Comments on: out of the darkness: the lingering damage of sexual abuse http://kathyescobar.com/2009/06/29/out-of-the-darkness-the-lingering-damage-of-sexual-abuse/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=out-of-the-darkness-the-lingering-damage-of-sexual-abuse Mon, 21 May 2012 14:35:22 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.2 By: kathyescobar http://kathyescobar.com/2009/06/29/out-of-the-darkness-the-lingering-damage-of-sexual-abuse/#comment-2578 kathyescobar Fri, 10 Jul 2009 03:21:24 +0000 http://kathyescobar.com/?p=2146#comment-2578 donna - yeah, that was my fav line, too. but yes, i know the fall-out afterwards can be really tiring. i agree, sometimes i am SO MAD that there's been so much damage, so much carnage for God's precious children, and then i find so much hope in my friends who are honestly facing the pain and seeking healing and change. it's definitely beauty from ashes. love ya, we had a blast with todd and angie, btw! donna – yeah, that was my fav line, too. but yes, i know the fall-out afterwards can be really tiring. i agree, sometimes i am SO MAD that there’s been so much damage, so much carnage for God’s precious children, and then i find so much hope in my friends who are honestly facing the pain and seeking healing and change. it’s definitely beauty from ashes. love ya, we had a blast with todd and angie, btw!

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]]> By: DonnaV http://kathyescobar.com/2009/06/29/out-of-the-darkness-the-lingering-damage-of-sexual-abuse/#comment-2571 DonnaV Tue, 07 Jul 2009 00:15:01 +0000 http://kathyescobar.com/?p=2146#comment-2571 Teresa & Kathy....thank you. Of all the interviews this was the hardest for me to read as it hits a place in my heart that is tender & real. I too love the line about "kissing the monster on the nose," don't know about you guys but for me as healing as it is to tell my story it still takes a while to recuperate from doing so. It's one of those funny things, it makes me angry to learn that others have been abused as well and it makes me feel good to know I'm not alone at the same time!! Teresa & Kathy….thank you. Of all the interviews this was the hardest for me to read as it hits a place in my heart that is tender & real. I too love the line about “kissing the monster on the nose,” don’t know about you guys but for me as healing as it is to tell my story it still takes a while to recuperate from doing so. It’s one of those funny things, it makes me angry to learn that others have been abused as well and it makes me feel good to know I’m not alone at the same time!!

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]]> By: kathyescobar http://kathyescobar.com/2009/06/29/out-of-the-darkness-the-lingering-damage-of-sexual-abuse/#comment-2566 kathyescobar Fri, 03 Jul 2009 23:30:24 +0000 http://kathyescobar.com/?p=2146#comment-2566 brian - thanks for sharing this site. i saw it when you wrote about it a few weeks ago and it is really good! i encourage others to check it out & we must, must, must keep raising awareness of how prevalent and real these issues are. conrad - thanks for what you are doing to help heal so much woundedness, because you have gotten so in touch with yours. it is very powerful & it restores so much faith in me of what is possible with a willing & humble heart who fights the ravages of shame & hiding and enters into healing community and renewed relationship with God. i am privileged to know you. katherine - thanks for reading. i am glad you are part of this online community. tom - thank you for your honesty; it is very powerful to see up close and personal men take responsibility for the wounding that they have done & experience Christ's healing. stacy - yes, i too, love the "kissing the monster on the nose" thought. so powerful...thanks for your honesty, too. it is beautiful to see healing in action... fragile4life - thanks for stopping by. i am so glad that you did and that through teresa's story you feel less alone. it takes so much courage to enter into the healing process like you are now...i definitely know that feeling of all of a sudden the lights coming on & the painful awareness of the damage becoming clear....may you continue to seek hope & healing & find peace and strength in the midst. minnow - love & peace to you from afar. brian – thanks for sharing this site. i saw it when you wrote about it a few weeks ago and it is really good! i encourage others to check it out & we must, must, must keep raising awareness of how prevalent and real these issues are.

conrad – thanks for what you are doing to help heal so much woundedness, because you have gotten so in touch with yours. it is very powerful & it restores so much faith in me of what is possible with a willing & humble heart who fights the ravages of shame & hiding and enters into healing community and renewed relationship with God. i am privileged to know you.

katherine – thanks for reading. i am glad you are part of this online community.

tom – thank you for your honesty; it is very powerful to see up close and personal men take responsibility for the wounding that they have done & experience Christ’s healing.

stacy – yes, i too, love the “kissing the monster on the nose” thought. so powerful…thanks for your honesty, too. it is beautiful to see healing in action…

fragile4life – thanks for stopping by. i am so glad that you did and that through teresa’s story you feel less alone. it takes so much courage to enter into the healing process like you are now…i definitely know that feeling of all of a sudden the lights coming on & the painful awareness of the damage becoming clear….may you continue to seek hope & healing & find peace and strength in the midst.

minnow – love & peace to you from afar.

