Pages Menu
TwitterRssFacebook
Categories Menu

Posted on Mar 30, 2013 in advent & lent, formation friday, spiritual formation | 14 comments

formation friday: the cross

cross collage

“it is finished” – john 19:30

it’s good friday (well, it was, but since i’m just now posting this it’s holy saturday). and because it’s so important to not be too serious all the time, i really love david hayward’s cartoon.

each year, the cross has had different meanings to me. i’ve rewritten the same post different times here & here and every year it always shifts a little or certain things mean more than others.

when i was in israel & palestine in january, i had a whole new perspective on the cross and its realities (written by our group leader). one of the most significant pieces for me was the reality that the cross was more than likely eye level, on the road, right in front of everyone, not up on a hill like so much of our imagery suggested. the raw and intimate brutality of it all is so gory. the king, who came in to the roar of hosannas & anticipation, now hanging like the worst of criminals. beaten, scorned, mocked, abandoned–looking his mother in the eyes.

i like to honor good friday by remembering the story. the humility of Jesus. the ways we are always drawn toward success & power. the crazy way of the cross.

today for formation friday (aka formation saturday), i thought i’d just ask one question to ponder and reflect:

  • what does the cross mean to you this year?

there are no right or wrong answers, no spiritually mature ones or spiritually void ones. it’s just whatever is stirred up in your heart this year. for some, saying it out loud helps distill it. for others, just pondering it in our heart is all we need. but I do think it’s a good formation question to consider as we keep growing and transforming in our faith.

for me, as i was walking this week reflecting on the cross, i had two different word combos come to mind: brutal & beautiful and vicious & tender.

that’s how life is. that’s how Jesus on the cross is.

this year that’s what the cross means to me–another powerful and important reminder of God’s paradoxical ways. and how hard that is for me to live in as a human being hoping for a cleaner, easier path this side of heaven. i am constantly reminded how freaking hard & beautiful life is, how desperate i feel for my friends to catch a break, how broken our systems are, how often power & violence seems to win.

and then i remember the cross. it didn’t win.

love does.

but winning sure does look different than i ever expected.

peace and hope to you this easter weekend, kathy

ps: the image above is a little art piece i created this week just for fun. i tore up a bible (it was a teen girls promise bible that somehow ended up at my house and lightning did not strike), using a mix of scriptures i thought of this week. art is always healing.

 

 

Read More

Posted on Mar 28, 2013 in advent & lent, incarnational, jesus is cool, relationships, the refuge | 10 comments

receiving.

greater sacrifice

before i dive into a different holy week post, i wanted to share something important related to yesterday’s easter hope(less).  i definitely didn’t write it for everyone. many are in a really good place related to easter and it’s okay to enjoy it! i’ve noticed that some of us can have survivor’s guilt when it comes to faith. i just want to honor this important thing: we all have our own unique stories that are unfolding in different ways. the best thing we can do is be as true and honest to those stories no matter what they look like and be safe enough to honor others’ as well. 

with that, i wanted to share a reprise of a post i wrote 3 easters ago for maundy thursday. even though i can say i have inched toward receiving better, i hope over time it can grow in depth and freedom.  i am guessing i might not be the only one who’s better at giving than receiving?

* * * * *

a new command i give you: love one another. as I have loved you, so you must love one another. by this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another” – john 13:34-35

today is maundy thursday.  in latin, maundy means “command”, reflecting the commands that Jesus gave his disciples in the upper room the night he was betrayed.  one of my favorite passages of scripture is john 13-17.  i come back to it a lot, and especially love the story in john 13 of Jesus and the passage in john 13 of Jesus washing the disciples feet as a powerful example of what love looks like. i am often reminded how it’s really not that hard to wash other people’s feet. i have done it before in my christian experience, and while beautiful, it is not that difficult.

on the other hand, having someone else wash mine–well that’s a whole different story. at the start of the refuge we had a foot washing as part of mercy boot camp, an intensive the refuge hosted.  i can say that it was brutally hard for me to soak in the love and sacrifice of my friends as they washed my feet.  i will never forget the experience.

i am also more convinced than ever that for most of us, it’s way easier to give than receive. i know it is for me.  it’s easy to be in the driver’s seat, the place where we are somehow “helping” or “loving” someone else., the place where we get to offer our love, our time, our resources on someone’s behalf.  and i do believe a big reason why the “missional” conversation is popular right now in the wider church is that it is calling out God’s image in us that many modern systems have been neglecting in terms of spiritual formation–to love with more than just words.  to enter into the places no one else wants to go and offer hope and help in really tangible ways.  and of course, i’m not saying that’s easy.

