Comments on: out of the darkness: eating disorders http://kathyescobar.com/2009/07/05/out-of-the-darkness-eating-disorders/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=out-of-the-darkness-eating-disorders Mon, 06 Feb 2012 07:25:26 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Tom Wilson http://kathyescobar.com/2009/07/05/out-of-the-darkness-eating-disorders/#comment-2588 Tom Wilson Sat, 11 Jul 2009 18:44:37 +0000 http://kathyescobar.com/?p=2162#comment-2588 As I read this I have to admit I just don't get it. It is something that I have difficulty trying to put the other persons shoes on regarding. Thank you for sharing this makes me desire to understand and be a safe person for those with these disorders. As a read this I find myself thinking that such a thing must be the product of a superficial, self-indulgent society that puts so much emphasis on physical appearance and on freely indulging ourselves on the things that we want. For me self-indulgence has shown in accumulation of things and of body fat and in the past using women for my own gratification and ego. When I'm bored I eat and seldom tell myself no and when it time to eat I eat to much. For me its a simple case food gluttony. Its strange, but it seems to me that much of the "disorder's" in society come from unwillingness to say no to anything and yet expecting that there no be consequences for it. I could be way of on this, but this is what comes to mind as I consider this. I even as a man feel responsibility for this as a I have been know to ogle women who meet societies ideal of beauty and body type and to ignore those who do not. Father forgive us/me and deliver us from evil. As I read this I have to admit I just don’t get it. It is something that I have difficulty trying to put the other persons shoes on regarding.

Thank you for sharing this makes me desire to understand and be a safe person for those with these disorders.

As a read this I find myself thinking that such a thing must be the product of a superficial, self-indulgent society that puts so much emphasis on physical appearance and on freely indulging ourselves on the things that we want.

For me self-indulgence has shown in accumulation of things and of body fat and in the past using women for my own gratification and ego.

When I’m bored I eat and seldom tell myself no and when it time to eat I eat to much.

For me its a simple case food gluttony.

Its strange, but it seems to me that much of the “disorder’s” in society come from unwillingness to say no to anything and yet expecting that there no be consequences for it.

I could be way of on this, but this is what comes to mind as I consider this.

I even as a man feel responsibility for this as a I have been know to ogle women who meet societies ideal of beauty and body type and to ignore those who do not.

Father forgive us/me and deliver us from evil.

]]> By: mike http://kathyescobar.com/2009/07/05/out-of-the-darkness-eating-disorders/#comment-2583 mike Sat, 11 Jul 2009 04:49:33 +0000 http://kathyescobar.com/?p=2162#comment-2583 audrey, thanks for sharing. you are so right. it is character and heart that counts. and you, my friend, have both. audrey, thanks for sharing. you are so right. it is character and heart that counts. and you, my friend, have both.

]]> By: minnow http://kathyescobar.com/2009/07/05/out-of-the-darkness-eating-disorders/#comment-2579 minnow Fri, 10 Jul 2009 08:31:55 +0000 http://kathyescobar.com/?p=2162#comment-2579 Audrey--Thank you for the resources and the connection. Audrey–Thank you for the resources and the connection.

]]> By: kathyescobar http://kathyescobar.com/2009/07/05/out-of-the-darkness-eating-disorders/#comment-2577 kathyescobar Fri, 10 Jul 2009 03:19:33 +0000 http://kathyescobar.com/?p=2162#comment-2577 sorry for the late responses, had company, been up in the mountains, lots of refuge partying and then got the flu! fun. karin - thanks so much for sharing. i connected with what you said about the amount of self-focus that goes into the equation, when weight and food control us. i also love that you recognized all the ways your body has served you well. one of the things audrey has really helped me think about as a friend is how to treat my body well. that is so hard for me. i abuse it and deprive it and then over-do it and am very rarely kind to it. there's something to that kindness that is worth learning and feels very God-inspired to me... minnow - thanks for your honesty, too, and i am glad that audrey responded to this. so much in this area can be hidden. i am glad you are considering what are some good options to keep walking through this with your son, whatever that looks like. his story also addresses that this struggle is not unique to women; i know many men who also wrestle with eating and food issues and there is just as much shame with it. peace and hope to you from afar.. audrey - thanks for sharing and for these excellent resources, too. amy - wow, thanks for your honesty and for highlighting what can so easily happen in so many church circles. the assumptions are just so dangerous and damaging and just make me horribly sad. it is the anti-thesis to God's unconditional love. the isolation-shame cycle is so hard, and way too hard to do alone but it is hard when the options for community feel scary and risky. thanks for bravely sharing here. sorry for the late responses, had company, been up in the mountains, lots of refuge partying and then got the flu! fun.

