Although charting can be helpful, having categories is the same kind of constrictive systematic thinking so many of us have fled in disgust. I’ve experienced what you all have, and it’s ugly, anguished, and sprawling, and not neatly contained within a nice category box. That said, I’ve been circling through 4-6 for a couple decades (why limit 6 to Mother Theresa?)

What I’ve discovered over time is that there isn’t simply one wall. There are walls of differing sizes and heights, in differing areas of our lives–faith, emotions, family, abusive pasts, church indoctrination, thought, behavior, and practice, and each is a refining fire. To think we have only one wall will lead to discouragement when the next one looms.

Sometimes a wall is in one area, sometimes it will cover all at once. Walls require an incredible leap of faith, especially when we’re afraid, with a faith so damaged that we don’t even believe there is another side. And as some have pointed out, we’re scared of joining whatever tribe there and becoming strangers to ourselves.

But a jacket gets too small and it’s a straitjacket.

Two of my favorite songs are by Sara Groves, and both are about wall experiences. Painting Pictures in Egypt deals with pain and fear in leaving security, and Maybe There’s A Loving God is about venturing beyond boxes and fixes in our hesitant search for God.

I also love to encourage others who are struggling, to help them have the courage to recognize walls, take them on, and know that the other side is worth it. Those of us who are “two steps ahead” can light their paths, even if no one lighted ours, and comfort them on the way.

I write this as I am again struggling with another wall.

There are so many who just need a little help to find their way. I am thankful for people like you who are finding ways to connect with many who have been left behind by other believers (out of lack of understanding and not hurtful intention).

Sherie

The last few years of my life have been a journey of stage 4 and The Wall, but no one had ever shown me a model like this. I felt like I was losing my faith. I found your post on Jenga Faith and I have also described my wrestling in this way. After banging against that wall for a couple years, I crashed and burned into it last year. I reached a point where I had to either get through it or give up. Everything I believed and shaped my life around was laid on the line and I had to accept who I was (with ALL the faults) and accept who God was (not who I thought he was in my false images and expectations). It was incredibly hard but now that I have made it through much of that journey I know it was worth it. The wholeness I have found may appear as brokeness and weakness to others at times, but I have found a peace, comfort, conviction, and centering unlike anything I have ever known.

I am now stepping up to walk with those who are disillusioned, lost, and hurting. Many of them may be at the same place I was for the last few years, and I want to be present to assure them that what they are going through is normal, good, purposeful, and beautiful. I liked your recent video where you discussed that Church as some experience it just isn’t providing what they need to grow and change, and the point Hagberg and Guelich make that most evangelical churches only reach people at stages 2 and 3 really opened my eyes and heart.

Keep sharing! Keep ministering and teaching. I think you are raising some great questions and bringing some insights that many others are not willing to dialogue about. I will be back to learn and grow more with you. Thank you!