what are you for

what we’re for.

kathyescobar church stuff, down we go, dreams, equality, faith shifts, healing, the refuge 2 Comments

There’s a new church plant in my neighborhood at our local school. They moved here with a whole bunch of people from another state, started two services out of the chute, have mailed us multiple big expensive postcards, put up flags and signs lining the street, and even have parking attendants in bright orange jackets ready to guide you into your parking spot . I have seen them every Sunday morning because that’s a time I usually for sure take a walk. I told Jose the …

in every human being jean vanier

the simple, messy, complicated art of friendship.

kathyescobar advent & lent, church stuff, friendship, healing, incarnational, injustice, spiritual formation 5 Comments

Today is Maundy Thursday, the night of the Last Supper and Jesus reminding the disciples that they were no longer his servants but his friends (John 15:15). That receiving was just as important as giving. That they needed to “do as I have done for you” (John 13:15). A few weeks ago I had the privilege of going on a Learning and Listening Trip to Pine Ridge Indian Reservation in South Dakota. Some of you may already be familiar with it and the realities of the …

image of bingo game

church bingo: before & after our faith unravels

kathyescobar church stuff, ex good christian women, faith shifts, just because i thought it was fun 6 Comments

I got a funny email from a friend a while back about checking out a new church after a radical faith shift.  It’s always so brave to explore new possibilities and take the plunge and see what’s out there. The part that made me laugh the most was when he said he felt guilty for liking the coffee bar!  Oh, the joys of our church baggage. It made me think of the things that used to matter to some of us when it comes to church …

despite the thorns there's still so much beauty

so much beauty despite the thorns.

kathyescobar church stuff, incarnational, jesus is cool 10 Comments

Well, that was kind of wild. My little post on narcissism and the church was the #2 most-hit blog post in carnival history (#1 is ex-good-christian-women, ha ha).  I am so glad because it means that people’s eyes are being opened to this issue in church culture. Hopefully we will actually let what we see guide us toward different choices about who we give our money, time, and talents to. Meanwhile, I have felt this sense of deep sadness the past few days. So much mis-used power. …

a thing or two about narcissism (+ church).

kathyescobar church stuff, crazy making, faith shifts, injustice, rants, relationships 59 Comments

For a lot of years now I have been journeying with a lot of women who have been in marriages or relationships with narcissists. I’m not talking about plain old self-absorbedness, of which we all have a touch of in different ways. I’m talking about something far more insidious and confusing, too–people with true blue Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) or just-plain-real-and-deep narcissism that makes people around them feel crazy, unempowered, abused, and emotionally stripped. Several years ago The Refuge hosted a gathering for women who had …

the same minds that got us into the problem can’t get us out

kathyescobar church stuff, dreams, equality, injustice, women in ministry 7 Comments

One of the hardest things for me is when I see talented, amazing, gifted, educated, passionate, articulate, creative women who over the years have found that they have no place left in the church. They waited. They tried. They gave it their all. They showed up again and again and again and again. And in the end, the system just didn’t value them. Didn’t embrace their gifts. Didn’t ask them to be part of leadership beyond support and helping roles. Didn’t “get them.” Didn’t make room. …

not confusing “dones” with “don’t cares”

kathyescobar church stuff, faith shifts, healing 23 Comments

I’m definitely slow on blogging these days. Lots of thoughts swirling around in my head and little to no time to sit down and give them a chance to come out. However, I have been having a great time facilitating some Faith Shift Processing Parties in different cities this Winter and Spring. Portland and Nashville so far in January and next up is Seattle and Phoenix, and just added Berkeley at American Baptist Seminary of the West, yeah! If you are in any of those areas …

outsiders.

kathyescobar advent & lent, church stuff, down we go, ex good christian women, faith shifts, jesus is cool 32 Comments

One of the things that has been the hardest about shifting faith is moving from being an “insider” to an “outsider.” I have always been one of those people who looks like an insider, like someone who fits in. The truth is that underneath a lot of that has been a prevailing feeling that somehow, I just really don’t. The more I’ve talked to people of the years, the more clear I am that we can be lonely in a group or as part of the …