything good without the blood of Jesus.   That depravity is our essence.

With that as our starting place, my experience has been that despite all of the “God loves me” messages that get tossed around in church services and Bible studies, nothing completely fills in the cracks of that deep chasm.  That somehow, no matter what, we just aren’t good.  We aren’t worthy.  We aren’t secure.   We aren’t loveable.  We are fatally flawed as human beings.

I know this well in my own life. I come from a liberal, non-churchy family that believed in the basic goodness of people (we were those people who evangelical Christians worried about!).  When I opened my heart to following Christ, I needed a real, tangible God and was strangely and beautifully drawn to Jesus. I always say that if I had just stuck with that and never became involved in the kinds of churches I ended up attending, I would have been better off in the security-as-a-person department.  But alas, that is not my story, and the rigidity and rules sucked me in, and I learned about what a miserable person I was without the cross of Christ.   I ended up feeling worse about myself than when I started, and I brought a lot of shame and guilt to the table from the beginning!  Christianity seemed to cement in me my badness.  It reminded me constantly how much I fell short and how unworthy I was without God in my life.

About 17 years ago a wise and beautiful friend rocked my world with an important theological twist that some of you might say “duh!” at, but it was never taught to me in my hyper-conservative-evangelical circles.  We were made in the image of God.  That goodness is in us from the beginning.  Sure, sin and brokenness has infiltrated this Genesis 3 world, but we must remember it all started with Genesis 1.  Man and woman, created in the original image of God.   That is our essence even though brokenness buries it.

I think that the spiritual journey is to uncover God’s image that was originally placed there.  

I know from experience in my own life and journeying alongside many others that this is no easy task.  It makes it far worse when the starting place is “I am really a miserable wretch.”

The Apostle Paul in Romans 7 talks about the struggle of our humanity to lean into sin.  This passage is used all the time to hold up basic depravity, but we forget the twist that is there–”It’s not me, but the sin that lives in me” (vs. 7:12).

As a mother of five, the last thing in the world I want my kids to think is that they basically suck and are unworthy, unlovable.  I want them to know they are beautiful, created in the original image of God with his imprint built into every fiber of their being.  I want them to know they are worthy, secure, free.  With a great human capacity to sin, fall, fail and really mess things up, sure.  But I do not want a faith that forces me to build in them a basic insecurity from the start.  That feels cruel.  And completely counter to what I know about being a loving parent, and I’m only a human one.

My experience in working with people in pain in the church is that there’s an awful lot of insecurity going around in a system that is supposed to be built upon freedom, healing, and wholeness.  Far too much fear, depression, inadequacy, unworthiness exists in countless Christ-followers when they have a chance to be really honest. Something is gravely wrong with this!

But the systems we’ve created and the theologies we’ve clung to perpetuate it.

Ultimately it not only damages us personally and relationally, but keeps the real power of the church paralyzed and stuck.

And really insecure.

in this upcoming year i am hoping to experiment with a few new venues for healing.  we all know that online connection can be more meaningful than it might seem, and even though i wish everyone could be in the same room at the same time, sometimes that is just not possible.  online, in a safe container with other people in the same boat, can be the next-best-thing in the right kinds of contexts.  for the past 2 months i have been facilitating a let’s-try-it-and-see-how-it-goes-because-i-have-some-hurting-friends-who-need-extra-love-and-hope online divorce group for women to gain some strength, support, and healing in the grieving process;  i have found that even though i miss the face-to-face, the reality is that none of us would be meeting without it being online because everyone lives all over the US.  plus, it’s really amazing what’s possible with people in similar situations, desiring change and open to work for a season.

with that, i am excited to partner in early 2012 with my wonderful and wise friend phyllis mathis on a 4 week online workshop for men & women based on our walking wounded: hope for those hurt by church gathering that we hosted in denver last month.  you can check out all of the details here.  it is one of the first times i have actually ever charged for something i am doing! and honestly, it is time for me to be willing to do that in the right contexts.  don’t worry, i won’t be bombarding you with marketing stuff and this is not my new job but rather an extension of what you all know i am really passionate about–transformation, connection, and healing.  i am glad to be able to also partner with live it to the full, which is a great platform for online classes and workshops that will make it easy for me & for participants.  in the first part of 2012 i am hoping to open up the divorce group to others beyond just my little experiment and also offer a down we go: living into the wild ways of Jesus workshop for those wanting to explore the material a little more deeply & practically.  i’ll keep you posted on both of these (and a few other ideas brewing) as details come together.

meanwhile, the date for this first one is set for january 9th 2012 after the holidays and registration is now open  if you or someone you know is in this spot of being stuck, disillusioned, burned-out, or just plain hurt and would like to be a part, we’d love to have you.  feel free to email me if you have any questions.

here are the basics:

* * * *

Hope for Those Hurt by Church

For most of us, our faith journey is the most essential thing about us, the closest thing to the core of who we are. So whenever some major shift in perspective rocks our faith, or we’re involved in a conflict involving our faith community, it goes deep, affecting our soul in some surprising ways.