but i definitely think receiving is much harder than giving.

this powerful story of Jesus washing the disciples feet and calling us to do the same reminded me of how much humility it requires to let someone else wash ours.  to humble ourselves and let others’ “good” in, too.  to allow ourselves to be vulnerable enough to receive.   to respect and recognize what a huge barrier pride, control, and power really are.

yeah,  giving is important. serving is important.  sacrificial love is important.  and on special days like this it seems easy to get convicted by all the focus on sacrificial love and think maybe i just need to give more.

but what if the greater sacrifice is to let someone else wash our feet, instead of us washing theirs?

to receive love instead of give it?

to be like the disciples, and let the least likely person in the room pass love on to us?

true community, true love, is about washing each other’s feet.  loving others.  letting others love us.   the missional conversation is not complete with mainly focusing on giving and not teaching about the power of receiving.  receiving from those that we think only need us.  receiving from others who are different from us.  receiving from those just like us.  receiving from the least & the last.

and yeah, one of the prettiest parts of this story is a reminder that we can’t parse it all out and keep God and people separate.  i have no doubt that part of loving God is letting God love us through letting people love us.  yikes, that’s a lot of letting love in.

maybe that’s the hardest part.  maybe that’s why Jesus made this such a big deal.  maybe that’s why most of us don’t learn this in churches because most leaders don’t know how to receive and our human default is self-protection.  many of us only know how to give.  because it’s safer.  easier.  far more comfortable.

receiving from people, receiving from God are not my strong points.  and in these moments of intentional reflection and a steeping in the gospel stories i am painfully aware of how truly annoying the ways of Jesus really are when they get under your skin.

so today, this maundy thursday 2013 i am grateful for Christ’s reminder of what love looks like.

not just giving, but humbly receiving. too.

Read More

Posted on Mar 27, 2013 in advent & lent, faith shifts, healing | 19 comments

easter hope(less)

ring the bells that still can ring

it’s easter week. a little hard to believe because it seems like yesterday we were talking about christmas and how hard it can be. i am one of those people who like easter. even though my faith has shifted in all kinds of ways, the beauty and power of the resurrection story resonates deeply in my heart. embracing life as a series of fridays-saturdays-and-sundays has helped me over the years and i think that being born again and again is part of our ongoing work to become better human beings and less divided.

at the same time, i realize this time of year is so freaking hard for so many people.

i wrote when easter is hard in about 30 minutes last year and it stirred up a lot of strong feelings. this holiday used to be so many people’s very favorite, the trophy of a strong and vibrant faith.  then, when things fell part and the pillars of our faith crumbled, it has become a place of pain & sorrow & loneliness.

for many,

it feels like a party’s going on that we’re no longer invited to.

we can’t sing the songs because we don’t even know what those words mean anymore.

we know we can’t just go sit in church and listen to a salvation message because we might crawl out of our skin.

we are 100% sure we won’t be responding with “he is risen, indeed” because it feels forced.

we won’t be on facebook on sunday because we will be perpetually annoyed.

we want to feel hope & joy & life but we aren’t sure it comes through this holiday anymore and don’t want to fake it.

we have family members who are praying for us to come to church with them this sunday and we want to honor them but at the same time aren’t quite sure we can stomach it.

some have let go of Jesus in ways that used to feel so good and kind of miss him.

many others are trying to hold on to Jesus in a pure & authentic way but all of the hubub around easter is messing with that.

some are lonely.

some are tired.

and so many would love to feel the stirrings of new life again.

we’re all in different places on this and i am sure you could add so many other things to the list. as a pastor on the fringes, i always feel the crazy tension of this week and am glad to be part of a community that somehow does the best it can to celebrate resurrection and respect that so many of us are in weird places on it. at the same time, i know that many refuge friends sit in our wild & crazy church and feel the same feelings on that list.

easter is just really hard when we’re in the midst of or on the other end of a faith shift.

the earth has tilted and we are wobbling to find our space and our bearings.

part of the easter story is the promise of new life. that out of death & suffering & lament, new life emerges. i believe that story is being told in so many right now–our faith stripped away, we are living in the darkness and grief of all that was lost.  it can seem like a perpetual winter, like we’re stuck in friday’s death & saturday’s lament.  

but here’s what i truly believe in every part of my soul–spring will come.