karin – thanks so much for sharing. i connected with what you said about the amount of self-focus that goes into the equation, when weight and food control us. i also love that you recognized all the ways your body has served you well. one of the things audrey has really helped me think about as a friend is how to treat my body well. that is so hard for me. i abuse it and deprive it and then over-do it and am very rarely kind to it. there’s something to that kindness that is worth learning and feels very God-inspired to me…

minnow – thanks for your honesty, too, and i am glad that audrey responded to this. so much in this area can be hidden. i am glad you are considering what are some good options to keep walking through this with your son, whatever that looks like. his story also addresses that this struggle is not unique to women; i know many men who also wrestle with eating and food issues and there is just as much shame with it. peace and hope to you from afar..

audrey – thanks for sharing and for these excellent resources, too.

amy – wow, thanks for your honesty and for highlighting what can so easily happen in so many church circles. the assumptions are just so dangerous and damaging and just make me horribly sad. it is the anti-thesis to God’s unconditional love. the isolation-shame cycle is so hard, and way too hard to do alone but it is hard when the options for community feel scary and risky. thanks for bravely sharing here.

]]> By: Audrey http://kathyescobar.com/2009/07/05/out-of-the-darkness-eating-disorders/#comment-2575 Audrey Tue, 07 Jul 2009 22:22:35 +0000 http://kathyescobar.com/?p=2162#comment-2575 Karin - While you don't have an eating disorder per say it sounds like you understand the frustrations of food issues. Thank you so much for sharing. Minnow - First I must say thank you, as it sounds like you are keeping the lines of communication open between yourself and your son. Talking to him is the best thing you can do. Second, below are a list of resources for you and your son to check out. I know that bad experiences are hard to overcome, but you will need someone who deals with this disorder on a regular basis to help both you and your son through this. I would highly recommend 'shopping' around, and make sure that they specialize in treating eating disorders. The Eating Disorder Foundation http://www.eatingdisorderfoundation.org/ The Foundation engages in education and advocacy initiatives together with timely support and help in identifying appropriate treatment options for individuals with eating disorders and their families. Something Fishy http://www.something-fishy.org This extensive page provides numerous links and lots of information about eating disorders and body image issues. Eating Disorder Referral and Information Center http://www.edreferral.com Provides links to sites which provide additional information on eating disorders and related topics. Gurze Books http://www.bulimia.com Provides an eating disorders resource catalogue of self-help books, professional texts, and educational videos. Eating Disorder Recovery at Poppink.com http://www.Poppink.com Support, inspiration, education and treatment opportunities for people with eating disorders and those who love them. Contains: recovery issue articles; on line self-help program; DSM-IV-TR; research references; links; discussion forums; employment, internship and educational opportunities; in-patient programs. Q & A. The Elisa Project http://www.theelisaproject.com/ The Elisa Project is a non-profit 501(c)(3) organization that promotes healthy living and awareness of the signs of disordered eating through educational programs and resources. National Eating Disorders Association http://www.NationalEatingDisorders.org About the National Eating Disorders Association The National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA) is the largest not-for-profit organization in the United States working to prevent eating disorders and provide treatment referrals to those suffering from anorexia, bulimia and binge eating disorder and those concerned with body image and weight issues. Life Without Ed www.jennischaefer.com/ Inspiring, compassionate, and filled with practical exercises to help you break up with your own personal E.D., Life Without Ed provides new hope for the disorders that plague millions of people --- regardless of age, ethnicity, or gender. Beginning with Jenni's "divorce" from Ed, this supportive, lifesaving book combines a patient's insights and experiences with a therapist's prescriptions for success to help you live a healthier, happier life without Ed. Pale Reflections http://www.pale-reflections.com/ Pale Reflections is a complete online community for everyone affected by eating disorders. Whether you are looking for support for yourself, help for a friend/loved one, or simply browsing for information, you have come to the right place. You will find lots of information here on anorexia, bulimia, binge-eating disorder (compulsive overeating), depression, obsessive compulsive disorder, and much more. Karin – While you don’t have an eating disorder per say it sounds like you understand the frustrations of food issues. Thank you so much for sharing.