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]]> By: minnow http://kathyescobar.com/2009/06/29/out-of-the-darkness-the-lingering-damage-of-sexual-abuse/#comment-2564 minnow Thu, 02 Jul 2009 14:13:08 +0000 http://kathyescobar.com/?p=2146#comment-2564 Thank you. And now I'm going to go on a walk so I can cry without alarming my children. Thank you. And now I’m going to go on a walk so I can cry without alarming my children.

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]]> By: fragile4life http://kathyescobar.com/2009/06/29/out-of-the-darkness-the-lingering-damage-of-sexual-abuse/#comment-2563 fragile4life Thu, 02 Jul 2009 01:25:10 +0000 http://kathyescobar.com/?p=2146#comment-2563 Wow! Kathy I can't thank you enough for posting this! I was just randomly searching through Wordpress and I found this post and I have no doubt that it was God who lead me straight here. I've was also sexually abused through out my childhood, but I only realized a year ago that that's what it was...abuse. Before then I would hear about sexual abuse and talk about it and read about it in classes (I'm a counseling major), and I would have NEVEr identified it with myself or myself as EVER being sexually abused. And then one day while talking to a friend it just kind of hit me. I've been really struggling with the fact that I didn't see it until abuse untill a year ago and it's been making me doubt myself and making me think that maybe I'm making it into "too big a deal". I felt crazy. I felt like you either knew you were abused or you didn't. You just don't realize one day years later that it was abuse. But my counslor this week told me that that's the way many surviors realize their abuse. And hearing your story just made me feel less alone and less crazy. Thank you soo much! Wow! Kathy I can’t thank you enough for posting this! I was just randomly searching through WordPress and I found this post and I have no doubt that it was God who lead me straight here.

I’ve was also sexually abused through out my childhood, but I only realized a year ago that that’s what it was…abuse. Before then I would hear about sexual abuse and talk about it and read about it in classes (I’m a counseling major), and I would have NEVEr identified it with myself or myself as EVER being sexually abused. And then one day while talking to a friend it just kind of hit me. I’ve been really struggling with the fact that I didn’t see it until abuse untill a year ago and it’s been making me doubt myself and making me think that maybe I’m making it into “too big a deal”. I felt crazy. I felt like you either knew you were abused or you didn’t. You just don’t realize one day years later that it was abuse. But my counslor this week told me that that’s the way many surviors realize their abuse. And hearing your story just made me feel less alone and less crazy. Thank you soo much!

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]]> By: Stacy http://kathyescobar.com/2009/06/29/out-of-the-darkness-the-lingering-damage-of-sexual-abuse/#comment-2562 Stacy Wed, 01 Jul 2009 17:50:22 +0000 http://kathyescobar.com/?p=2146#comment-2562 Teresa & kathy, thank you so very much for sharing your stories. It is nuts how similar shame impacts survivors, and how so many people can feel so isolated, despite those similarities with many around them. Teresa, I am a big journal-er too! I loved this line in response to :what are some things that have helped you the most on your healing journey? , " Exposing the lies in my head outloud. “Kissing the monster on the nose” and confronting it head-on instead of tiptoeing around it." What a great visual, as it is sooooo easy to shove that crap away, which is futile, as it doesn't really even go away that way anyways ;) When I first got in touch with my sexual abuse story in college, it was all-consuming. I really felt like I was the only one in the whole world who felt so so damaged. The road is crazy long, but I at this point in my life and with lots of healing, I honestly rarely even think about it/go there. (plenty of other new issues to focus on, ha!) I know that things may re-surface at different stages, and I love, love, love that you both recognize the breadth and depth of safe community as necessary for survival. I heart community!!! Keep on fighting, Teresa, as it is clearly making a difference in your life. :) Teresa & kathy, thank you so very much for sharing your stories. It is nuts how similar shame impacts survivors, and how so many people can feel so isolated, despite those similarities with many around them.

Teresa, I am a big journal-er too! I loved this line in response to :what are some things that have helped you the most on your healing journey? , ” Exposing the lies in my head outloud. “Kissing the monster on the nose” and confronting it head-on instead of tiptoeing around it.” What a great visual, as it is sooooo easy to shove that crap away, which is futile, as it doesn’t really even go away that way anyways ;)

When I first got in touch with my sexual abuse story in college, it was all-consuming. I really felt like I was the only one in the whole world who felt so so damaged. The road is crazy long, but I at this point in my life and with lots of healing, I honestly rarely even think about it/go there. (plenty of other new issues to focus on, ha!)