spring is coming.

we may not feel it yet. the ground is still hard and frozen, but underneath the surface are seeds that are growing in the darkness. seeds of a free-er faith, seeds of a simpler faith, seeds of hope that God is bigger than we have been taught, seeds of life and hope and joy and mercy and love and peace and courage and beauty.

our shoots all pop up at different times and in different ways.

for some, easter isn’t as hard this year as it was the last. that’s something to celebrate!  for others, the shoots are so fragile, and you need to be extra gentle with yourself and tend carefully to the beautiful & tender hope that is trying to emerge. and for others, it just feels so freaking sad and you’re reading this thinking that winter will last forever.

we have a saying at the refuge that my dear friend tami coined–sometimes when we don’t have hope, we have to borrow it from each other.  this easter, if you are hanging on by a thread, my hope to lend is that it won’t always feel this hard.

i never expect that people will be able to sit in an easter service without breaking out in hives, although that’s definitely a bonus.

but my persistent hope is that over time all of us would feel more alive, more free, more loved, more loving, more connected, more peace, more passion, more hope, more resurrection over time.

yeah, i do believe easter always comes, in unique & surprising & unexpected & beautiful ways, but maybe not with all the hoop-la and bells and whistles, and probably not only on march 31st.   there are 364 other days in the year, and i’m really glad for that.

my heart is with you as you grieve what has died, as you celebrate what is starting to coming to life, as you thaw and find your way through this season.

with love and hope, kathy

Read More

Posted on Feb 22, 2013 in advent & lent, formation friday, spiritual formation | 6 comments

formation friday: noticing

formation friday noticing

twice a month at the refuge we have a gathering called “refuge advocates”, a time for learning, training, encouragement, and soul care for people who journey with people in hard places.  i love this group!  it is not just for refuge advocates but for friends from other churches & ministries, too, to come and have a space to process and learn together.  this past week we did a neighborhood prayer walk as part of lent & being more aware of what’s going on around us and inside of us at the same time.

oh, it was so pretty, what can happen with intentional quiet space and a little guidance.

it was also really hard, seeing what maybe we hadn’t seen before in new ways. the area where the refuge is located is in the suburbs but it is the ghetto of our town, on the other side of the railroad tracks, and the contrast between it and other parts of broomfield is really evident.

the exercise made me think of christine sine’s new book, return to our senses: reimagining how we pray.  i hope you’ll get a copy (i gave some as christmas presents this year. it is so good!) .it is centered on opening ourselves up to diverse and meaningful ways of connecting with God.  i love what she says in the book about prayer:

“Prayer is not about finding the right words to say to God, it is about becoming alive to the loving presence of God in each and every moment. It is about waking up to the fact that the love of God shines through every act, every object and every conversation. The speaking of words can become rote and repetitive, even boring at times, the developing of relationship requires flexibility, creativity and constant willingness to change and to grow. Anything that connects us to the love of God, or expresses our love for God is an act of prayer. Sights, sounds, tastes, smells, textures can all be acts of prayer that draw us into deeper intimacy with God.”

i love this reminder that anything that connects us to the love of God, or expresses our love for God, is an act of prayer.

we started our walk with this prayer:

God, help us see.

help us feel.

help us taste.

help us smell.

help us hear.

help us listen.

help us understand.

help us love. 

for our walk, we used the beatitudes as a guide and had some reflection questions to consider (yep, i’m a broken record). each one had a personal reflection in addition to what we noticed in the neighborhood as we were walking.  i thought i’d share it here today for formation friday and for those of you who might want to try it, even if in the comfort of your own home, as a practice of “noticing” and tuning into our hearts and what we are wrestling with and also what’s around us in prayer.

blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.
blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness ,for they will be filled.
blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.
blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.
blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.
blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
- Matthew 5:3-10

as you walk, notice:

spiritual poverty. practical poverty. // consider places where God’s presence is needed.

  • what are some ways we are spiritually poor?
  • what are some ways this neighborhood might be?

places of pain and grief. // consider what’s going on behind certain doors, up certain streets.

  • what are things we are grieving right now?
  • what are some things that people around here might have lost?
  • who is comforting them in their pain?

dry and hungry places. this can be practically or spiritually. 

  • what does it look like, feel like there?
  • what are we hungry and thirsty for right now?
  • what do you think others out here are hungry and thirsty for?

places that need healing, mercy. // imagine some of the things people around here struggle with: broken relationships, job loss, divorce, depression, shame, abuse, struggling kids, addiction, mental illness, chronic pain, physical illness, immigration.