Minnow – First I must say thank you, as it sounds like you are keeping the lines of communication open between yourself and your son. Talking to him is the best thing you can do. Second, below are a list of resources for you and your son to check out. I know that bad experiences are hard to overcome, but you will need someone who deals with this disorder on a regular basis to help both you and your son through this. I would highly recommend ‘shopping’ around, and make sure that they specialize in treating eating disorders.

The Eating Disorder Foundation

http://www.eatingdisorderfoundation.org/
The Foundation engages in education and advocacy initiatives together with timely support and help in identifying appropriate treatment options for individuals with eating disorders and their families.

Something Fishy
http://www.something-fishy.org
This extensive page provides numerous links and lots of information about eating disorders and body image issues.

Eating Disorder Referral and Information Center
http://www.edreferral.com
Provides links to sites which provide additional information on eating disorders and related topics.

Gurze Books
http://www.bulimia.com
Provides an eating disorders resource catalogue of self-help books, professional texts, and educational videos.

Eating Disorder Recovery at Poppink.com

http://www.Poppink.com

Support, inspiration, education and treatment opportunities for people with eating disorders and those who love them. Contains: recovery issue articles; on line self-help program; DSM-IV-TR; research references; links; discussion forums; employment, internship and educational opportunities; in-patient programs. Q & A.

The Elisa Project

http://www.theelisaproject.com/

The Elisa Project is a non-profit 501(c)(3) organization that promotes healthy living and awareness of the signs of disordered eating through educational programs and resources.

National Eating Disorders Association

http://www.NationalEatingDisorders.org

About the National Eating Disorders Association The National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA) is the largest not-for-profit organization in the United States working to prevent eating disorders and provide treatment referrals to those suffering from anorexia, bulimia and binge eating disorder and those concerned with body image and weight issues.

Life Without Ed

http://www.jennischaefer.com/

Inspiring, compassionate, and filled with practical exercises to help you break up with your own personal E.D., Life Without Ed provides new hope for the disorders that plague millions of people — regardless of age, ethnicity, or gender. Beginning with Jenni’s “divorce” from Ed, this supportive, lifesaving book combines a patient’s insights and experiences with a therapist’s prescriptions for success to help you live a healthier, happier life without Ed.

Pale Reflections

http://www.pale-reflections.com/

Pale Reflections is a complete online community for everyone affected by eating disorders. Whether you are looking for support for yourself, help for a friend/loved one, or simply browsing for information, you have come to the right place. You will find lots of information here on anorexia, bulimia, binge-eating disorder (compulsive overeating), depression, obsessive compulsive disorder, and much more.

]]> By: Amy http://kathyescobar.com/2009/07/05/out-of-the-darkness-eating-disorders/#comment-2574 Amy Tue, 07 Jul 2009 16:07:12 +0000 http://kathyescobar.com/?p=2162#comment-2574 For me, there is such shame associated with being overweight. With everything, and I mean everything - tv, music, movies, and magazines - screaming at the overweight and/obese, it's a wonder how we manage to survive at all. Society has told me over and over and over that because I'm fat I have no right to exist. Do the world a favor and stay out of sight sort of thing. And because I hear the message I stay home. And eat. And perpetuate the cycle. Nearly three years ago I summoned all the courage I had and ventured to church to try to alleviate this loneliness. I figured these were people of God. They weren't perfect either. So I'll take a chance. Do you know what one of the first and only things someone said to me? They said, "oh, it so nice you came - we can hook you up with our TOPS (weight loss group) class and get you whipped into shape in no time". Nothing about me as a person. Just the weight. I haven't been back to church since. I try my best to stay in the fringe so I don't have to justify my existence. I appreciate the truth behind what Audrey says. I wish I lived closer to your church group. I wish there was a safe place for those of us on the fringe of normal. I wish...I wish... For me, there is such shame associated with being overweight. With everything, and I mean everything – tv, music, movies, and magazines – screaming at the overweight and/obese, it’s a wonder how we manage to survive at all. Society has told me over and over and over that because I’m fat I have no right to exist. Do the world a favor and stay out of sight sort of thing. And because I hear the message I stay home. And eat. And perpetuate the cycle. Nearly three years ago I summoned all the courage I had and ventured to church to try to alleviate this loneliness. I figured these were people of God. They weren’t perfect either. So I’ll take a chance. Do you know what one of the first and only things someone said to me? They said, “oh, it so nice you came – we can hook you up with our TOPS (weight loss group) class and get you whipped into shape in no time”. Nothing about me as a person. Just the weight. I haven’t been back to church since. I try my best to stay in the fringe so I don’t have to justify my existence.

