Hmm… I look at the way Jesus treated women and see fairness, equality, compassion… Love. Where I seem to keep getting hung up is that the God in Numbers, the God of Moses, was the same Father Jesus was a reflection of… and they don’t seem to match. I have difficulty reconciling the two. I know that is nothing new. But it is a serious issue for me on a personal level because it goes to the heart of God’s character – and my ability to trust Him.

Now, in the churches I have been in, that would have been a show stopper. I would have been called a heretic or back-slidden or worse. And the point is, I am not saying that I don’t believe in God or that I have rejected Jesus. I just have questions that need answers. Maybe these questions are more intensely important to me because of the trust issues stemming from abuse. But right now? Jesus, I think I can trust. The God who gave instructions that were recorded in Numbers 5? Not so much…

And at this point, I am not sure what the next step is. Except to keep moving… and not give up.

jasmine – okay that is fun. keep me posted, would love to hear how that conversation goes. i can’t tell you how happy that makes me, that a door to a conversation could be opened…and yes, one of these days i hope our paths cross face to face. lots of stories to be told…peace to you in the trenches.

ellen – yes, a piece of her is us. we can never forget that.

elaine – we are so in the midst of something big and i love the reminder that it’s not just with church. i am so glad you told me about a powerful noise. i went with craig & sara & amber & mike and it was really moving. the discussion was so powerful, too, with the connections between health and poverty and economic freedom. your prayer is beautiful.

pops – you always make me smile

katherine – oh i am with you, girl. the ones you mentioned along with this story are the first three stories that came to mind. no way to reconcile that & i don’t know exactly what God is trying to say through them, either, except for maybe to highlight the magnitude of what humanity can do to another sister or brother, the dignity that can be stripped, the absolute backwardness to his ways that can become acceptable in a society that is selfish and power-hungry. and then you bring up numbers 5, God’s commands. it is rough. and confusing. and then i have to come back to not understanding all the ins and outs of it all or even trying to make logical sense of it because it’s impossible to do but somehow clinging to the bigger story. Christ’s love. redemption. healing. restoration. heart for us. Love. otherwise, i think i’d want to throw in the towel. thanks as always for your beautiful honesty.