  • what are some areas of your life that need God’s healing & mercy?
  • how do you think God’s mercy shows up here?

places of beauty. // notice God’s beauty.

  • where are you seeing it in your own life right now?
  • where do you see it today?

places in our heart that are hardened and judgmental. // notice our hearts as we are walking. 

  • what are our hearts hardened to right now? 
  • how are we judging others in our own life?
  • how are our hearts hardened to the needs around us or protected by our judgmentalness?

places in need of peace. // think of God’s shalom–wholeness.

  • how are you finding greater peace & wholeness in your life right now?
  • what would God’s shalom look like for this neighborhood?

places of persecution. // consider how people here are persecuted for all kinds of reasons. 

  • how do you maybe feel persecuted in your life right now?
  • what are some things people who live here might be persecuted for?
  • what would it look like to be persecuted on others behalf, for doing what’s right no matter the cost?

as you walk, keep asking yourself these three questions, courtesy of my dear & wise friend from mile high ministries, ryan taylor:

  • what’s the struggle?  
  • what’s the hope?  
  • what’s the invitation?

God, we don’t want to miss you.  we want to notice you in new ways, creative ways, beautiful ways, hard ways. may our hearts & eyes & ears & mouths & hands be open.  

have a great weekend. love, kathy

* * * * *

ps: a lot of you may have already this on rachel held evans’ blog, but in case you didn’t yet, this is a lovely simple thought on turning ugly into beautiful as a way to pray.  now that’s cool.

Read More

Posted on Feb 16, 2013 in advent & lent, formation friday, healing, jesus is cool, spiritual formation, the refuge | 15 comments

formation friday: thirsty

thirst ash wednesday light

“but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” – Jesus to the samaritan woman in john 4:14

it’s a little hard to believe that christmas came & went and now we are diving into the season of lent. i know some of you love this season in the church calendar and some of you can’t stand it.  i am one of those people who like it.  the part i appreciate the most about it is the intention. i like ways to help me remember God, connect with my humanity, and soften my so-easy-to-become-hardened heart.

one of our refuge traditions is that we host a sacred & contemplative space on ash wednesday to begin the 40 days toward easter.  the theme of this year’s gathering was “thirst.” i can’t re-create the stations or the moment, but i thought i’d share one of the reflections here for formation friday because it was such a great way to start the season.

i do not drink enough water every day.  coffee, no problem, i never lack for that. a diet coke, oh how i crave one sometimes. but water, the thing i most need to make my body work properly, that is the thing that seems the hardest to do.

it really is how i often live so much of my life: the thing i need most is the thing i seek after the least. 

it bugs me, really, my natural bent toward not-doing-what’s-really-good-for-me.

this lent, i am thirsty.  not for diet coke and coffee.  i’ve got enough of that in my life.

what i need more of is living water, the kind only God seems to be able to provide. the holy spirit working and breathing new life and redeeming and restoring and healing and strengthening and transforming and encouraging and making-me-new-and-then-new-again. 

the kind of water that satisfies the deep places of my heart and soul and reminds me that i’m loved.  that i’m enough. that i’m human. that i’m not alone. that life is greater than death. that good is greater than evil.

that God is always near, pouring goodness & truth & peace & love & hope into this flawed & broken pot.

and there’s always more.

if i will just go to the well and drink.  

on my israel & palestine trip, i went to jacob’s well, the place where Jesus met the samaritan woman at the well in john 4. it’s one of my favorite stories and it’s almost 100% that the well we stood at was the exact place where Jesus met her (you can’t fake a water source). my mom and i both drank the water from that well.  and i’ve got to tell you, it tasted good.  like really good.

it made me want to drink more.

i’m entering into this lenten season thirsty.

how about you?

* * * * *

this is one of the thirst stations we did at our ash wednesday services (my friend jenny creates the most beautiful things!) here are the scriptures & questions:

my inner self thirsts for God, for the living God. when shall I come and behold the face of God? when can I go and meet with God? psalm 42:2, amplified & NIV

you, God, are my God, earnestly i seek you; i thirst for you, my whole being longs for you, in a dry and parched land where there is no water. psalm 63:1-3, NIV

part 1 – acknowledge one thing you are thirsting for; one place where your soul feels dry, that you can continue to reflect on during this season. write it down on a stone and place it in the fountain, asking God to bring water to it.

photo-4

photo-38

part 2 – the candle on the center table is a symbol of Christ, who gives us light, to be able to face reality, and gaze more deeply into the loving face of God. take a taper and light it from the center candle, then place it in the sand container.

photo-34

you are not alone in this wilderness journey.