If you are feeling lost, disillusioned or hurt as a result of a shift in your faith or by a negative church (or other faith community) experience, this just might be the class for you.

Join us January 9 through February 3, 2012 for Walking Wounded: Hope for Those Hurt by Church. Class price is $49 and includes daily posts (Monday through Friday) and weekly exercises in journaling, storytelling, and wellness practices.

Course Description

Thousands of honest, sincere people are finding themselves on the outside of a faith system they once held dear. The sadness, anger, disillusionment and fear can be debilitating. And confusing.

Have You:

• Been asked to leave a church or told you’re not a “good fit”?
• Felt forced to conform or remain consistently overlooked?
• Been told that you are loved but not your sin?
• Questioned leadership or theology and found yourself on the outside?
• Felt sad, angry, afraid, lost, or disoriented after painful church experiences?
• Experienced a significant shift in your theology or faith perspective and find yourself feeling disoriented and unsure?

You are not lost, and you are not alone.

Walking Wounded: Hope for Those Hurt By Church is designed to help you move through the painful and confusing aftermath of a negative faith-based experience.

In this 4 week class you will:

• Connect with others who have similar experiences
• Identify your losses and reclaim your dreams
• Tell your story and receive support
• Work through your unfinished business
• Learn effective practices to restore a sense of sanity

Through interviews, conversation, journaling and storytelling, Kathy Escobar and Phyllis Mathis will guide you through the confusion and into a place of purpose and peace.

at the same time, it poses another honest question–why work this hard? seriously.   i know i have many friends who look in at what we’re doing and think it’s all a little nutty, how much we pour into this wild little community when we could take such an easier path.  why have we chosen a road that’s so freaking messy?

trust me, i ask that question all the time.  i imagine a nice office, an administrative assistant, making above the minimum wage, and being able to leave my work there instead of drag it home.  but i then i just laugh because that is so not me.  it never has been and it never will be.  and this is somehow the little blip i’m dedicated to.  that’s it.   it’s not for everyone, that is for sure.  but i am learning here what i don’t think i could learn if it were easier. i am not learning how to be a better speaker, a more efficient leader, a more effective manager, or a stronger fundraiser.  those things are not inherently bad, but they are much easier than learning how to be a healthier human being.

i feel like that’s what i’m learning through being part of this community.  how to be a healthier human being.

able to love and be loved.  able to withstand adversity and still cling to Hope.  able to hold on to what needs to be held on to and let of what’s not mine.  able to laugh and cry at the same time.  able to be mad at myself and kind to myself in the same breath.  able to feel & hurt and able to receive healing & help.   able to realize God is God and i’m human.  able to have limits and also possibilities.  able to fall down and slowly get back up.   able to survive conflict and not have it kill me.  able to be a friend & have friends.  able to rely on others & also rely on God.  able to trust.  able to recognize limitations & able to still dream.  able to give & able to receive. able to be vulnerable & allow myself to hurt.

i don’t think many churches teach this stuff. and i know why.  it doesn’t sell.  it’s not too inviting or comfortable.

but i think that’s what “church” should be about, really.

helping people become better human beings.

people of love, mercy, justice, hope, and healing.  people who are willing to learn and fail and try again.  people who focus on our own logs instead of others specks.  people who lay down stones. people who are brave and scared at the same time.  people who don’t give up but rely on God to sustain them through the twists and turns.  people who are humble and willing to do the hard stuff and celebrate the good stuff.  people willing to learn.

there are lots of different ways to learn it, it just so happens this is the particular Jesus school i happen to be enrolled in.

so that’s where i am at today.  grateful for my humanity and God’s divinity.  grateful for long-haul community.  grateful for the 12 steps.  grateful for the beatitudes.  grateful for my dear & faithful friends who are helping me become a better human being.

