Comments on: a view from the margins: single dads eeking by http://kathyescobar.com/2009/02/09/a-view-from-the-margins-single-dads-eeking-by/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=a-view-from-the-margins-single-dads-eeking-by Wed, 16 May 2012 21:17:10 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.2 By: Meagan http://kathyescobar.com/2009/02/09/a-view-from-the-margins-single-dads-eeking-by/#comment-2092 Meagan Tue, 24 Feb 2009 18:58:41 +0000 http://kathyescobar.com/?p=1502#comment-2092 I'd like to thank Bob for sharing his story. I have been dating a single dad for almost a year now and I find it difficult to understand what goes on in his head sometimes with reguard to his situation. He is not a dead beat dad and has the children more than 50% of the time. They are two beautiful little girls and I couldn't imagine my life without any of them. Their father works hard to provide for them but often will need the help of his parents. I love him and help out as much as I can by filling in the gaps. Mostly this involves coming over with groceries to make large dinner with plenty of leftovers every week, laundry on movie nights, and once in awhile a little treat for everyone (go to the movies, pay to use the local pool). I don't have much, but I can help him. I never really understood why he would seem to get a little depressed over something small. Bob made me realize that it isn't so small. I can tell him over and over again that his family is here to help and so are his amazing friends, but that is still going against many years of learning the expectations of a white male in his 30's. I guess I thought it was all pride, but it isn't just that, it is going against a lot of what you learned growing up. I’d like to thank Bob for sharing his story. I have been dating a single dad for almost a year now and I find it difficult to understand what goes on in his head sometimes with reguard to his situation. He is not a dead beat dad and has the children more than 50% of the time. They are two beautiful little girls and I couldn’t imagine my life without any of them. Their father works hard to provide for them but often will need the help of his parents. I love him and help out as much as I can by filling in the gaps. Mostly this involves coming over with groceries to make large dinner with plenty of leftovers every week, laundry on movie nights, and once in awhile a little treat for everyone (go to the movies, pay to use the local pool). I don’t have much, but I can help him. I never really understood why he would seem to get a little depressed over something small. Bob made me realize that it isn’t so small. I can tell him over and over again that his family is here to help and so are his amazing friends, but that is still going against many years of learning the expectations of a white male in his 30′s. I guess I thought it was all pride, but it isn’t just that, it is going against a lot of what you learned growing up.

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]]> By: a view from the margins: divorced & on the outs « the carnival in my head… http://kathyescobar.com/2009/02/09/a-view-from-the-margins-single-dads-eeking-by/#comment-2046 a view from the margins: divorced & on the outs « the carnival in my head… Mon, 16 Feb 2009 16:14:00 +0000 http://kathyescobar.com/?p=1502#comment-2046 [...] single dads eeking by [...] [...] single dads eeking by [...]

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]]> By: kathyescobar http://kathyescobar.com/2009/02/09/a-view-from-the-margins-single-dads-eeking-by/#comment-2034 kathyescobar Fri, 13 Feb 2009 07:18:40 +0000 http://kathyescobar.com/?p=1502#comment-2034 joy - so glad to hear your perspectives here. let 'em rip. my friend here sometimes says "imagine what would happen if we took all the resources that 'the church' spends here in denver alone for one month on salaries, buildings, and programs and used it instead to pour into people's lives, the community, etc. it is millions and millions of dollars that could really, really, like really help people. ah, but that's another story. and yes, the widows and the orphans are the divorced, abused, left behind, abandoned and they come in all shapes and sizes and colors and aren't limited to just women. keep preaching it, girl! amy - yes, bob is one of the most deeply compassionate and thoughtful people i know. i am glad that his story touched you... donna - i'll see if i can make that happen for convergence! can't wait to hang out and i am so glad that our communities are so deeply connected. we really have the same heartbeat...love your voice around here, btw. xo tom - well then, my friend, your response was enough to make this whole post worthwhile. i am so glad that you were touched. i realized as i posted it that it is not an area that gets addressed very often and even i notice how often my language focuses on single moms and unintentionally ignores single dads. i have deep respect for you guys and am saddened by the way 'the church' (there's that word again) has not supported you the way it could have. i also think you hit on something very important--sure, when the organization can "get" something from people, it is always happy to take, but what about "giving" unconditionally no matter what it receives. a true healthy relationship works both ways...thanks, as always, for sharing, and congrats on your daughter off on her own! :) joy – so glad to hear your perspectives here. let ‘em rip. my friend here sometimes says “imagine what would happen if we took all the resources that ‘the church’ spends here in denver alone for one month on salaries, buildings, and programs and used it instead to pour into people’s lives, the community, etc. it is millions and millions of dollars that could really, really, like really help people. ah, but that’s another story. and yes, the widows and the orphans are the divorced, abused, left behind, abandoned and they come in all shapes and sizes and colors and aren’t limited to just women. keep preaching it, girl!