I appreciate the truth behind what Audrey says. I wish I lived closer to your church group. I wish there was a safe place for those of us on the fringe of normal. I wish…I wish…

]]> By: minnow http://kathyescobar.com/2009/07/05/out-of-the-darkness-eating-disorders/#comment-2570 minnow Mon, 06 Jul 2009 15:16:07 +0000 http://kathyescobar.com/?p=2162#comment-2570 Kathy and Audrey-- Good advice about speaking to one's character. I think we should do that with all the people in our lives. We never know when our comments about one's appearance are being made to someone with an eating disorder. Being healthy is wise but as I have recently found out being "healthy" can actually mask very unhealthy behavior. A conversation my 17 year old son had with some of his friends was recently over heard by his older brother and then reported to me. In it my son admitted to being bulimic. For the last four months of school we were fighting to get him through a day without coming home sick or just going to school for part of the day because he was exhausted. (We home tutored him the last month). For years I thought of him as my healthy son because his eating habits at home were so good--fruit, vegies, lean meats. I did not know he was making himself throw up, throwing all his lunches away, not eating when I was not around, and exercising like a crazy person at school (before, during gym, during lunch, after). We've talked to him and I think he should probably see a counselor but I am a little reluctant as my experience with counselors 20 years ago was bad and I don't know how to find a good one. We have also decided to home school (with his complete blessing) next year and probably his senior year as well. Any suggestions or advice? Kathy and Audrey–
Good advice about speaking to one’s character. I think we should do that with all the people in our lives. We never know when our comments about one’s appearance are being made to someone with an eating disorder.
Being healthy is wise but as I have recently found out being “healthy” can actually mask very unhealthy behavior. A conversation my 17 year old son had with some of his friends was recently over heard by his older brother and then reported to me. In it my son admitted to being bulimic. For the last four months of school we were fighting to get him through a day without coming home sick or just going to school for part of the day because he was exhausted. (We home tutored him the last month). For years I thought of him as my healthy son because his eating habits at home were so good–fruit, vegies, lean meats. I did not know he was making himself throw up, throwing all his lunches away, not eating when I was not around, and exercising like a crazy person at school (before, during gym, during lunch, after). We’ve talked to him and I think he should probably see a counselor but I am a little reluctant as my experience with counselors 20 years ago was bad and I don’t know how to find a good one. We have also decided to home school (with his complete blessing) next year and probably his senior year as well. Any suggestions or advice?

]]> By: Karin http://kathyescobar.com/2009/07/05/out-of-the-darkness-eating-disorders/#comment-2569 Karin Sun, 05 Jul 2009 19:55:59 +0000 http://kathyescobar.com/?p=2162#comment-2569 Appreciated reading this interview. While I don't have an eating disorder, I am not able to exercise without pain as I used to in my younger years. Had an unfortunate fall, busted the knee and had to undergo surgery. Lack of exercise=weight gain and further stress on the knees. Very frustrating and depressing!! A vicious circle! Oh, I've always been a big gal, but have loved my body until menopause hit and all the changes happened that come with that. The emotional turmoil to now accept it as it is and truly believe that God doesn't care what size my body is,- is, too say the least,- difficult. I KNOW that my worth is not based on what I look like, but I don't believe myself!! I KNOW that there is too much self-focus on my part and not enough on Who HE is. There is also not enough gratitude for all the wonderful things this body of mine has accomplished over all the years - in my family, my church, and my community!! Thanks for letting me share!! Appreciated reading this interview. While I don’t have an eating disorder, I am not able to exercise without pain as I used to in my younger years. Had an unfortunate fall, busted the knee and had to undergo surgery. Lack of exercise=weight gain and further stress on the knees. Very frustrating and depressing!! A vicious circle! Oh, I’ve always been a big gal, but have loved my body until menopause hit and all the changes happened that come with that. The emotional turmoil to now accept it as it is and truly believe that God doesn’t care what size my body is,- is, too say the least,- difficult. I KNOW that my worth is not based on what I look like, but I don’t believe myself!! I KNOW that there is too much self-focus on my part and not enough on Who HE is. There is also not enough gratitude for all the wonderful things this body of mine has accomplished over all the years – in my family, my church, and my community!! Thanks for letting me share!!

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