* * * * *

“wake up, wake up, o zion!

clothe yourself with strength.

put on your beautiful clothes, o holy city of jerusalem..

rise from the dust…

sit in a place of honor.

remove the chains of slavery from your neck, o captive daughter of zion.”

isaiah 52:1-2

this scripture came to mind two weekends ago during our walking wounded gathering as i listened to two amazing women briefly sharing their painful church story of being silenced and unvalued in the church because they are female.  honestly, in those moments, my heart physically hurts.  i see their beauty, their power, their wisdom and wonder how in the $*!^$&^#%$ the church, the place that’s supposed to be Christ’s bride and a reflection of his image, could silence half its members so overtly (and somehow get away with it!).

the reality is that many other voices have been silenced by the church, far beyond only women.  and because of this lack of voices, we have all suffered.  we have missed the voices of the poor, the oppressed, the brown, the gay, the divorced, the orphaned, the young, the uneducated, the theologically incorrect, the tromped on, the forgotten.  we have given our microphones and our pulpits and our programs over to the strong and the powerful and created a system where those on the margins are ignored and dismissed.

but something’s breaking out right now that can’t be squelched.  we see it in the town squares that are filled with average people who are protesting wall street & starting to say “we’re tired of the powerful and greedy controlling our world, something’s got to change.”  we see it in the mass exodus young people are making out of the church because it refuses to focus on issues they care about related to justice & mercy & equality.  we see it in the long line of former-church-people who have deconstructed their faith & are finding something more real because they could no longer tolerate the deep inconsistencies between faith & practice. we see it in the groundswell of advocacy & support for equality and dignity for all regardless of sexual orientation.

in all kinds of places we are seeing it–a movement from below.  a groundswell from the bottom.  an uprising where little pockets of people are saying “we’re not going to do this anymore…..we’re tired of people’s dignity being stripped…it’s time for change.” 

on the whole, the tops of systems aren’t changing.  the hierarchy remains.  the powerful and strong keep making rules & laws & policies & money.  many are hunkering down, hoping they can weather this storm and eventually the unruly sheep will get back in line and start towing the line once again.

but it’s not going to happen.  the sheep are getting tired of being jacked around by oppressive shepherds who don’t care about their well-being.  who put their own self-interest above the common good.  who allow others to be mistreated.  who put chains around others necks instead of setting people free.

the sheep are rising up.

yeah, we’re rising up.   not to rise up and away from problems and pain, but rather to have courage and strength to enter into it.  all over the place, God is calling people to freedom, to living out the gospel instead of talking about it, to practice instead of theory.   i call it a “holy stirring” and i think we will see it get stronger & wider & deeper over the upcoming years.

so many people i know are refusing to be part of oppressive systems anymore.  they are finding their way outside of the traditional confines of religion & meeting God in unlikely places.  they are renewing their passions and serving in all kinds of wild and beautiful ways that is viewed by the establishment as subversive even though it’s the closest thing to the gospel i’ve ever seen.  artists are creating.  silenced voices are speaking.  young people are voting with their feet.  chains are breaking.  dignity is being slowly & painfully being restored in little pockets of love & freedom that are often unseen & unnoticed by the masses.

but it’s happening.

the prophets are emerging from below, from underneath, from unlikely places.

God is calling people out of numbness and complacency.  and just like our hands feel when we warm them up after they freeze in the snow, it’s going to hurt.  like really hurt.  unfreezing our hearts, hands, feet, mouths, and brains is going to hurt as we thaw out and find our true identity created in the image of God.  parts of us are going to come alive that were once left for dead.  we’re going to have to use muscles that have atrophied.  we’re going to feel things we haven’t felt before.  we’re going to be more vulnerable and unprotected.  we’re going to doubt our voices.  we’re going to hear the critics tell us that we’re stupid & disgruntled & should quit complaining.  we’re going to doubt ourselves and wonder if maybe “going back to egypt” will make it feel better.

some will go back to their “proper place” and feel safe again.

but far more others are going to keep waking up, rising up, and breaking free from the chains that once kept us captive.  we are going to keep being set free and help others be set free, too.   we are going to care about the things that Jesus cares about like justice & mercy & compassion & peace & hope & restoration.  we are going to band together with others from below & form little armies of change that will shift laws & topple kingdoms & break down all kinds of walls that keep people stuck. 

there’s a rising up from below, calling us out of numbness.  calling us to freedom. calling us to justice.  calling us to mercy.  calling us to love.

God, keep thawing us out. we know it’s time. 

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ps:  i have a post up today at shelovesmagazine as part of a monthly column called sheloves God. this one is called leaving the ninety-nine for the one & is adapted from the chapter in down we go called extending love, mercy and compassion. sheloves is a prophetic voice calling us out of numbness in all kinds of ways.