amy – yes, bob is one of the most deeply compassionate and thoughtful people i know. i am glad that his story touched you…

donna – i’ll see if i can make that happen for convergence! can’t wait to hang out and i am so glad that our communities are so deeply connected. we really have the same heartbeat…love your voice around here, btw. xo

tom – well then, my friend, your response was enough to make this whole post worthwhile. i am so glad that you were touched. i realized as i posted it that it is not an area that gets addressed very often and even i notice how often my language focuses on single moms and unintentionally ignores single dads. i have deep respect for you guys and am saddened by the way ‘the church’ (there’s that word again) has not supported you the way it could have. i also think you hit on something very important–sure, when the organization can “get” something from people, it is always happy to take, but what about “giving” unconditionally no matter what it receives. a true healthy relationship works both ways…thanks, as always, for sharing, and congrats on your daughter off on her own! :)

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]]> By: Tom Wilson http://kathyescobar.com/2009/02/09/a-view-from-the-margins-single-dads-eeking-by/#comment-2031 Tom Wilson Thu, 12 Feb 2009 06:14:07 +0000 http://kathyescobar.com/?p=1502#comment-2031 Kathy: You really did this time. I have been a full time single dad for 18 years my oldest my daughter is turning 20 yrs soon and is moving out into her own apartment in a few days. I've been in Christ for 31 years and have spent most of my walk feeling unaccepted by the body of Christ. However the Leadership and others have always been more then willing to accept my spiritual gifts and talents when they have helped them. Once I became a single dad the marginalization and disenfranchisement only became worse. As the church ignored my needs and those of my son and daughter, but once again were more then willing to receive what I had to give. Your choosing to share this brothers story is so important I can't even put into words. I'm in tears right now and can hardly see to type as this was one of the extremely few occasions that I have felt that the a christian cared about this. As you acknowledged the church does not much better regarding single moms, yet frankly t does a poor job and loving them and pretty much treats single dads as if we don't exist and are flawed human beings with a disease they might catch. The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit are the only ones I have ever felt completely accepted and cared for by. Sorry for such a long comment this time. Tom Wilson www.ReligionFreeJesus.com Kathy: You really did this time. I have been a full time single dad for 18 years my oldest my daughter is turning 20 yrs soon and is moving out into her own apartment in a few days. I’ve been in Christ for 31 years and have spent most of my walk feeling unaccepted by the body of Christ. However the Leadership and others have always been more then willing to accept my spiritual gifts and talents when they have helped them. Once I became a single dad the marginalization and disenfranchisement only became worse. As the church ignored my needs and those of my son and daughter, but once again were more then willing to receive what I had to give.

Your choosing to share this brothers story is so important I can’t even put into words. I’m in tears right now and can hardly see to type as this was one of the extremely few occasions that I have felt that the a christian cared about this.

As you acknowledged the church does not much better regarding single moms, yet frankly t does a poor job and loving them and pretty much treats single dads as if we don’t exist and are flawed human beings with a disease they might catch.

The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit are the only ones I have ever felt completely accepted and cared for by. Sorry for such a long comment this time.

Tom Wilson
http://www.ReligionFreeJesus.com

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]]> By: DonnaV http://kathyescobar.com/2009/02/09/a-view-from-the-margins-single-dads-eeking-by/#comment-2030 DonnaV Tue, 10 Feb 2009 17:05:59 +0000 http://kathyescobar.com/?p=1502#comment-2030 Bob, thanks for sharing a bit of your story!! I would love to see a photo of you as I think you probably would have the kindest eyes I've ever seen, cause I do think the eyes reflect the heart and I'm sensing some serious kindness in yours!! Kathy, thanks again for the peek into your community!! Bob, thanks for sharing a bit of your story!! I would love to see a photo of you as I think you probably would have the kindest eyes I’ve ever seen, cause I do think the eyes reflect the heart and I’m sensing some serious kindness in yours!!
Kathy, thanks again for the peek into your community!!

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]]> By: Tracy Simmons http://kathyescobar.com/2009/02/09/a-view-from-the-margins-single-dads-eeking-by/#comment-2029 Tracy Simmons Tue, 10 Feb 2009 10:27:25 +0000 http://kathyescobar.com/?p=1502#comment-2029 This post still has me reeling. "Bob," thanks for being so honest and for revealing what it's like for you. I honestly had NO clue. Even more pathetic, it never even crossed my mind of what it might be like for the single dad who is supporting his kids. What an eye opener (and a heart opener, too). This is one of those posts that will leave me changed forever, and I'm glad for it. This post still has me reeling. “Bob,” thanks for being so honest and for revealing what it’s like for you. I honestly had NO clue. Even more pathetic, it never even crossed my mind of what it might be like for the single dad who is supporting his kids. What an eye opener (and a heart opener, too). This is one of those posts that will leave me changed forever, and I’m glad for it.