I know that things may re-surface at different stages, and I love, love, love that you both recognize the breadth and depth of safe community as necessary for survival. I heart community!!! Keep on fighting, Teresa, as it is clearly making a difference in your life.
:)

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]]> By: Tom Wilson http://kathyescobar.com/2009/06/29/out-of-the-darkness-the-lingering-damage-of-sexual-abuse/#comment-2557 Tom Wilson Tue, 30 Jun 2009 01:30:22 +0000 http://kathyescobar.com/?p=2146#comment-2557 As a man who was in bondage to sex and pornography and as a result used women for 23 years for my own gratification I apologize on behalf of men who are/were like me to you and all women. I am so proud of your openness and honesty. What men need to know is even look'n at your neighbors wife or daughter with desire to use her to gratify yourself is sexual abuse even if or when it is pornography as even if the people in porn do it voluntarily they are selling themselves into slavery. Therefore it is still human trafficking. Men we need to understand this is critical and it is death. What lead me to repentance 9 years ago was a vision God gave me after the last relationship I had ended. In that vision I saw a dark road with corpses lining it on both sides. Those corpses represented the relationships I had that were destroyed by this sin and the relationships I had that were affected by it. The wages of sin is death! I cried out to Father I am tired of the death I have poured into my life, the women's lives I've been involved with and of the relationships I have lost. At that moment I repented and I have not turned back being controlled by that sin since. That repentance opened my heart up to the light which exposed why I went there and the pain I was trying to cover up with sexual exploits. The healing is still happening as I deal with my own sin and the sins committed against me. The shame and guilt of both and the other my sin and regarding others against me. However I can tell you can be free! You can be healed and be whole. It may be one piece at time, but believe me that's better then all being completely in pieces. Tom Wilson As a man who was in bondage to sex and pornography and as a result used women for 23 years for my own gratification I apologize on behalf of men who are/were like me to you and all women. I am so proud of your openness and honesty.

What men need to know is even look’n at your neighbors wife or daughter with desire to use her to gratify yourself is sexual abuse even if or when it is pornography as even if the people in porn do it voluntarily they are selling themselves into slavery. Therefore it is still human trafficking.

Men we need to understand this is critical and it is death.

What lead me to repentance 9 years ago was a vision God gave me after the last relationship I had ended. In that vision I saw a dark road with corpses lining it on both sides. Those corpses represented the relationships I had that were destroyed by this sin and the relationships I had that were affected by it. The wages of sin is death! I cried out to Father I am tired of the death I have poured into my life, the women’s lives I’ve been involved with and of the relationships I have lost.

At that moment I repented and I have not turned back being controlled by that sin since. That repentance opened my heart up to the light which exposed why I went there and the pain I was trying to cover up with sexual exploits.

The healing is still happening as I deal with my own sin and the sins committed against me. The shame and guilt of both and the other my sin and regarding others against me.

However I can tell you can be free! You can be healed and be whole. It may be one piece at time, but believe me that’s better then all being completely in pieces.

Tom Wilson

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]]> By: Katherine Gunn http://kathyescobar.com/2009/06/29/out-of-the-darkness-the-lingering-damage-of-sexual-abuse/#comment-2556 Katherine Gunn Tue, 30 Jun 2009 01:01:00 +0000 http://kathyescobar.com/?p=2146#comment-2556 Teresa, Kathy, thank you. Teresa, Kathy, thank you.

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]]> By: conrad http://kathyescobar.com/2009/06/29/out-of-the-darkness-the-lingering-damage-of-sexual-abuse/#comment-2555 conrad Mon, 29 Jun 2009 20:01:13 +0000 http://kathyescobar.com/?p=2146#comment-2555 thank you, teresa, for sharing your incredibly hard story. being a man, who has struggled with sexual addiction and used women for my own selfish gratification, i never realized how damaging my actions were. my heart breaks as i realize that i'm responsible for causing such lasting pain.i thank God that i can now see women in a different light, and i pray for all the ones my selfish actions have hurt. know that you aren't now and never have been damaged goods. your future husband might need a little patience, but the blessing he will receive in return will be exponential. i pray that as you continue to heal that God will bring into your life that one special man who will have the eyes and the heart to see what a treasure you are. thank you, teresa, for sharing your incredibly hard story. being a man, who has struggled with sexual addiction and used women for my own selfish gratification, i never realized how damaging my actions were. my heart breaks as i realize that i’m responsible for causing such lasting pain.i thank God that i can now see women in a different light, and i pray for all the ones my selfish actions have hurt. know that you aren’t now and never have been damaged goods. your future husband might need a little patience, but the blessing he will receive in return will be exponential. i pray that as you continue to heal that God will bring into your life that one special man who will have the eyes and the heart to see what a treasure you are.

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]]> By: tysdaddy http://kathyescobar.com/2009/06/29/out-of-the-darkness-the-lingering-damage-of-sexual-abuse/#comment-2552 tysdaddy Mon, 29 Jun 2009 18:13:05 +0000 http://kathyescobar.com/?p=2146#comment-2552 Excellent post. Thanks for sharing this, Kathy, and thanks to Teresa for breaking the silence for the benefit of others. A dear friend of mine started a blog a while ago where people are given the opportunity to break their own silence regarding domestic violence and sexual abuse. The stories shared there are heartbreaking, and some are filled with the kind of hope Teresa shared. You can check it out here: http://violenceunsilenced.com/ Excellent post. Thanks for sharing this, Kathy, and thanks to Teresa for breaking the silence for the benefit of others.

A dear friend of mine started a blog a while ago where people are given the opportunity to break their own silence regarding domestic violence and sexual abuse. The stories shared there are heartbreaking, and some are filled with the kind of hope Teresa shared.

You can check it out here: http://violenceunsilenced.com/

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