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check out other bloggers writing about the prophets this month (i’ll add more links as they come in tonight):

• Joy Wilson at Solacetree- The Blessing of Losing Your Faith
• Jeremy Myers at Till He Comes – I Have a Dream
• Glenn Hager at Breathe – Uncomfortably Numb
• Linda at Kingdom Grace – On Earth as it is in Heaven
• Sally at Eternal Echoes – Where are the True Prophets?
• Tammy Carter at Blessing the Beloved – No Compromise
• Alan Knox at The Assembling of Church – My Word of Prophecy:  Quit Listening to Prophetic Voices
• Liz at Gracerules – Listen
• Christine Sine at Godspace – Surrounded by Prophetic Voices: Clouds of Witnesses That Call Us Out of Numbness
• Amy Martin – The Window of Suffering, the Beginning of Hope 
• Kathy Escobar at The Carnival in My Head- Rising Up From Below 
• K.W. Leslie at More Christ – What is God Challenging You to Do?
• Katherine Gunn at A Voice in the Desert – Where is Your Heart? 
• Steve Hayes at Khanya – Murder of the Cathedral
• Leah Chang at desertsspiritsfire – Wall Street, Our Street
• Bobby Aunder at Deconstructing Neverland – Shift 
• Minnow at Minnowspeaks – Day of Dialogue

there were many things that stuck out for me over our friday evening & all day saturday together.  however, if i had to choose one overarching thing  it would be the deep sadness of realizing how so many dear and dedicated people, with deep passion for Jesus & people & hope & change, could end up on the outs somehow.  it just hurts.

and i think the thing that everyone has in common is that somehow they weren’t quite “right” for the systems we were part of.

they were too much or not enough. too messy. to passionate. too caring. too female. not male enough.  too gay. not pretty enough.  too strong.  too weak. too mentally ill. too poor. too loud.  too divorced. too single.  too wild.  too quiet.  they asked too many questions or not the right ones. too creative. too boring.  they said “no,” said “i can’t anymore,” said “something’s wrong here,” said “i’m not so sure anymore,” said “what about those people?” said “can i take a break?” and “can you please help me, i’m hurting?”

the church should be the safest place on earth.  the one place where we are okay just as we are.  in all our mess, in all our glory. in all our femaleness in all our maleness. in all our good and all our bad. in all our strengths and all our weaknesses. in all our love for God and in all our doubts & questions.

but the truth is that because of its emphasis on performance, growth, exclusion, and self-interest, the church has become a place that continues to make most people feel somehow never quite right about who we are.

i realized that has been my experience from the beginning, really.  when i first became a christian i always felt stupid because i didn’t know important things i guess i was supposed to know magically about the Bible.  i remember being chastised by my first real pastor when my oldest son was a baby for asking what-i-think-were-really-fair questions about predestination. he made me feel so dumb, so “not quite right.”  i have countless stories of feeling shame in these kinds of church-y moments.  then, as i learned more and started to grow up, i ended up feeling completely inadequate as a christian; i wasn’t a good enough christian wife or mom or friend or disciple and somehow needed to pray more, work more, learn more, do more, try more.  when i started to break free from that and gain a little more security & healing, i found myself in a system that in subtle & direct ways kept saying to me “um, can you quit talking about deeper relationship?  we just want to study our Bibles and go to church and be happy.  stop it!”  that is on top of being a strong, passionate woman who isn’t interested in either children’s ministry, worship, or only women’s ministry.  yeah, until now, i was never quite right.  i have always been too much or not enough for the church.

i know so many of you in the same boat.

you’ve just never been “quite right” for the churches you’ve been part of.

i’m so sorry.  it’s not the way it should be.  i don’t think it was ever the idea.

the church, the wild & beautiful body of Christ, people of all shapes & sizes coming together in some shape or form to learn how to love God, ourselves & others should be the one place where we’re okay.  just as we are.  today.  not tomorrow.  not once we do this or do that.  not once we know this or know that.  not once we heal this or heal that.  now.  today.

so that’s my prayer for those of you who are on the outs and are hurting.  who were never quite right for the places you tried to be.  i am so sorry for your pain.  but you are not alone.  oh, you are so not alone.

my hope is that we can gain the courage & healing to redeem what was lost. i have a feeling it will look totally different than anything we’ve ever seen or experienced before. for me, it looks like the refuge, but for you it might just look like a few close friends dedicated to hanging out with each other just because.  it might look like being part of a ministry or organization or group that you’re really passionate about.  it might look like planting a new safe community. it might look like finding one that is safe enough for the real you.  it might look like going to therapy or spiritual direction to rebuild strength that was stripped or gain it for the first time.

it looks so different for each of us.  but i can strongly say that i think we all need to try to find some little pocket of love & little pocket of freedom where we (and the people who are part) can feel welcomed, valued, loved, honored, restored, and okay-just-how-we-are.