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]]> By: Amy http://kathyescobar.com/2009/02/09/a-view-from-the-margins-single-dads-eeking-by/#comment-2025 Amy Mon, 09 Feb 2009 18:51:57 +0000 http://kathyescobar.com/?p=1502#comment-2025 Kathy, First I want to thank Bob for sharing his story...answering your questions Kathy. Bob, you are so grounded, loving father, and have a definite heart and relationship with Father, Son and Holy Spirit. I will be praying (seriously, I will) that Father continues providing for you in neat and surprising ways. As well, I'm so glad you found The Refuge. Second, thanks for posting this interview with Bob, Kathy. It helps me, and others get a better idea of the struggles of single dads. Blessings, ~Amy :) Walking In The Spirit http://amyiswalkinginthespirit.blogspot.com Kathy,
First I want to thank Bob for sharing his story…answering your questions Kathy. Bob, you are so grounded, loving father, and have a definite heart and relationship with Father, Son and Holy Spirit. I will be praying (seriously, I will) that Father continues providing for you in neat and surprising ways. As well, I’m so glad you found The Refuge.

Second, thanks for posting this interview with Bob, Kathy. It helps me, and others get a better idea of the struggles of single dads.

Blessings,
~Amy :)
Walking In The Spirit
http://amyiswalkinginthespirit.blogspot.com

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]]> By: Joy http://kathyescobar.com/2009/02/09/a-view-from-the-margins-single-dads-eeking-by/#comment-2024 Joy Mon, 09 Feb 2009 18:29:38 +0000 http://kathyescobar.com/?p=1502#comment-2024 This statement is what really hits the nail onthe head! "There is a fear that surrounds poverty, people don’t want to get anywhere near you for fear of “catching it”. Most folks only want to help at a distance, the greater the distance the better." SO TRUE. My 32 year old brother is a single dad of an 8 yr old special needs daughter. I am so proud of his commitment to her on so many levels. Single dads who invest and pour out...deserve some props and support...he is very invested in a faith community that always seems to need his help...but rarely knows how hard his life is...or offers to give back to him in real or tangible ways. Another group of people who are largely invisible to most in our world today are the growing number of grandparents who are raising their grandchildren because one or both of the parents of the children are on the streets,incarcerated or dead. In my experience, most times these are "single" individuals, divorced or widowed themselves... over the age of 50...(though some are as young as early 40's and still others are nearing 80)living on fixed incomes, disability or their meager Social Security. There is very little financial assistance available for these people...unless they are able to gain legal gardianship or be certified as 'foster-care' providers by the state... Kathy, I know it seems we who currently live our faith outside the 'I.C' knock it or hold it in contempt...but I have to say...I have watched the IC turn its back on the fatherless, alien and widows of our generation over and over and over...passing them by for flat screen TV moniters, smoke machines for ambiance during worship...paid professional muscians...expensive give-aways for the youth ministry( ipods, gift cards etc)...tailgater parties for superbowl 'fans' after church on Super bowl Sunday!!! Cool. There seems to be plenty of capital for marketing...for t-shirts and fobs...and postcards for every freaking teaching series they are promoting...etc etc...etc...and yet...less than 20% of most church budgets are allocated for compassion, mercy care or missions...so little is set aside for caring for the least of these...those who are down on their luck...struggling to make it financially or even just emotionally... This is what makes me want to pull my hair out of my head! This is why I have left the building...because inside...I felt obligated to help keep the 'machine' running at the expense of giving to people and para church organizations who are passionate about helping the poor...the homeless...the mentally ill... the newly jobless...the exhausted,overworked...and disillusioned. This statement is what really hits the nail onthe head!
“There is a fear that surrounds poverty, people don’t want to get anywhere near you for fear of “catching it”. Most folks only want to help at a distance, the greater the distance the better.”
SO TRUE.
My 32 year old brother is a single dad of an 8 yr old special needs daughter. I am so proud of his commitment to her on so many levels. Single dads who invest and pour out…deserve some props and support…he is very invested in a faith community that always seems to need his help…but rarely knows how hard his life is…or offers to give back to him in real or tangible ways.
Another group of people who are largely invisible to most in our world today are the growing number of grandparents who are raising their grandchildren because one or both of the parents of the children are on the streets,incarcerated or dead.
In my experience, most times these are “single” individuals, divorced or widowed themselves… over the age of 50…(though some are as young as early 40′s and still others are nearing 80)living on fixed incomes, disability or their meager Social Security. There is very little financial assistance available for these people…unless they are able to gain legal gardianship or be certified as ‘foster-care’ providers by the state…
Kathy, I know it seems we who currently live our faith outside the ‘I.C’ knock it or hold it in contempt…but I have to say…I have watched the IC turn its back on the fatherless, alien and widows of our generation over and over and over…passing them by for flat screen TV moniters, smoke machines for ambiance during worship…paid professional muscians…expensive give-aways for the youth ministry( ipods, gift cards etc)…tailgater parties for superbowl ‘fans’ after church on Super bowl Sunday!!! Cool. There seems to be plenty of capital for marketing…for t-shirts and fobs…and postcards for every freaking teaching series they are promoting…etc etc…etc…and yet…less than 20% of most church budgets are allocated for compassion, mercy care or missions…so little is set aside for caring for the least of these…those who are down on their luck…struggling to make it financially or even just emotionally…
This is what makes me want to pull my hair out of my head! This is why I have left the building…because inside…I felt obligated to help keep the ‘machine’ running at the expense of giving to people and para church organizations who are passionate about helping the poor…the homeless…the mentally ill… the newly jobless…the exhausted,overworked…and disillusioned.

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