Comments on: a failure of nerve

By: kathyescobar

kathyescobar — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 14:27:38 +0000

melissa – nice to hear from you and yeah, thanks for the link. i think about the peter story all the time, how he looked down & took his eyes off Jesus and that was when he sunk…

minnowspeaks – i know, i wish you lived closer! one of these days. thanks for being such a great cheerleader from afar

brian – yeah, me, too, but i have a stack of way too many that i haven’t read yet so i am supposedly on a moratorium.

randi – sorry to make your head and heart hurt but i am always glad it stirs up good and challenging stuff for you. it makes writing it feel worth it.

sara – thanks for commenting. i haven’t read that book but yeah, it is exactly that. changing the system, whether it be church or family or organizationally or ?, it will always buck and try to suck you back in to the norm no matter how unhealthy it is. the system is very, very powerful.

katherine – i love your story, always. it is so true. you have stayed the course & had unbelievable nerve. the more unhealthy the system, the more nerve it takes. thank you God.

makeesha – oh i hear you. that is a great point to clarify and add & a reminder how we can have undogged determination in areas that aren’t healthy and good just because we think that’s what we are supposed to do or because of our own messedup-ness or systems that don’t let us leave. i think a good sequel to this thought would be “a failure to let go”.

donna – oh always great to hear from you here. i miss you guys. i need a pdx fix next year.

By: DonnaV

DonnaV — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 16:59:21 +0000

Thanks Kathy…I needed to read that this morning.
And coffee, I’m with minnowspeaks on that one…what are you doing next week!!!

By: Makeesha

Makeesha — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 13:54:48 +0000

good words Kathy. The one push-back I would have is that the “refusal to fail” type attitude can also be applied to unhealthy systems. I worked for some of those pastors…they definitely did not lack nerve or perseverance.

I’m obsessed with perseverance and the “see it to the end” attitude I grew up with. It’s easy for me to read something like this and immediately judge all the times I failed to stay the course and second guess if I persevered enough.

So I guess there’s a little caution in the midst of my appreciation of what you’re saying.

By: Katherine Gunn

Katherine Gunn — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 00:54:40 +0000

I think that not caving to the pressure to conform – or at least reaching a point beyond which I was unwilling to bend – is what got me in the place I am now: churchless, shunned, vilified, broken – shattered, even, examined, learning, growing, healing, breaking some more, free of bondages, recognizing new bondages – or rather deeper ones I couldn’t see before, vulnerable, hurt, and in a better place than I think I’ve ever been…

By: sara

sara — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 23:47:16 +0000

friedman’s great. have you read or heard of his book “Generation to Generation?” it’s a book on counseling, and family systems theory, and relational dynamics, and a ton of stuff, and it sounds like this leadership book is a direct leadership application of Systems Theory. changing the system is possible, though much harder than most people credit–the system doesn’t want to be changed and will fight back. that’s part of why it’s always easier to scrap it and start something new than to try to adjust something existing

By: Randi :)

Randi :) — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 17:28:12 +0000

wow… so much. my brain & heart hurt and I love it. it’s actually way above my head… but i’m trying to grasp it all. thanks as always.

By: tysdaddy

tysdaddy — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 14:21:03 +0000

Great post, Kathy. I may have to check out that book . . .

By: minnowspeaks

minnowspeaks — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 11:37:01 +0000

Kathy–How about coffee sometime? WOW! I read your blog for a daily dose of YES. You are the embodiment of one of my favorite children’s stories: The Little Engine that Could! Thanks again.

By: Melissa

Melissa — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 06:45:21 +0000

Hi,

Peter only started to sink once he took his eyes off Jesus and looked at the waves. We’ll never jump that chasm if we are looking at the gaping hole, but if we keep focused on the other side – we’ve got a better chance.

I hope you don’t mind I quoted a little of your previous post on my blog, you put into words so much about what I feel being a mum.