that’s not too much to ask.

as we’ve been preparing for it, it is has been interesting how much has been stirred up for me about church.

as you all know, i love the church.  it would have been so easy for me to throw in the towel a long time ago if i had only based things on my experience with “the system.”  but the truth is that God’s people–together in some way, shape or form, living out the ways of Jesus in real & tangible ways–is sewn into my skin in ways that i don’t think i will ever be able to shake.

at the same time, as much as i love the church, i also hate what it has done–and continues to do–to so many people.  i can’t stand the way it limits people. i can’t stand the way it serves itself. i can’t stand the way it excludes. i can’t stand the way it reflects the powers of the world instead of the beatitudes-infused-kingdom-of-God. i can’t stand the way it puts programs over people.

my dear friend barb murphy is the founder and director of cans for hope, a grassroots ministry dedicated to raising money to help women heal from sexual abuse & sex trafficking.  i heard her speak this past weekend at a ministry event & she shared something very powerful. she said “the things we can’t stand, we are called to fix.”

the things we can’t stand, we are called to fix.

out of almost everything related to “church” the one thing i can’t stand the most is how it limits freedom.  i always say that the church of Jesus Christ should be the free-est, least oppressed, most inclusive, most grace-filled place on earth.  yet, as we all know, it has the reputation for being the opposite.  instead of being a pocket of freedom, many churches are pockets of oppression. limiting half of the population from leading freely. keeping God safely tucked into a man-shaped box.  keeping gifts squelched and in the hands of the clergy.  spending resources on perpetuating a system that has nothing to do with community & changed lives & healing & transformation and everything to do with mortgages & strategic growth.  constantly giving into the gravitational pull toward comfort and making sure the powerful-people-who-give stay happy.  assuming people only love God “their” way instead of lots of other wild & beautiful & untraditional ways.

this past saturday evening we talked about gender inequality and the church, and i left so sad (not because of the conversation, my daughter being on the panel sharing freely about this issue will inspire me for a long time!).  my sadness came when i intersected yet again with the reality that on the whole “the church” is a terrible reflection of freedom when it comes to this huge issue of gender injustice.  the world, with all of its cultural bias against the dignity of women, is actually much further along when it comes to embracing and valuing women than the followers of Jesus Christ are.

in the same way i think churches should just be little pockets of love, i think that pockets of love aren’t really possible without first being a pocket of freedom.

where all people have dignity & incredible value.

where no one is oppressed or silenced or considered less-than because of their gender or race or economic status or educational status or theology or any other things that usually keep people over or under another.

where questions are valued & doubt is honored because we trust in a God who can handle it.

where God is not contained by the limits of man’s teaching.

where each person’s gifts, no matter how big or small, have a chance to be expressed.

where men & women are seen as equals and sit next to each other as brothers & sisters & friends.

so that’s why i’m still in “church.”  because the thing i can’t stand, i’m called to fix.

i can’t fix the whole big system.  i know i can’t.

but i can refuse to participate in systems that knowingly perpetuate oppression.  that’s a small & important place to start.  it’s lonely at first, when we make a stand toward freedom, but it’s so worth it later.

and most importantly i can play my small part in fixing the little systems i am part of.

i can help create little pockets of freedom.  for me, these are my family, the refuge & the different groups i am part of & the relationships that i am in.  none of these are perfect; they are each made up of imperfect human beings, young & old ones, and i know everyone in them doesn’t feel fully free or fully loved all of the time.  i don’t, either.  we live this side of heaven so i don’t expect that.  but regardless of our shortcomings,  it’s still possible to play our small part in participating in creating the kingdom of God now by making spaces for freedom.  real Jesus-infused freedom.

Jesus “sets the oppressed free” (luke 4:18) & i’m pretty sure this isn’t what he had in mind:

i’m also reminded again of what toni morrison says:  “the function of our freedom is to free someone else.”

i hope that we can all bravely step into our freedom & quit letting man-made systems limit us.  then, i hope we can use this God-given freedom to free someone else.

and someone else. and someone else.

yeah, a lot of little pockets of freedom, over time, can actually create big ones.

God help us play our small part in creating little pockets of freedom, a reflection of your kingdom in the here & now.

* * * * *

a few other things:

• thanks david hayward at nakedpastor.com for the awesome cartoon.
• i think this is an awesome addition to the list of questions from the downward mobility synchroblog post last week.  thanks jeff! // read it here:  being loved or being used.  
• i’m doing a down we go workshop this afternoon at soularize.  if you’re there, come say hi!