(that was one of my favorite parts, all those candles lit.  it’s comforting to know i’m not the only thirsty one.) 

we did a few other things in the midst of music & scriptures & prayers and all left with a water bottle to use for the next 40 days to remember that we don’t have to go thirsty.

photo-37

this was our closing prayer:

let this water be a symbol, not just of life, but of transformation.

in every way that water refreshes, rehydrates, cleanses and renews–

remind us of you, God, as our source.

Living Water, flow into our parched souls.

in your name, Jesus, amen.

peace and hope and living water to you this lent. love, kathy

* * * * *

ps:  if you want to get some really great lent resources, check out christine sine’s blog. always such lovely stuff!  next week i’m going to share more about her new book, return to our senses: reimagining how we pray.

also, if you are new to this blog, here’s a list of other formation friday posts

Read More

Posted on Dec 22, 2012 in advent & lent, healing, spiritual formation | 8 comments

when christmas is hard: honoring paradox

when christmas is hard honoring paradoxwell, so much choosing for “help, thanks, wow” for when christmas is hard.  sometimes things just shift and new ideas come.  that’s what i love about blogging; it is current.  this week, i got a completely new thought on how i wanted to wrap this series, mainly because it’s what seems to always help me the most when i’m really in a hard place–honoring paradox.  i’ve written a lot about paradox over the years–how two contradicting things can exist at the same time.  even though i’d been talking about “beauty & ugly existing together” for a long time, several years ago richard rohr articulated it all in a way that melded the idea in my heart in a way that has really lasted.

and helped me in more ways than i can say to become less divided, more whole & sane.

it’s also helped me honor paradox in others, which makes living together in love so much easier.  richard rohr says, “if you can hold and forgive the contradictions within yourself, you can normally do it everywhere else too”

but it starts with us.

left on our own, we swing between left and right, good and bad, dark and light.  things become “all good” or “all bad” instead of both good & bad at the same time. it’s a dangerous way of living because it will cause us to live in extremes that aren’t always healthy.  also, life is not ever all good or all bad, all dark or all light.

it’s always a mix of both. 

this is my favorite part of the Jesus story–the crazy paradox of it all.  it is such a beautiful, messy story. Jesus’ birth doesn’t make sense in some ways & brings it all together in another.  it’s ugly & smelly and also beautiful & hopeful.  it’s the savior of the world–the one who was supposed to save the day with strength & might–dying on a cross.  it’s the last will be first and the first will be last.  it’s a mystery & it’s simple.  it’s….you fill in the blanks on all of the weird, contrary words that describe it.

as we enter into the last few days before christmas, my hope for those who are struggling this christmas is to try to honor paradox.

it always helps to remember the good, the light, the beautiful, the hopeful, no matter how small they might seem.  and it also helps to be painfully honest.  sometimes, life is just freaking hard and there’s no way we can will ourselves to feel better or pray enough to wake up with our realities gone in the morning.  but the hard stuff can still be present in the midst of the good.

i was with a friend a few weeks ago who is going through one of the most difficult seasons of her entire life.  she’s in a huge trauma and as she shared with me, i thought to myself “this is what it looks like to live in paradox.”   she shared honestly about how truly devastated she feels, how scared & angry & confused.  but at the same time, she shared about how she also can see good in the midst, light in the dark, hope in the despair.

it was seriously inspiring.

honoring paradox is healing.  freeing.  honest.  hopeful.

and really hard to do when our crazy brains are always trying to pull us to extremes. 

so that’s my hope for us these last few days before christmas–that we could honor paradox.  that we wouldn’t dismiss the hard stuff but we’d also acknowledge the good.

last christmas we did this exercise at the refuge for our christmas stories series.  i thought i’d share it here again for those of you who didn’t see it or for those who are like me and always need reminding.

paradoxes jpg

maybe you can give me a christmas gift and share your paradox here.  they make me really happy to hear and give me hope for my life, too.

the two sets of paradoxes that describe where i’m at right now are chaotic & peaceful and brave & scared.  

love and hope this christmas. this space has been a gift to me, so thanks for being here.

i’ll see you next week. love, kathy

* * * * *

ps: if you are new here, here are the other posts in this series.

Read More